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It's been a while...

I've been neglecting GA really badly. Makes me a little sad, but it's because I'm just so busy all the time with all of this insanity that is collegiate life. Really, though, I have an extremely important announcement to make.     I got my hips pierced. HAHAHAHA, YES! Microdermals!!! It's like a tiny plate thingy they slide under the skin after punching a hole with a needle. I want six total, three on each side, but I got these first to see how they'll end up looking and feeling so I
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4

I'm GOING to Have a Good Day, Damn It

I'm sick of this shit. I've managed to slip up and let myself regress back to my old self. I've slid back into that idiotic frame of mind where I let other people influence how happy I am, where I depend on other people. I need to get back to being self-sufficient, independent of any needs that require other people's cooperation. Today's gonna be the turnaround. I need to make up my lost ground and gain a little more.   First, I'm getting back to my diet/exercise. I'm not gonna let oth
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3

Shot Boy?

All kinds of things are happening. It's so much fun, so much going on all at once, and it's just... it's how life SHOULD be. Slightly stressful, but not too much, and lots of good, with a steady stream of continual progress.   Well, I have a new roommate. Allan, my friend who hated his roomie, switched with my roomie so now we live together. Yeah, that's the Allan I made out with. No, I'm not going to make out with him again. It just isn't going to happen because of several factors, bu
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2

Really? REALLY?!

First off, you should listen to the song Dancing by Elisa. It's absolutely f**king beautiful and it makes me want to cry and smile and giggle and sob all at the same time.   So, the reason this entry is entitled "Really? REALLY?!" is because it's just un-freakin'-believable sometimes, with the shit life tends to throw at me. It's not bad, but I'm so frustrated! You guys know me, I'm a worrier, which means I want to fix everything and everyone.   Two of my aunts are losin' their freak
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2

I'm Always On The Wrong Day

Oh jeebus guys. Oh jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebus. Blech!!! I think the fact that I'm incredibly tired and far too caffeinated is definitely contributing to this annoyance, but I've just had a run of annoyances lately and I'm looking for fun to balance it.   Okay, so, worst case scenario:   1.) I lose my job that I've had for barely one week because I got my schedule ALL f**ked up and have missed a shift or two on accident. 2.) I settle for what I think is less than I deserve and end up with a
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7

Truths

I've decided to list the ones that I've found so far.     1.) It is far easier to find lies than truths.   2.) There are many truths, but many more lies.   3.) Lies can be disproven, and most truths can never be proven.   4.) Everyone will inevitably disappoint you at some point.   5.) Disappointment is neither good nor bad in and of itself.   6.) There is no unifying truth, no ultimate purpose.   7.) Truth differs subjectively between perspectives as it bends, contorts, and is so
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2

Hello, Jamie (Said Dr. Lecter-style)

Wow. Just wow. Went to the psychowhatsit.   I have never met anyone quite like that woman. I'm telling you, it was like I was in Silence of the Lambs from the way she kept asking the exact right questions to get to the exact root of my problems. The woman is the single most competent and intelligent mental health professional I've ever met. In fact, she's the ONLY competent one I've met.   Bitch is freakin' amazing. I've never met anyone like her! I know I'm gushing, but omg if she
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4

Camping and Zoloft

I had a great time at the creek last weekend. Paul invited me, and it was a f**king blast. I got to meet his boyfriend, Levi, for the first time really. I'd seen him around before but never really spoken to him, which is a total shame because the boy is absolutely one of the nicest people ever.   He talked me into shotgunning a beer with him after I'd already had SEVERAL, lol. Then he didn't complain at all when he had to help me to my tent because I was drunk enough for the sand to be m
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5

To a Child Not Yet Born

I have just finished reading one of the best books I have ever read in my entire life. It was pristinely crystalline. Perfect. I'm still in shock that it was able to make me not stop reading it all the way through. That hasn't happened to me in years.   A Density of Souls, by Christopher Rice   It was just... amazing. I saw a lot of things coming, as usual, but it was so detailed, so complex, so absolutely and indescribably perfect!   Stephen is perfectly written. All of the char
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5

Mmm, Jello

So I went out last night to a house party with my friend Paul. One important fact that I have learned over the years; my favorite alcoholic drink is, by far, the jello shot. Can you think of a more perfect drink? It's not even a drink, it's a snack. That means you can have a drink at the same time. You can't taste the alcohol, only the jello-ey goodness. It's just so convenient, so fun.   I will admit that usually I don't exactly have a lot of fun at parties. I'm always either totally
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2

Ambivalence

I was telling a good friend earlier that I really don't know if I should be happy that I'm always right or sad that people never surprise me.   I've severed any and all ties with the boy that was driving me insane. I've deleted his number from my phone, his addy from my msn... hell I've thrown away the Pez dispensers his mom sent as a happy. Everything I can think of that reminds me of him is gone; I've efficiently and thoroughly erased his existence, and the only sign that he ever was is
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4

The Donor Got Jacked

My mother told me something extremely interesting and more than just a little hilarious today. As you all well know, I do not like my sperm-donor. Well, karma has bitten him squarely upon the ass, and it made me giggle.   He was robbed recently.   He was at work (offshore) and his wife was not home.   They took EVERYTHING. A few items missing:   -.45 pistol -Big screen TV -Computers -500 dollars in cash -Checks   Every drawer was up-ended. Every cabinet was raked bare. N
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3

Velocity vs Viscosity

You know how I have that brain thing where I think about a million things all at once? Well, one of my favorite books is Girl, Interrupted. There's a passage in there that explains it really well, so I'm posting it here. Pay attention to the velocity part. (Yes, I'm keeping the paragraphs exactly as they are in the book, it's part of the style. Looks better single spaced with slight indentions to mark paragraphs.)     Velocity vs. Viscosity   Insanity comes in two basic varieties: slow
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5

Hey, Look, I Bounced!

