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About this blog

thought's, stories, Poems, Discussions on life Issues... desire to help and mentor, encourage Healing and ability to overcome, conquer, shift gears with hope, perspectives, and support, opportunities to lead a life solidly in conviction and Healthy in a discouraging world. all topics of good Taste. Quotes, and even how to find self-discipline within an undisciplined world, acceptance of who I am, and respect of who others are, not just agreeing, learning to Understand Differences, hurt and pain, not saying I know.. but maybe I can relate to an Open mind, not oppressing, enabling, but learning others life goals and experiences, and share mine without either party monopolizing the conversation. in Short, All who have an open mind, and a willingness... the Right "ATTITUDE" to visit the blog and interact...  I find humor and comedy a beneficial attribute to all Peoples Healing and Dealing...within reason

Entries in this blog

 

Remembering Dennis 191

As I had stated to Page and a couple others on Cott... we need to be aware and pay attention to our teens and how badgering and "Just kidding" remarks bring issues and tragedies... how we just don't know how much weight and burden it can produce...!!! Sadly... Dennis 191 is that example... we knew him as the crazy Hun that would go into fits at Cott Say and do CRAZY things...Not knowing the deeper issues and horrors he had and lived... Dennis191 had a mindset, but there were reasons for those mindsets... I knew Dennis had deeper rooted problems, dealing with teens for 27 years you tend to pick up on things, especially the boys, they will blow things off to their peers but in their alone time and internally it eventually peaks... Dennis peaked on GA before he left, became spiteful and rebellious to moderators and others as well... he was crying out the best way he knew how, and the only way he knew... Dennis and I remained in contact after he left we became very close as he had begun to allow me into his world... A very cruel and difficult world I might add... being a loaner not for fear... but of the penalty of letting anyone too close in his space. But I was very persistent every day to connect and encourage edify, and even hug from 5000 miles away. Christmas last year he was all alone and I could tell as it approached it bothered him even though he would never say it... because Dennis through a series of events always had to suck things up and cope with life as it was dealt to him... this all began at a very early time in his young life, his parents blamed him for being  born, continually calling him a worthless piece of crap... only to send him away After his Grandparents died ( his one and only outlet, he Loved his Grandparents) Dennis was sent to a boys Military school at the age of thirteen so his dad wouldn't have to look at him, the military School was located at the site of an old Anthrax testing ground. it was said to be safe, but it was just a story. Dennis had contracted Anthrax while there its effects were somehow  not life-threatening to him as with others 2 youth died... he was at the firing range when the staff person monitoring them became aggressive with Dennis and Dennis shot  and killed him they ended up out of fear of being found out to kick Dennis out of the School and send him back home to "Dad". Dennis went back to School at the Public Schools where he met His soul mate Jon who was the only thing keeping him going and giving him the love he lacked for the next two years. Then Jon because of his home and school Situations of bullies and an abusive stepfather... ended up Killing himself, leaving Dennis alone and angry again until last November when he was asked by his cousin who lived in Serbia to come and  spend the Holidays with them and if he liked it he could stay which was good for him to be around people who did care, and know what he had gone through. But we remained in contact and drew closer and I could even tell when he was getting ready to have one of his fits and divert it into something more positive... he did get better and even found work for a while... I had sent him funds on many occasions to help out as they don't make much there... we had talked about my Eye surgery and well he was the very First person I was able to see with my eye after surgery and he was proud of that, but there were many things still Haunting Dennis he had 3-4 times talked about committing suicide when he would return from the store or back from venturing out... he was Teased and ridiculed for being Hungarian and had gotten to the point he would fight back when he went out. We began talking about me going to Serbia and then we would tour his Native Hungarian land and he was excited as I was... I began to make all the arrangements and set stuff in order, then my eye needed surgery again and he thought our Visit would not happen, had quit his job there and was going to go to London to work...He said he could make more money there... I asked about my trip and he said we were still on when my eye situation was finished. Then he became irritated again but wouldn't share, And I did finally find out he was having complications with getting his ID? passport renewed, but I knew it was more... had started to revert back not sleeping and Nightmares all the time, I knew I needed to get there ASAP. I remember his birthday on may 5th he turned 19... although I could not be there I was bound to make it memorable for him, I had bought my New computer and decided I would have my Old lap top refurbished( he was using an old hp D760 we called it the Dino) I had  upgraded everything on it and sent it with Cables and Speakers and Even a new LG4 phone, his screen was so cracked I just imagined him with Bandaids on his fingersThe box weighed about 21 lbs full of converters and every thing needed for him .... it was very expensive to ship and even cost  a lot to have it delivered there, but to me it was worth it to give him a grand 19th birthday, I played his Native birthday music and sent him some songs we had enjoyed for hours together... when He said it was just another day I knew no one had spent time to show him his value and worth with "No strings attached" Dennis was a good kid and would give his very last to a stranger... he often thought of others and said he was not important... So untrue I got to know the real Dennis not the one he would try and show... Yes he was a little off but anyone of us would have been Dead already if we were in his shoes....So When a kid is acting up or out maybe  we need to step closer, ask those questions we are afraid to ask help edify and encourage before it's to late....!!!  my Heart is truly broken and heavy The pain will linger at His Death, yes he couldn't take it any longer the screams the agony and terror the teasing  and the disrespect for his culture... he laid down  boldly in front of a train leaving the station to end his alredy numb and disembodied life... I lost a Brother, Friend a child still in the heart but a very very confused one... I am just in tears I could not get to him in time... but then was there ever any time, or was he just biding time... That We will never know... So those who knew Dennis 191 please take a moment in remembering him and now you know more than ever before, I am so glad to have taken the time and spent what was a bonding moment, I am glad to have spent the hundreds of hours on the net  and even video chatted with him, the eyes  don't lie and well they told his life story, and his connection with me ... the challenges we both faced... take a moment to remember him and then think is there someone in my own life I should be more aware, spend more time with, and just love them for who they are... not who we want them to be...!!! Here's to you... you Dennis are not or ever was a mistake you are Loved an always will be loved and now maybe you can truly Rest in Peace...???

