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RIP - Comicality
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Entries in this blog

FAIL

Everything I do or try to achieve, I fail miserably at. Why?   What's so wrong with me?   Is it my personality?   Am I just not good looking enough?   Am I an asshole and don't know it?   Am I stupid?   I'm just not comprehending why every time I find a boy I like they want nothing to do with me. Another thing, why do they always let me get my hopes up first? Why not just go ahead and tell me that I stand a snowball's chance in Hell? WHY? What is the reasoning behind all o
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9

Alone And Considering

I've only once really thought about it so much as I have now. That was a long time ago, though. Now, I'm not sure what's going on in my head. Nothing's the way it should be, and everyone except Liz hates me or thinks I'm this pathetic druggie loser. I'm tired of it, ya know? It's just not right. No one really cares except a few, select people.   Normally, when you hear people considering what I'm considering talk, they latch on to those "few, select people". It's like the opinion of o
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9

Hello Again

Hehe, I like philosophy class. I especially like the way baptists gang rape logic and philosophers pretend to be experts in the other sciences. I have also decided that philosophy is probably the most useless waste of brain power possible. There is absolutely no realm within philosophy anymore other than ethics; almost all of the other major questions they pose can be answered by one of the other sciences with concrete evidence, as opposed to shaky inductive arguments.   Don't even get me
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9

Girl Brain

I have found out that I have a decidedly female brain. I have also found out that simply because a man is gay does not mean that his brain will function any differently than a completely straight guy's does. I have further learned that boy-brained people are f**king weird.   I'm doing this paper on gender and communication for anthropology, and it's very interesting. It talks about the differences between the ways men and women in general will communicate in private and public settings. Wo
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9

Drug Wars (maybe other things)

Skip my bullshit minor problems if you want a good story and scroll to the bottom.   On 12.11.18 I went to go get my meds from Walgreens, the ones I have to take or I die (anti-rejection meds), and they only had a partial refill.  I thought fine, I have plenty of extra for a few days just in case, and you'll obviously reorder, so that's okay, I assume pharmacies overnight their drugs when needed.     Last Sunday I called.  No answer after fifteen minutes, the phone just disco
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8

I'm Always On The Wrong Day

Oh jeebus guys. Oh jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebus. Blech!!! I think the fact that I'm incredibly tired and far too caffeinated is definitely contributing to this annoyance, but I've just had a run of annoyances lately and I'm looking for fun to balance it.   Okay, so, worst case scenario:   1.) I lose my job that I've had for barely one week because I got my schedule ALL f**ked up and have missed a shift or two on accident. 2.) I settle for what I think is less than I deserve and end up with a
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7

Warning: Fragile

I feel like if anyone touches me, I'll break. Even if it's a hug, I'll just break. It doesn't matter if they love me or not, at this point enough bad things have happened that I'll just fall apart. I really hate feeling this way. All day today I've been kind of tearing up and then having take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. I'm nearing hysterical, and it's just not fun.   Why?   Some bad shit has happened to me, and I just don't want to talk about it. I'm shamed and feeling a
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7

Back to the Shrink!

So the latest self analysis bout has begun. I've been thinking seriously about going back to see a shrink. Not for depression, oh no. I'm pretty happy these days. However...   Maybe I actually am anorexic. I don't really think I am. Yeah, sure, I'm kind of obsessive about my weight. However, given the fact that I am overweight, and have always been overweight since late childhood, I think I have a solid right to be obsessive about my weight. If I were underweight and believed I still n
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7

MSN, Finances, And Villainy

Okay, so how's it going, guys? My MSN list is officially a wasteland. Once upon a time, I could sign in and have wondrously meaningful and interesting or at least just random funny conversations at any time of day or night. Now... there is never a soul online. I have like five people that I ever speak to, and everyone else is just... gone. My solution: greeneyeliner39429@hotmail.com, come entertain me sometime. Yah, random, but I like having people to talk to and I like being social someti
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6

Felt Like Sharing

A good friend of mine introduced this to me a while back. Every now and then I kinda stumble back across it cleaning my room/computer/journal/whatever and it makes me feel a lot better and kinda puts me back on the right track. I'm not much for prayer, but I do like good advice. Anyway, you can wiki this if you wanna know more about it, but it's entitled "Desiderata", translating from Latin to "desired things" in English. My favorite line is in bold: "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken
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6

To a Child Not Yet Born

I have just finished reading one of the best books I have ever read in my entire life. It was pristinely crystalline. Perfect. I'm still in shock that it was able to make me not stop reading it all the way through. That hasn't happened to me in years.   A Density of Souls, by Christopher Rice   It was just... amazing. I saw a lot of things coming, as usual, but it was so detailed, so complex, so absolutely and indescribably perfect!   Stephen is perfectly written. All of the char
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5

Camping and Zoloft

I had a great time at the creek last weekend. Paul invited me, and it was a f**king blast. I got to meet his boyfriend, Levi, for the first time really. I'd seen him around before but never really spoken to him, which is a total shame because the boy is absolutely one of the nicest people ever.   He talked me into shotgunning a beer with him after I'd already had SEVERAL, lol. Then he didn't complain at all when he had to help me to my tent because I was drunk enough for the sand to be m
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5

