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My Unboyfriend

When I first met you I knew you were special. I can still see your dirty blond hair, your warm hazel eyes, and your silly goofy smile. Being around you made me tingle. When I was with you I was exactly where I was supposed to be. You made me feel alive.   I remember our playful banter. I remember the smile you gave me when you saw me. I remember looking off the railing while we were together. The feeling of absolute happiness and joy I felt when you hugged me from behind and we just stayed th

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The Value Of A Moment

I wasn't out of the closet when I was in high school. Most of my teenage years were really confusing for me. I grew up with a lot of normalized homophobia. Any mention of anything gay was wrong and ridiculed and that was just the way it was. It was so ingrained in me that even I thought being gay was wrong. Boys were meant to be with girls and that was that.   Elementary school was such a fun time for me. I got along with almost everyone and was always known as the "smart" kid. School cam

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Oh baby, baby

I just bought my tickets for The Circus Tour starring Britney Spears and featuring The Pussycat Dolls. Spent a ridiculous amount of money, but feel quite accomplished! I'm not a huge concert goer, and have never spent more than 30 dollars, so I figured... the hell with it. So excited!   I learned last night that I'm not really good at making people feel better. I've always considered myself a really empathetic person, but perhaps that's the problem. Whenever I'm upset, I act really weir

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Visually Male

I'm taking a course on Human Sexuality, which I thought was going to be interesting and philosophical, when it's just an upgraded sex ed class. Anyway, in the class the teacher was explaining that the reason men are associated more with watching pornography is that they're more visual while women are more tactile. I thought this was interesting, since five or so of my current song obsessions were just okay until I saw a video of some sort for them.   This would also explain why women and g

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What I like most

what i like most about clubs is that it's like a huge ego boost. you walk in, everyone stares at you with no shame whatsoever. 3/4 of the people there are buzzed, at least a third are on something. and no one is subtle. if someone thinks you're hot, they'll let you know.   when i go to clubs, i'm not looking for a relationship. at most, two dances. maybe a phone number exchange, but i'm not going to spend my whole night dancing with one person. tonight was the countdown show and it wa

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Like a whattt?

1. Womanizer   I remember absolutely HATING this song the first few times I heard it. I was expecting Gimme More Pt. II and this was so not it. I saw the video, and it kind of made the song for me. This was a really smart choice as the first single because it's loud, it's cocky, and it's addictive. Once I started liking it, I became hooked. 9/10   2. Circus   This is what I expected the first single to be like, it's the perfect description of the album. It's fierce, it's provocative,

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Just ten more days

...and I'm out of here! So EXCITING! I'll never have to be around any of these disgusting, inconsiderate, unattractive, socially inept assholes again. I mean, is it absolutely necessary to use the bathroom WITHOUT closing the door first and WITHOUT flushing the toilet when you're done? Seriously? Seriously?   But that's okay, the countdown has begun.

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How far we've come

I saw him for the last time last night. I didn't get off work until 11:20, but I still headed over. My friends all said I didn't have an obligation to go, but I said I had to. I rushed from my classes earlier in the day to go buy his birthday presents, and I also made this picture frame of him and me with little inside jokes on it. I drove all the way over there with my friend, and I am so glad she came with me. When I got there, I felt so uncomfortable. I didn't know anyone else, he did a

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YAY NEW CAR!

His name is Casper! Pretty much the hottest thing ever, says I. Crazy month so far... got my manager keys, learned to drive in less than a week, got my permit, signed up for my driving test, new glasses, new car, annnnd not too shabby on the gpa. Would love to talk more, but I get to go drive now. yay!

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Please stay.

So lately I've been kind of emotional, and I haven't pinned it to anything. I'm controlling my emotions in the sense that only one or two people even know that things are affecting me the way they are. I've done a pretty good job of putting on a smile and not letting it affect my performance at work or my mood around my friends. Whenever I get home, though, I just feel like I want to eat a pint of ice cream and watch Will & Grace and not think about anything else (which I of course haven'

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People are A**holes

Perhaps it's the energy drink talking, or the fact that I'm up at 3 in the morning desperately trying to finish writing a 5 page research paper, (that I haven't started yet) but...   I'm seriously getting fed up with people. People that for the past months I've spent so much time with just keep disappointing me. It's so immature and such childish behavior too and I just can't understand WHY. And what irritates me even more is that I put up with it, I give them the benefit of the doubt, hell

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The plague.

I was sick a couple weeks ago, and just when I was getting better, I caught another bug. Only thing is, this one is far worse. I haven't been to work for my last two shifts, and I've been stuck in bed since Wednesday. I never miss work. If I have a cough, or just don't feel all that good, I usually just suck it up and go to work anyway.     I don't even know what I have. I'm constantly dizzy, my head is pounding, and I'm hot and cold at the same time. Last night, I was freezing, and I

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In the end

...only kindness matters. These are words to live by.   People are not inherently kind. We're a twisted, complicated bunch. We hurt others. We disappoint others. We always believe that the hurt we cause is greatly out-weighed by the hurt we go through. I don't think this is the case.   But I think it's okay to hurt. It's a part of life, a learning experience that spurs empathy and helps us reevaluate our circumstances. Does this mean we should hurt others to help them grow and ma

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Grope me, please.

