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In My Head

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Entries in this blog

Betrayed.Crap.Update

So I've been kinda MIA for about what? Two months..? Figured it was time for an update. I was raped by one of my close friends who was living with Teo and I because of some issues at home, which lead to him having no where to go. I've been really... out of it since then so I haven't been on much. So... long story short. Not only am I having to deal with the fact that I was betrayed by someone whom i thought was my friend, i feel like a f**king idiot. but I am scared to death, as Chris was HIV

R-Jayy

R-Jayy

Ertle the Turtle

My baby died today....<br style="text-indent: 0in !important; ">Ertle died in my hand. He was in the tank and I was watching him cause i ha just fed him and he started convulsing so i took him out to see if he was okay... and he stopped moving. My little guy's gone now. I'm going to bury him by the lake behind my grandparent's house tomorrow... since that's where i rescued him. I've been crying ever since... I miss him. I miss watching him swim with baby... <br style="text-indent: 0in !

R-Jayy

R-Jayy

Take a Deep Breath

Today I came to the realization that I am not alone. I am not the only one who is stuck in the same frame of mine as I am, where everything seems pointless. Hopeless. & a mess. I am not the only one who, at one point only wished to have someone in their life that they could love and who would love them back, but as soon as that person came into their life, they questioned their intentions and tried the hardest they could to push them away in fear of being hurt again. I am not alone, and i am

R-Jayy

R-Jayy

Rest in Peace

Jeffrey John Martinez November 7th, 1968 - December 7th, 2004 As most of you know, I was a "one-night-stand" baby. My biological father wasn't in my life during much of my childhood, mostly because my mother is a bitch and kept me from him. Anyways, I was raised by my step father, who since I was 2 had been a part of my life. He never once treated me like I was a "stepchild" and always considered me one of his own. He was born and raised in Hollister, California

R-Jayy

R-Jayy

Losing myself

It feels like I'm losing the battle when it comes to fighting off these feelings I keep having. It gets so bad that I just want to lock myself in my room, go to sleep and never wake up. I hate feeling so alone. So down and depressed. I don't feel like myself. It gets so bad I cant stop crying. I cant hold back... I hate crying. I hate feeling. Sometimes I wish I could just be numb and not feel anything. It feels like my heart is being slowly ripped apart and I dont know why. He tells me he's fin

R-Jayy

R-Jayy

Love

Sometimes at night when I can't sleep, I'll lay awake watching Teo sleep, and I think to myself, "What did I do to deserve such an amazing boyfriend?" I mean seriously... He is so good to me. The last 3 years of my life have definitely been the most complicated, and he has been right there to support me. I find myself thinking about it a lot.... "Am I good enough for him?" "Do I even deserve him?" I know that he could do so much better, find someone who didn't have so many health issues and who

R-Jayy

R-Jayy

New Days Dawn

I've been suffering from a 9month+ writer's block which has been killing me, so I am forcing myself to write. This isn't complete, I don't even know if I am going to finish this, it was just to see if i could hopefully get the words flowing so i can hopefully write the story i have in mind. So yeah.... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   I felt sic

R-Jayy

R-Jayy

Relationships & Sex Life

So today I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone while he was on his lunch break about my friend who had stayed a few days with us. This said friend is no longer my friend due to some drama that happened over the weekend which involved him coming on to my boyfriend and straight up asking him "If it's okay with Rory, would you **** Me?" Yeah... uncalled for. Anyways. Well this is how the conversation went....   Boyfriend - Well maybe he's always talking about sex because he doesnt get it eve

R-Jayy

R-Jayy

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