Velocity vs Viscosity

You know how I have that brain thing where I think about a million things all at once? Well, one of my favorite books is Girl, Interrupted. There's a passage in there that explains it really well, so I'm posting it here. Pay attention to the velocity part. (Yes, I'm keeping the paragraphs exactly as they are in the book, it's part of the style. Looks better single spaced with slight indentions to mark paragraphs.)     Velocity vs. Viscosity   Insanity comes in two basic varieties: slow
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5

Just one moment

I went to the gas station and like an idiot left my wallet, I just wanted to buy cigarettes (before you say it, yes, I know I'll get the cancer, I'm fully realizing that, I'm okay with it, I'm just gonna jump off a building when it happens, but for right now it keeps me sane, I like to borrow against my future, probably not healthy but we cope in our own ways).  I went to the counter and he said "6.67".  I reached for my wallet and SURPRISE, that shit is not there, because I've been so distracte
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5

Ambivalence

I was telling a good friend earlier that I really don't know if I should be happy that I'm always right or sad that people never surprise me.   I've severed any and all ties with the boy that was driving me insane. I've deleted his number from my phone, his addy from my msn... hell I've thrown away the Pez dispensers his mom sent as a happy. Everything I can think of that reminds me of him is gone; I've efficiently and thoroughly erased his existence, and the only sign that he ever was is
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4

It's been a while...

I've been neglecting GA really badly. Makes me a little sad, but it's because I'm just so busy all the time with all of this insanity that is collegiate life. Really, though, I have an extremely important announcement to make.     I got my hips pierced. HAHAHAHA, YES! Microdermals!!! It's like a tiny plate thingy they slide under the skin after punching a hole with a needle. I want six total, three on each side, but I got these first to see how they'll end up looking and feeling so I
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4

Cousins and Stuff

So today some really huge issues came up and I am really at a loss as to further course of action. I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I have to take serious action regarding these issues, because I know I can't just let them lie. If I do, I may end up with regrets that I'm just not willing to live with. One of these involves a sorta.... well.... let's say that it's within the realm of those few and far between things I just can't talk about on my blog due to possible legal repercussions
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4

I sneezed

A funny thing happened to me while I was at work the other day.  I will preface this by saying you have to understand the context to get the punchline the universe delivered.  I've been dealing with major problems, like life or death problems, and usually if something goes wrong it's a trip to the ER and then admission and then days before they let me go.  I felt a small victory in the midst of dealing with this because it was so comedic in comparison to what I normally deal with.   So
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4

Hello, Jamie (Said Dr. Lecter-style)

Wow. Just wow. Went to the psychowhatsit.   I have never met anyone quite like that woman. I'm telling you, it was like I was in Silence of the Lambs from the way she kept asking the exact right questions to get to the exact root of my problems. The woman is the single most competent and intelligent mental health professional I've ever met. In fact, she's the ONLY competent one I've met.   Bitch is freakin' amazing. I've never met anyone like her! I know I'm gushing, but omg if she
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4

The Dead to Me List Grows

I have found myself in a strange position.  I don't have many friends, and that circle has become even smaller lately.  Never being overly social, I value my time alone, so it doesn't bother me too much.  On the other hand, I find that when I allow myself too much time to think I get carried off on wild tangential paradoxical loops of thought that leave me wanting to peel my own skin off strip by strip in order to cease analyzing.  In my mind, there's a list of people.  It's not an ever present
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3

Long One, Lulz

So I'll start by explaining yesterday, which exemplifies why I often lose all faith in people, lol. Liz's ex, Pete, came to stay with us for a couple days. The reason for this is that their mutual friend is the Romanian guy, Adrian, who once hit on me while he was incredibly inebriated in that thick accent of his, proclaiming "Motherf**ker! My parents hate me! I want to f**k you!" Most awkwardly hilarious thing that's ever happened with a guy, just sayin'.   Adrian jumped in front of an
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3

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

If you haven't read the book, do it soon. I'm rereading it, and I'm quite fond of this book. Definitely on my top ten list, anyway. So, this is a poem from the book that I thought worth sharing. It's a really important part of the book and you'll understand more if you read the book, but it's awesome even by itself. I hope you enjoy it, anyway.   Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines   he wrote a poem   And he called it "Chops"   because that was the name of his dog  
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3

It's been a while, huh?

In September of last year, things in my memory get hazy quickly.  Bits and pieces have come back to me over time that I now know to be accurate, but I still have to recreate what happened based on how my memory fits in with explanations from friends and family, text messages and emails, and my hospital records.   Since I was nineteen, I’ve been somewhat of a heavy drinker on and off.  God knows what all the drugs I did in my younger days did to me.  There were multiple times as a teen
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3

I'm GOING to Have a Good Day, Damn It

I'm sick of this shit. I've managed to slip up and let myself regress back to my old self. I've slid back into that idiotic frame of mind where I let other people influence how happy I am, where I depend on other people. I need to get back to being self-sufficient, independent of any needs that require other people's cooperation. Today's gonna be the turnaround. I need to make up my lost ground and gain a little more.   First, I'm getting back to my diet/exercise. I'm not gonna let oth
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3

Smileyface!

So I'm wasting time right now until Kevin decides to wake up. I've been basically living at his apartment, going home to shower/shave/change/grab stuff and then I pretty much come right back, and I go to class. I gotta say it's sort of funny how now that I've backed away from my social circles, everyone's paying a lot of attention to me. It's so ironic that when I actually wanted attention, I could never get anyone to give me the time of day, and now that I have Kevin, everybody wants me to p
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