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Melancholy ... the broken staff of life

A blog by CarlHoliday in Member

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Melancholic words to dampen your spirit

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So much to do

Well, it’s official. I have now entered old age. Last Thursday, I went to the VA medical center in Seattle to see an ophthalmologist about a previous bleeder on my left retina. Luckily, there was no evidence that it had re-occurred. Unfortunately, the cataract in my right eye has worsened to where it is now operable and I will be going under the knife sometime next month. During the past couple months, I’ve had a esophageal barium exam and a laryngoscopy to determine why

October 30, 2017

3

Oops

I went to see a new shrink yesterday and failed to report the outcome of that visit on yesterday's entry. Back when I was first diagnosed of being Bipolar, that shrink said I was Type II which is a milder form of the disorder. Yesterday's shrink said I was actually Type I, good ol' Manic Depression. He based his diagnosis on the severity of my periods of mania, plus my bouts with Major Depression and my one serious attempt at suicide. I have to see another shrink at the clinic next m

January 25, 2012

2

Oh, bother . . . . v. 2.0

Unless something very important occurs tomorrow, my life as I now know it will be seriously jeopardized. It's not life threatening, but it will be a big bother; and, I'm not in the mood for getting screwed when I didn't, technically, do anything to earn this kind of treatment. Oh, if something doesn't occur, I may be unable to get online for sometime. Oh, and I think I'm going to stay here in Texas, maybe get an apartment over towards Arlington or Grand Prairie, or maybe even as far

August 4, 2011

8

Too Fluffy

Winter finally arrived today. Puffed rain fell most of the day, until there was three inches of soft water covering anything with horizontal surfaces. The National Weather Service advises continued periodic dustings for the next four days. Writer's Block continues. . . .

January 15, 2012

2

30 days to go

30 days from today I'll board a train to Chicago where I'll spend one night. Most of the next day will be spent in Chicago's Union Station waiting for the Empire Builder to take me to Seattle, WA. Since my son confirmed he was will to put me up (or put up with me) for however long it takes to get an apartment of my own, I won't have to spend any money in a motel. My biggest expense will be the rental car I'll have until I find a car. 30 days and counting ....

September 4, 2011

2

RIP Carl Holiday, addendum

Thanks to all who expressed concern here and otherwise. I've only come back due to the amount of concern. This is not a rash decision, nor has it been taken lightly. Life has come to a point where it the option was to truly go insane as my world crumbled around me, take the ultimate exit, or to attempt to walk away. I choose the latter. I've been nutso before and, trust me, it ain't no fun being in a world unto your own, especially when no one notices. I went off my rocker an

December 1, 2010

10

Fabian

Have you ever listened to the ads on your local radio station and wonder if anyone was actually there? Tonight, as we were heading to our favorite Mexican restaurant, the station played an ad for the local daffodil festival, which just happened to occur today. They were expounding on the Grand Floral Parade encouraging listeners to flock to downtown Tacoma, Puyallup, Sumner, and even Orting. The ad was completely worthless; and, who wants to go to Orting? They practically closed the town thi

April 22, 2007

1

Old

I realized this morning that I’m old. Not growing old, just old. This not to say I’ve reached the end of my creative cycle because there are still stories to tell. I have one story that is ready to be published, but I’ve lost contact with my editor (Sharon). Such is life that I should still have stories to be published, but no editor to review them prior to publishing. I await contact with my prior editor to be reestablished, but so far I don’t think much is going to occur in that direction

June 10, 2018

2

40+50=70+30=100

I received my disability award from the Veterans Administration the other day. A month and a half ago they awarded me 40 percent for my crotchety knees. Now they awarded an additional 50 percent for the bipolar and 30 percent for what is called individual unemployability. In other words, I’m 100 percent disabled due to the bipolar, the knee problems, and individual unemployability. The individual unemployability is the important facet of the equation. They went to great lengths to explain my

July 8, 2011

3

Skin Cancer

This morning I had a squamous cell carcinoma removed from my left ear by Mohs surgery. Since I'm allergic to all analgesics other than aspirin and the clinic I went to didn't prescribe a pain killer, I'm taking my aspirin and living with the pain. But, as the discharge paper said, it will get better day by day. The next chapter of WWW is progressing. We may actually be coming to a finalization of the story. 319 is approaching an on hold status unless I can figure a way to get chapter 6 t

September 30, 2016

3

Not a bother anymore

Well, I made it back from a short stay in oblivion. In many ways, it was the waiting that hurt the most. Bureaucratic time runs too slow, especially if you’re caught in the eddies. Basically, my bank did not send out a replacement debit card for my expiring card. After giving it a good wait, just in case some wayward demon had nothing better to do than mess with someone’s life, I called and the rep said, “Yes, I’d waited long enough and he’d send out a new card and, by the way your card has

August 18, 2011

3

Wine of Wyoming

I’ve been reading a collection of Ernest Hemingway’s first forty-nine short stories and I finally came to “Wine of Wyoming.” I suppose it’s a nice short story, except for the French dialogue of which there is quite too much. Two of the characters in the story are from France and, of course, speak French quite a bit, even though much of it is broken. But, enough of it is illegible to someone who does not, nor never has, spoken the language of France, Quebec, French Guiana, and other foreign outpo

June 4, 2017

2

Stay out of the shrubbery!