Dmrman

Dmrman

 

Time approaches

It's been a while since an update, things have been very trying and exhausting yet time doesn't stand still it continues to progress even when we are not ready, it moves. Situations unexpected, to try and spoil,  dreams and Happiness. What can be done to deflect or slow down approaching disaster...??? apparently just adapting and taking the good and filter out the bad ..! It's only 11 days until My Boys wedding, they have managed to juggle and maneuver and manage their plans yet still work and prepare for college classes. I have tried my best to accomplish and finish projects for the Wedding since the news they wanted at home in our yard... while some are finished others remain to be completed. complications with My good eye after surgery slowly demanding my time, instead of allowing assistance in the completion of projects. yes, it is Frustrating and could cause one to dwell on its completion. I wanted nothing but the Best for their wedding... while dealing with the possibilities it wouldn't be finished, I had come to a major revelation...nothing new, nothing that hasn't evolved before and certainly not the tragedy my mind was generating within my head. the wedding will still happen, and just the joy of the glorious day itself will not cease because the "PERGOLA" never got finished, the garden was never completed and your eye needs more surgery. not relevant... what is relevant is that the wedding is all about Love, and new beginnings, and happiness, joy, and health for the two young one's joining together to bond in and through that love... I had to realize this is not about me... how selfish tragedy want's to steal and pillage all our happiness ... So My task is done for the moment, my focus on the Magnificent Wonder of Two people Hopelessly in Love and that is something money can't buy...!!! Hugz and love to you all, life is but for a moment...!!

Dmrman

Dmrman

 