Apparently that's the vibe I was giving off last night. I went to Club tigerheat for the first time yesterday with two of my girlfriends. We got there around 11, and had to wait in line for an hour to get in, but it was actually a lot of fun! It's only the second club I've ever been to (Rage being the first), and I have to say I really liked it. The go-go boys were really cute, and the music was fun to dance to, give or take a couple of songs.   It was fun, that is, minus the groping. I

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This is getting ridiculous

So one of my friends from work asked me if I knew this guy, and I told her I had. She thought that we would make the cutest couple. I told her I actually had a huge crush on him last year. What did she do? She went to him and told him that someone thought he was cute. He asked who, and when she told him, she said that he flipped out. He had no idea, but he thought I was cute and didn't think anything was ever going to happen there. So she told me today that this happened, and told me that

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So it wasn't the latter

We talked it out, and basically it was decided that we should just be friends--at least for now. Yeah there are complications, but still, it kinda stung. The fact that we both have feelings for each other apparently means nothing. It's okay though, I can deal with it.   On brighter news, I got hit on at work a couple of weeks ago. The guy gave me a note that read "cute smile. call me." And I finally did. We went on our first date today... funny thing is he's not the guy I thought I was

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I thought I would feel better

So a lot has happened between me and the guy that I've developed feelings for in the past couple of months. Let's keep it short and say that I've slept at his place quite a few times, and we've cuddled and held each other and all that jazz. Nothing more, though. No kissing, and nothing beyond that. I found out through a friend that he likes me and kind of has a feeling that I like him.   I should be ecstatic right? I'm not. Apparently he's worried because I don't know how to drive. I

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You're not living, until you're living with me

la la la la la la... okay, I admit, I'm completely addicted to that song. Whatever, it's catchy.   So I cut my hair. It's like an inch and a half long now. I was getting tired of the medium-longish length, so I it's gone now. I think I like it. It should be easier to maintain, so that's good. If I figure out how to add a picture at the bottom, I'll try that.   In other news, I have this friend who I was on not so good terms with for the last couple of months. She apologized, and sh

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:]!

I saw him outside of work today and I didn't even have to initiate it! My friend wanted to come see him, so when she came by I introduced them and she absolutely loved him. She said we were totally flirting, so that's good. He brought up dinner with another coworker of mine, and when she mentioned that I got off at the same time, she said he sounded really excited and wanted her to invite me. We all ended up going together, and it was amazing.   During the meal, at one point he kept

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I just want you to know who I am

Since Friday, I've seen him every single day. Today made me happy. He's just so darn cute! My friend (who's also a manager) kept telling us to stop flirting, and he never denied it. He just kind of smiled and looked down. At one point, I was folding shirts at the cash wrap and he was helping a customer, and he kind of pushed my stuff over and told me that I was invading his space. I retaliated with it actually being him invading my personal bubble, and when we were moving the stuff back

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Sigh...

So this isn't really worth reading, so I'd just skip it. I just felt like gushing, and since I feel like I do it every time the smallest thing happens between him and I to my friends, I'm going to let it out here.   So the guy I really like at work is the most adorable guy ever. He's sweet, funny, really cute, and flirtatious. Oh. man. lol. Lately, he and I have been flirting quite a bit, but I don't want to read too into it because he just seems like a big flirt. (in a cute way though)

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Oh man.

Today has been an amazing day. Although what happened was pretty great, it's not so much because of what happened as more of how my mood has been.   I wake up to go to work today, and my roommate finally moved in. He actually got here 5 minutes after I got up. It was good to see him again, and after I got out of the shower (I haven't shaved, so I have a little bit of stubble) his girlfriend said "that's who you remind me of--JOHNNY DEPP!" I have never gotten that before, but man did i

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I need a hit, baby give me it.

So they are officially GONE. They did end up waking me last night, but I didn't get up until like an hour later. Went into the kitchen, and he sent in one of the girls to try and butter me up. I was really nice to her, but I wasn't fooled. So he came to my room and we talked. I told him, they have to leave. He tried to switch it up on me, saying that he cleaned up after me a couple times too. Uh, no. I told him upfront that I cleaned up every single time. I have witnesses. lol. He s

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When Life is a Song

Choose one band/artist and answer the following questions using only titles of their songs.     Artist: Garbage   01. Are you male or female? Stupid Girl or Bad Boyfriend   02. Describe yourself? Supervixen   03. How do you feel about yourself? I Think I'm Paranoid   04. Describe what you are thinking right now? You Look So Fine   05. Describe where you currently live? Happy Home   06. If you could go anywhere, where would you go? Why Don't You Come Over   07.

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