I don

October 30, 2010

1

Gore Vidal

The fantastic gay writer Gore Vidal died yesterday at the age of 86. Today the national media is full of obits, in fact, too many to compete with. Wikipedia has a terrific article that I recommend reading. My introduction to Gore Vidal was his memoir Palimpsest. I honestly tried to read his historical novels, but we didn't click.

August 1, 2012

3

Settle'n In

(Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles) I’ve been living with my son a little over three months and things are going pretty good at the moment. There a few issues going on, but nothing onerous to the point I might consider moving into an apartment. Brownies (Concerto in Jazz byMantovani and His Orchestra) My son smokes, cigarettes, cigars, and marijuana. Last week he made brownies, but the marijuana he gets from the neighbor overpowered the flavor. There was barely a taste of chocolate. If

January 24, 2012

1

In the Filbert Orchard

I wish I would’ve had my laptop when I was at the funny farm, as it is not all was lost to the vagueness of mental instability. About a week into my stay one of the resident’s, D_____, sister agreed to bring in five composition books (those with the scrambled black and white pattern on the cover), so I was able to write an entry for nearly every day after that until I finally gave up in March. D_____ is a good ol’ boy from north central Texas who is proud to say both he and his daughter rece

April 27, 2011

1

Wow! Talk about blow-jobs!

Had a wonderful time in Wyoming last night and this morning; got me a couple of fantastic Wyoming blow-jobs. Let me tell you right now, if you want a blow-job to remember for a long, long time, well head right on over to Wyoming. Now, Wyoming isn

November 27, 2010

2

Goodbye Rambo

Was it inevitable? We’ll never know. What is known is that my son’s 90 lb. German Shepherd bit me yesterday morning with no provocation. I was sitting at the desk working on the laptop and Nana was rummaging around my chair. I reached down to pet her and Rambo chomped down onto my forearm and wrist with enough force to draw blood. Luckily for me, this time the entire episode was viewed by my son who has been of the opinion that every time Rambo has attacked me in the past has, somehow, been

June 14, 2016

5

Oh, damn, now what?

Well, I guess the time has arrived. This morning, I worked with an enrollment advisor at a university that thinks I have what it takes to pursue a Bachelor's in English. At least I got the language right. So, at 62 years of age, I'm going back to 1968 when I dropped out of college the first time around.

October 10, 2012

7

Level Three

The last office building I worked in had three sub-basements. Actually, there was a fourth one, but no one worked there othere than to check for water seepage. I had a friend who worked on Level Three and she did not like it down there because she didn't have a window to see outside. I've pretty much decided to call the crisis line tomorrow morning, unless something dramatic happens between now and then.

May 5, 2011

2

Oops

I wait for things to happen, like today when I broke the television not more than an hour after my son left for work. A number of weeks ago I bought him a 42 inch TV and thought now was a good time to get an HD box from infinity. The picture was good, I guess, but I’ve always had a problem with HD (if you look close enough the picture doesn’t seem to appear better). Whatever was on our television today certainly looked good. I guess it was inevitable that I was going to muck things up. Thing

February 8, 2012

1

Use Sunscreen!

Just got a call from the dermatology clinic where I had the latest biopsy on my left ear. The pathology report came back today and it's a squamous cell carcinoma. They'll be scheduling with the VA as to whether they or the VA will do the surgery. They will be recommending one of their Mohs qualified surgeons handle the procedure. They VA will probably say that I should have my ear whacked off just to save a few bucks. Life moves on, as I've got a lot of writing to do, a dog to house train, a

July 25, 2016

5

It might have made sense if this was first

That's the problem with new toys, you're never certain how they work until you push one of the buttons. I intended to have this entry as my first, but I pushed the silly button and "Forlorn" jumped out of the gate and was halfway down the track before I noticed my mistake. This is my fourth attempt at establishing a literary blog. Previous attempts were on blogspot and my original blog that still resides on LiveJournal. If you're interested in a more personal view of my life check out v.

December 9, 2006

2

Life in review

Went to the VA hospital today for an interview about my bipolar disorder. Seems I asked them to consider this as a service-connected disability because I’d seen a psychiatrist when stationed in Abilene, Texas, back in 1971 and ’72. I thought all I was asking for was a reconsideration of the existing disability on my decrepit knees, but, no, they wanted to know everything about the nutso side of me. As interviews go, it went well, I suppose. I don’t expect anything to come of it because the m

April 26, 2011

2

250 and Laphroaig

Back in February I weighed 285, which quite frankly is too much, even though my doctor said “You carry it so well, no one notices.” I weighed 14.25 percent of a ton, way too much as far as I wanted even if no one noticed. This morning I weighed 250. I figured I was due some sort of celebration. Which brings us to Laphroaig, a damn nice Islay Single Malt Whisky. Please notice I didn’t use whiskey (the American spelling). Our liquor cabinet is rather small and can only hold six or seven bo

July 28, 2012

1

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