The Importance of Life

How to Start this, I would hope we all would have particular questions, and input on how important Life is, and what we see ourselves contributing to life ...? do we question or even ask what do we care if anything about others in this world, I mean sure we all have lives to lead and our own choices to make each day...But even at that people watch to see how we act and respond to even critical circumstances we deal with daily ( or should be dealing with) lets' face it, it is a fact people are watching in the shadows and monitoring our life' We are under the Scope of people looking for examples to apply in their own life, we need each other, and I believe were created to need each other. Everyone has something they can do or share with others that help us through daily Issues, everyone has the same Capacity to give and share Valued input to make life a little easier, or just encourage others how to move forward in their struggles, without the consideration of doom and worthlessness... My Heart Says Everyone has Value and worth and should not just be ignored because they can't see how to apply it in their life. I praised our Teens for their stands on Safety in their schools, and the Magnificent way they handled themselves! A display of honor and Integrity that they created certainly embarrassing points directed at adults and with righteous means. Our teens are our Future, Important to our lives as well as future generations... I will be the first to admit they still need Adult and senior guidance, but they are Part of the Importance of life, we need to corporately come together and listen and consider and share with an open mind not dictating, but with Mutual respect and admiration. If there is one thing I have learned when we hurt and ignore teens is when we have rebellion and confusion. the same principle works for adults and Seniors and the trickle-down effect can make or destroy a person we tend to put the fire and passion for responsibility... out before it has a chance to get some good hot coals going, and in the process discouraging others to even try again because of our results, being premature in accepting that anyone else can give proper input. We need to know it's not all about "Me" the importance of life is to mentor and guide and teach and remain Teachable and when we share these Standards with each other we form a strong "UNBREAKABLE BOND" that has been the Value of Changes of life That has been the Strength and standard of life for centuries! I have found My boys ( where I work) even though they have been to hell and back can be changed ( from Trauma ) and taught to lead in a manner that is beneficial not just to them but to society, and in doing so gives them Part ownership in the very Future they will be living in...!! The importance of life is not Complacency but One of Options and opportunities... So are we helping Each other to get there...? or are we being the stumbling block Not just to the teens, but to each other...!! I am curious about your thoughts and if you agree or disagree if you see and feel the same way, what are your feelings I encourage all ( Teens, Adults and Senior's)  to get involved and work out between ourselves what the world can't seem to do... find a common ground being openminded and encouraging is the Only requirement... this is not a Gripe session... consider it E/I to all of us to learn and teach what seems to be Lacking,  and why I think we may be having a lot of the Issues ... we Can change on a small scale and take it to a bigger scale we all just need to get out of our comfort zone and realize Change is part Of the Importance of Life, But means Nothing when we fail to do our Individual Parts in it. I love dealing with teens, they are serious about their passions and compassion, the only one who is not are the ones who continually are shut down and led to believe they are not important...But if we are "HONEST" with ourselves we as adults and seniors chose the same means to not have to deal with change and opportunities and options sitting right in our faces...!!!! so Talk to Me I welcome your Input...!!!

Dmrman

Dmrman

 

Pride in Teens

As I watched teens and future Adults ... Relay to us their Concerns and firm convictions Today, I was truly blessed to see their actions and Integrity, operating in coordinated Flow of their rights it was a Fresh breath of air to see them handle their protest with High Marks of Strength, dignity, and Love for those lost in Florida shootings... keeping the flow locally, with respect to those lives lost Country Wide Thru Sensles and Unjustified out burst of killing, and bonding in unity to see that their voices are heard not by Violence but with Consistent Compassion and Love, keeping within the very boundries of Respect for those lives lost...!  (not a political movement as some tried to convey)... But out of sincerity and Value to Life period ... not Singling out any particular age, category or race, or even Gender just Sticking to the facts of murdering. I watched and saw many tears of pain and admonition for those lives, not neighbors, not relatives, not Geological, just the insanity, simple agenda of Violence and Murder..." No"...! their protest I would Equate with the peaceful Mark that Martin Luther King Layed before Us .. their passion, not the Hate... but the resolution to the Hate focused On the cure, not the band-aid...!!! Not showing Violence for Violence but resolution and options A pure undefiled Protest to Get our Attention to the realities of the issue,  Taking charge of what Adults should have addressed but have shuffled  back and forth on a table offering No solidarity in its end, I applaud their Valor and compassion and means of Orchestration and delivery peacefully!!! The common sense format and their delivery prove we have a new generation of teens, that if they stay true to that Format can and will Change not just the Country but Become Viral and Affect the whole World of all the insanity and deranged thinking. Their right's...? One of being handed what we are leaving them and changing what we did not, or could not change I am proud of each and every one of them, I did not hear of One, yes I say, One violent Action occurring from the protest...!!! Thank's Teens I salute you and your Ability To act Far better than most Adults would. And thanks for stepping up to the plate to Bring forward Awareness and Importance of this movement To the Value and Validity of human lives and making your stand for Change...!!!!                            DMRman... 3/14/ 2018                        

Dmrman

Dmrman

 