Heh, my mom told me a kinda funny thing about the whole annoying depression thing a lil while back and just the way she worded it was funny to me. Something to do with the fact that falling isn't bad, but not being bouncy is. She maintains that some people's problem is that they never learn to bounce.   Anyway, I'm back in school. No more roomie to make me feel degraded and hopeless (in fact I have a private room), a few semi-friends who are all nice in passing. One of them was my hall d
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1

Warning: Fragile

I feel like if anyone touches me, I'll break. Even if it's a hug, I'll just break. It doesn't matter if they love me or not, at this point enough bad things have happened that I'll just fall apart. I really hate feeling this way. All day today I've been kind of tearing up and then having take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. I'm nearing hysterical, and it's just not fun.   Why?   Some bad shit has happened to me, and I just don't want to talk about it. I'm shamed and feeling a
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7

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

If you haven't read the book, do it soon. I'm rereading it, and I'm quite fond of this book. Definitely on my top ten list, anyway. So, this is a poem from the book that I thought worth sharing. It's a really important part of the book and you'll understand more if you read the book, but it's awesome even by itself. I hope you enjoy it, anyway.   Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines   he wrote a poem   And he called it "Chops"   because that was the name of his dog  
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3

PSY 110 Paper

So I have to write 10 pages worth of a paper for psychology. So far I have almost eight, and I'm splitting it into two papers (that's allowed so long as there's ten pages of text total). This one is a self-diagnosis, which I think is probably the last thing he wants to read, lol. I'm wondering if it's just too much to turn in... diagnosing myself with borderline personality disorder may be a bit weird of a read, but the paper is really vague, it's just supposed to be on how psychology applies
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2

Felt Like Sharing

A good friend of mine introduced this to me a while back. Every now and then I kinda stumble back across it cleaning my room/computer/journal/whatever and it makes me feel a lot better and kinda puts me back on the right track. I'm not much for prayer, but I do like good advice. Anyway, you can wiki this if you wanna know more about it, but it's entitled "Desiderata", translating from Latin to "desired things" in English. My favorite line is in bold: "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken
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6

Cousins and Stuff

So today some really huge issues came up and I am really at a loss as to further course of action. I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I have to take serious action regarding these issues, because I know I can't just let them lie. If I do, I may end up with regrets that I'm just not willing to live with. One of these involves a sorta.... well.... let's say that it's within the realm of those few and far between things I just can't talk about on my blog due to possible legal repercussions
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4

MSN, Finances, And Villainy

Okay, so how's it going, guys? My MSN list is officially a wasteland. Once upon a time, I could sign in and have wondrously meaningful and interesting or at least just random funny conversations at any time of day or night. Now... there is never a soul online. I have like five people that I ever speak to, and everyone else is just... gone. My solution: greeneyeliner39429@hotmail.com, come entertain me sometime. Yah, random, but I like having people to talk to and I like being social someti
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6

Back to the Shrink!

So the latest self analysis bout has begun. I've been thinking seriously about going back to see a shrink. Not for depression, oh no. I'm pretty happy these days. However...   Maybe I actually am anorexic. I don't really think I am. Yeah, sure, I'm kind of obsessive about my weight. However, given the fact that I am overweight, and have always been overweight since late childhood, I think I have a solid right to be obsessive about my weight. If I were underweight and believed I still n
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7

Girl Brain

I have found out that I have a decidedly female brain. I have also found out that simply because a man is gay does not mean that his brain will function any differently than a completely straight guy's does. I have further learned that boy-brained people are f**king weird.   I'm doing this paper on gender and communication for anthropology, and it's very interesting. It talks about the differences between the ways men and women in general will communicate in private and public settings. Wo
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9

Hello Again

Hehe, I like philosophy class. I especially like the way baptists gang rape logic and philosophers pretend to be experts in the other sciences. I have also decided that philosophy is probably the most useless waste of brain power possible. There is absolutely no realm within philosophy anymore other than ethics; almost all of the other major questions they pose can be answered by one of the other sciences with concrete evidence, as opposed to shaky inductive arguments.   Don't even get me
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9

FAIL

Everything I do or try to achieve, I fail miserably at. Why?   What's so wrong with me?   Is it my personality?   Am I just not good looking enough?   Am I an asshole and don't know it?   Am I stupid?   I'm just not comprehending why every time I find a boy I like they want nothing to do with me. Another thing, why do they always let me get my hopes up first? Why not just go ahead and tell me that I stand a snowball's chance in Hell? WHY? What is the reasoning behind all o
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