Children Not always Seen,

How much do we know about our Youth...? do we tend to underestimate their abilities, their abilities to acquire information or to find out those things we want to hide you know the secrets we tend to try and keep away from their youthful ears. I was thinking about my childhood and remember how we could find out any information my parents would hide or thought they were hiding from us. I remember being taught by my parents without their even knowing. As a child, it was relatively easy to forgive but as we grew it became a harder task to achieve..., The era is one where the Adults had all these peculiar sayings like: "CHILDREN ARE TO BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD" or "RESPECT YOUR ELDERS" All the old traditional and redundant sayings more or less teaching us to keep our opinions to ourselves they didn't matter! Adult conversations becoming a sign, and the Words "you kids go find something to do!!" "Go outside and play..."  blah, blah, blah, Blah...! we knew what it meant ... The Adults were planning to Mumble and Gossip, and Talebearing about other relatives... share their stories about this one and that we knew and were curious as to why it was so important for them to do? Talking about each different one Until they hit their mark with talking about Grandma Helen and Her Lady "Friend" while we have never seen the harm they were consistently focused on... we knew by the tone of their voice they were not happy about it, and only found out when I reached a certain age that they were lovers...! never understood why and how it mattered and well who was it Bothering I mean really...? I never saw them kiss in front of us and at that time I believed they waited to share their love and passion when no one else was around... so what's the Big problem here ...??? All the embellished and spiteful remarks made towards two loving, caring and wonderful people made me upset, and know even at that age what they were doing talking about My Grandma and her friend ...was Totally wrong... !!! Steadily Accusing them of living in sin, and they weren't even around to defend themselves...! but being a child always reminded when I asked: "I would never understand, but it was just wrong!" I never was happy with the answers given, and I always felt they were too evasive like they were deliberately not giving me all the information, and It just made me trust them less! they were more concerned about how we found out instead of answering our questions! through their ignorance, it became important for us to make a pact between each other as siblings not to share anything  including our secrets with them, we were so afraid of being under their Microscope and being analyzed by their uncertain abilities to make a beneficial analogy, we as children withdrew our trust  from the Adult world! situations never shared, withheld and closeted even from siblings as they matured into Adults, the inability to freely be who I am and not who I was formed to be, feelings never told and saddened failed relationships by me because I wasn't free to love who I loved... I know I am not alone in my grief and I still wonder at times how far we have really evolved, or are we still stagnant in our beliefs...? In today's world while I see more forgiveness and acceptance of gay love...yet in some ways from a lot of people, it still seems forced!!! unnatural, every now and then I see real acts to accept people for their love, not gender. still hearing the Bitterness of hate but is more done the tone of voice or inactions, few remarks like we a Lepers or something? and well some who are cringing at us and are not taking care of their own business... getting drunk and beating kids, not paying their bills, judging while not self-evaluating their own shortcomings...! I love dealing with my boys they are carefree and content with being Gay and in love, It may be Me...?  but it just drives me nuts and hurts to still hear people  make  remarks to or about them... I have experienced so much hate in my life I  have had enough for my life and theirs...Am I overreacting...? maybe...? I am holding feelings from the past and applying them to today... I want to see them have the respect love and compassion never given to my generation, to be able to kiss and hold hands and all the things others in love are given without consideration of gender but the mere fact of love... I this week had been given a lesson which I value A mindset set of having Drilled into my head that I was accepting My gay life as a "choice" and not by" birth"... almost a brainwashing situation to try and water down my own love for men and force me to accept that I was choosing to be gay, when in Fact I realize Just How Passionately deep in the very core of my being I am gay and proud of it... which there was a period in my life that very statement would or could have cost me my very Life or a brutal beating...while I have presently seen some situations  that offer hope  I have also noticed some of the strongholds still create complex situtations , could this be... because children are still not seen,  or are we as adults just not seeing them...??? Are we replacing the core position of where we came and allowing ourselves to replace the ones that we had at one-time despised and resented ... is it just a vicious circle to run it's course over and over or... or have we somehow, someway, been able to slow down the circle, create a weakness, a breach that one day will burst wide open showing the fruits of our labor... a generation of youth that can now be seen, and seen loving FREELY without reserve, and Mockery...?                         DMRman 3/10/2018

Dmrman

Dmrman

 

I walked into a Dream...!

Today... was awesome... I walked into a Dream, not just any dream though oh No this dream has addressed my heart for years, and for so many years I was afraid I would never see the reality of it... Again I feel privileged...!!! It was a Beautiful outside and well I had gone to a Doctors Appointment as I left I decided to take a walk Downtown.                                                                                                                                                                 As I approached the Park in the center of the city, I was just enjoying the view and the beauty of the Day, walking the sidewalk Two young boys in front of me I want to say they were both around the age of 12 or 13 years old and then I noticed they were holding Hands truly lost in the midst of each other, they were about 100 or so feet in front of me, and without any cares, concerns or warnings stop in Public right there turned and kissed... My heart flip-flopped It was stunning, I felt so proud to witness this moment between them, and not worried about who was watching kept a loving and passionate kiss, until I heard a voice hollering to them... resounding a couple of times before, finally before they stopped and looked. There were Two people Waving their arms motioning the boys in their direction...As I looked on they both responded a hearty "OKAYYYY..." and one of them Hailed "Mom" where we going"! The parts that touched me were the Fact that these to young boys could and did feel comfortable enough to hold hands and Stop boldly in Public and kiss...( My whole body Trembled  with excitement) and the second being the Boy obviously had parents who Accepting of not just their son's lifestyle choice but his friend also... This a moment In history for me one thing I needed to see was this complete scene unfold...!!! My life a battle without being allowed the expressions these two young boys were sharing with me...Monumental moments I never Dreamed of!!! to be able to do what they were doing was never heard of when I was young, and our parents would never have permitted what I was witnessing to From his parents...!!! I know us as a community are Not there yet, and I am sure what I was privy to is just a beginning to acceptance but it did My heart good and I wanted to share this special moment with you, share our collective hopes and dreams for our own acceptance in a wild and crazy world but today I lived a dream...!!!











































































 

Dmrman

Dmrman

 

Grab life by the horns

After my last post, and all the wonderful Interaction I wanted to take this a little further if I may...? all the response was well exciting and exhilarating...! as I had read the response it was as effective as I hoped it would be, each one sharing their hopes and dreams and well I feel most were thinking of what they would like also. This was more important I think then my own issue, yes  your response opened up a whole area of envy and dreams I was so proud to be a part of stimulating your own thoughts into action, desires to Travel more or wishing... and while not knowing everybody's situation just the fact of expressing and opening up your wishes and plans, hopes of someday moving beyond the boundaries of your homes, state or country I could feel your passion... a tempting desire. So my question is have you thought to plan and orchestrate the dreams you shared to a form of reality, to act on your own need and desire...! no, maybe you cant go as I intend to but based on our conversation, and well even all the travesty we see and hear of in the news, why wait...? you have told me to take advantage of my situation, and I encourage you to pursue yours. Why, how, when is in your hands I am suggesting you plan and do it. Whether it's going and connect with family members in another state, or just doing something you want to do for yourself, we all have needs we should not put off Until it's too late, we are not guaranteed how long we have and we all know that we could go at any moment. So I say to You Go refresh, get some quality you time so that you can continue forward with a fresh outlook, which is good for all. My sister spends a couple of time throughout the year for a long weekend away to a lodge in the country that is  Unexplainably Gorgeous, and soothing. Every time she goes and comes back she like a new person ... !!! So my challenge for your Family, for yourself Take some time for you... regroup and refresh in a different setting and different environment. I am going and My plans should allow me a lot of options to be able to do, and yet still be valuable to the boys where I work, My fellow employees to all of you, yet refreshing my soul and achieving spiritual rejuvenation  to be better equipped to help and mentor, teach and learn and bring back examples of triumph over stagnation and be redeemed more valuable to all whom I care about in life...!!! you all have the same possibilities, maybe not be the same magnitude but we need even fragmented sessions of refreshing, away, out... and reflecting then we can remain valuable to our loved one's...!  so what can you do...? what's available to you...? create a pattern now don't wait till you collapse,  and become sick . or blind ... whatever our future doesn't reveal... start somewhere...and don't wait till it's too late... you have given me hope to fulfill my goals and dreams, and I offer the same to you with the same loving conditions and intent, because you cared, and shared  I wish the Very best for you, a better life of tranquility, or certainty, of possibilities... Thank you all for Giving me the truth, and wisdom, hope and encouragement... and last thank you for not judging my motives to travel see and share, that's called respect and in giving respect, it freely returns to every one of you as you have freely given it...!!!!   THINK ABOUT IT..!!!!                      

Dmrman

Dmrman

 

Fresh Starts, New insight

last week full of anticipation...Wondering if I was capable to return to work, the anticipation or thrill building, hopes... hopes that the Doctor would release me to return to... I am feeling like I"m in a bittersweet spot.  A bit confused, what do I do...?? I liked the time I had off after my eye surgery. I tried and tested the waters daily, how the eye would respond to fatigue, light, focus on the darkness where prior to surgery, I dealt with things in a whole different matter!! every one of us has been in these situations. Change ... is great and expresses growth, learning, hope all the things that make a better person out of you, make better decisions, see things in a different light right...? No, Not always, and well my thoughts about change have not changed... sometimes we need to just walk things out and see where it takes us! So when I went to the Doctors I really wanted to return to work, I missed the boys and the environment I have worked in for 13-14 years... I heard the words I thought I was welcoming! but when they hit my ears fears set in... ever done that...? want something and when you do get it not so sure you want it...? And now I am faced to make some life-changing decisions...Don't get me wrong I love the boys they have been my life, I care what happens still yet knowing they are in good hands, and well taken care of my vision is changing. I can see where I couldn't before, I loved fixing things being independent, watching TV appreciating what I had lost. My desires calling me to do some Travel to Europe and surrounding areas ... seeing what I could only envision...A second chance a new beginning. Then I ask myself am I being selfish, seriously I am considering retiring, Traveling and enjoying what the remainder of my life may be. I will be 62 this June I am planning a trip to Hungary and Serbia for starters to see a friend from GA search the beautiful countryside and Mountains. At the same time, I talked to my Boss about a leave of Absence to see where it leads me,  keeping a foot in the door in case retirement doesn't suit me. I guess I am sharing this for the Value of your input ... am I wrong? should I stay where I am loved and have been comfortable ...? or venture out and explore...? If you were me what would you consider, I have approached my boss of slowing down the role I play at Interact, possibly working parttime...questions, more and more ...! what would you do how would you react...? I know Retirement is a hard fact to swallow but a reality... I feel like it's a damned if I do damned if I don't situation seriously what would you do...???

Dmrman

Dmrman

 

thank you my friends

Well, this is truly a learning curve and can be challenging, for the" Blog Challenged", I must apologize for those looking for the previous blog "A happy ending to a tragedy" seems I made two mistakes and wish to redeem myself,  ( as best I can) the Moderators were kind enough to share the whole issue with me, and well it just proves to me they are doing their jobs. to those wishing to read the article, I so appreciate your loyalty in following...! this being my first blog site and the occurred mistakes let me know I have much to learn,  I hope this will not discourage anyone from visiting the site as I endeavor to move forward. A Temporary setback which has given me the passion and willpower to move ahead and overcome this failure past. I hope you all can forgive and will encourage any and all newbies to move forward not retreat, I am a determined person and will admit my mistakes openly. Those of you who have been associated with me for a while know I have just recently overcome 5 years of total blindness, And have been given a gift of eyesight in my right eye, I have shared a big difference  from visualizing experiences to being able to watch TV, read for Myself with passion ( Not a computer-generated voice reading for me)  the material I read now is far more passionate to me , and I retain and understand issues a lot better. So a "BLOG" is a whole new life for me, and I do want to remain within the boundaries set forth. so with that said I ask your Grace and forgiveness... so walk with me and I with you and we both may learn a lot from each other...!!! thank you... Bob/DMRman 

Dmrman

Dmrman

 

Interaction welcome

DMRmans Interactions welcomes you:  the first blog a time to intertwine and get to know each other, too share core values and communicate avenues of acceptance and help, open discussion, stories poems and thought from my personal experiences, with the only goal being to share and Help, love and console teach and build off many different genres. so please comment share exercise those rights given on this site. share with each other Value and worth, there is no one person more valuable than a team player. Our kids are watching us for the example... we can be a good one or a bad, no in-betweens. thank you for follows and support the are far better than Gold...!!! Dee-Day Story by DMRman.txt

Dmrman

Dmrman

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