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RIP - Comicality
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About this blog

Random ramblings from the Amadán Dubh

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Whispers

I mentioned in a comment recently, the insidious voices that whisper words of doubt in your own mind. Voices, dealing my entire life with depression,  I know all too well.  It brought this story to mind:  Always, They Whisper.  The author also has a spotlight article on the story that is quite insightful, but that should be read after you read the short story.
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

1
Wedding

Wedding planning

Wedding is only about 8-weeks away and we're still trying to get some things nailed down. I keep having to remind SP that it's close than he thinks it is.  The invitations need to go out and we don't even have a full guest list typed up yet!  Not to mention minor things like FLORAL.  <sigh> Just had to rant a bit this morning.  I know everything will come together in the end the way it was meant to and am trying not to stress over it, but I'll feel better once all the details are nail
Fae Briona

Fae Briona in Wedding

2

Waiting

Drove up to see my Aunt this morning before she passes.  Mom and I went over once I got into town.  There was enough of an awareness that when mom said we were there, her breathing rate changed.  Almost like she was struggling to the surface.  I told her to relax -- that she didn't need to respond to us, and sat holding her hand. Told her I loved her. Weren't there too long, but by the time we left her breathing had settled back into a calm and regular (if shallow) pace.  Her blood pressure (top
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

3

Valves

What I've described to the Dr. in the past as being, "short, sharp, heartbeats" were being very and unusually persistent last night when I was trying to fall asleep. Ended up going to the ER -- not out of concern (they've already said they didn't see anything concerning about my heart function) but in the hopes that if they were going to persist that I could relax enough they would happen there where I would be monitored.  It's very difficult to relax in an ER room, even when that's your goal. 
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

1

Under [not enough] Pressure

Blood pressure was low yesterday morning so just took a 1/2 a pill.  Dropped to a point I nearly passed out when standing up at one point.  Only got up to 105/72 by 5pm last night (pulse of 75). It's just 85/62 this morning with a pulse of 109 (pulse would be that high because the bp is so low).  No idea what's up but it could stop and I'd be happy.  Need to eat something for breakfast then try to lay down and stay down for the morning.
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

4

Tòiseachadh

SP and I have had several conversations:  about our pasts, our fears, our insecurities, our hopes for what this could be. Had a few small dates so far, and planning on something larger for New Years.  I'm cautiously optimistic and I think he is too. We seem to be on the same page with things - where we are now, what we want going forward. To possibilities, hope, and the future.  🍾
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

2

The New Plague

Last Tuesday I woke up w. an ear ache from sinus congestion and  a slightly elevated temp; went into Urgent Care on Wed and -- based on my history of sinus infections and a lack of more serious symptoms -- got some antibiotics. Those haven't worked.  My normal body temp is at the low end of normal (low to mid 97's; occasionally high 96's. Hit hit 99.8F yesterday. Shortness of breath is getting worse, lethargy has been present the last few days, and this morning the "digestive upset" portion
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

3

Tha mi sgith

Had my second counseling session yesterday. Honestly not sure how effective they are. Things are, ever so very slowly, getting better. Getting easier to think of the good times and the memories without hyperventilating or collapsing into a pile of tears. Doesn't look that professional when it happens at work.    Biggest hurdles for me are still the guilt of not having told him that I loved him -- even though I know he knew I did, and I know he felt the same way about me; and letting
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

1

Tha e air a dhèanamh

It is done.  They were able to place my Boy's headstone yesterday.  C's sis sent me an email at almost midnight last night that I didn't see until lunch today. It looks good. It feels....   relief?   I had really wanted / needed it to be installed before his birthday on Monday, and was afraid they weren't going to be able to do it because of the weather. His sis was wanting it done before his birthday as well. If the state doesn't wash away, I'll go down on Monday for his birthday, and be a
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

11

Recent Events

Blood pressure has continued to swing from way too high to way too low -- and yesterday it did both in one day.  I know part of the "high" was taking my evening medication later than I normally do by almost two hours + very high level of pain. A multi-state property management agency just bought the house across the street and down one. They want to turn it into a "short-term rental" [which the city defines as anything less than 30-days] full time. To do that you have to apply for a permit
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

1

Random thoughts

Attended the memorial for the wife of a faculty member today.  They had planned on retiring this year (for the second time), take a position back with his Alma Mater that involved less work (his idea of retirement), and enjoying their time together.  She was a sweet, kind, lovely woman -- but don't mistake that for weak. Not sure exactly how long they've been married, but longer than I've been alive. Between that and the weather changes making me ache, I've been mostly awake since 3am.
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

4

Puppy Love

SP and I moved the dogs over yesterday evening -- it was a long long night. We're sure they'll adjust at some point, but it could be awhile before that happens. Wish us luck.
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

3
Home

Property

SP and I are now the owners of 5-acres of land just outside of town.  Hopefully, we'll be able to get it cleared, get utilities hooked up, and get the house built -- at some point before we retire in 12-ish years.  We're probably insane, but worst case scenario is that we have property that will slowly appreciate.
Fae Briona

Fae Briona in Home

1

Power and Heat

A "transmission arm" broke early this afternoon in the city where my brother and parents live, leaving about 1/5 of the town without power (just under 10.4 thousand). Naturally, my charming brother didn't bother to text me until FOUR HOURS LATER to say that he still had power and mom & dad were with him.  I hadn't had the TV on all day and hadn't heard anything about it. Aunt was without power too. Heat index there today was 108° F at 3pm.  Can't find anything that gives trivial little
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

0

Poetry and Prose

I had problems falling asleep last night and this popped into my head unbidden and fully formed. Then insisted I write it down before it would let me rest (you can picture whatever Muse is to blame standing behind me, his sharpened quill-pen ✒️ at my throat) : My beautiful rose made of shattered glass, glittering in the sunlight and morning dew. Beautiful from afar, but made of sharp points and rough edges which cut & scar when you try to hold it too close, hold it
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

4

Pincushion and Memories

Went to the Allergist this morning for the first time, and had the full 61-stick test.  Results of what it says I am -- and am not -- allergic too don't match my life experience. Things it says I'm barely allergic too are things that are guaranteed to make me sick when they get high.  We'll take the new stuff, see how it goes, and go back in about a month. Hate it when a song sneaks up on you and clubs you over the head with emotion.  Had Pandora playing, and Gin Wigmore's, "I Will Love You
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

1

Patience

My Boy's headstone is - finally - ready; HOWEVER -- they are going to have to wait "until the ground is a bit drier" before they can install it. I just want him to have it before his birthday on the 27th.  At least they didn't screw it up a third time. It does help some to know that it's ready.  Extremely annoyed at my best friend who, not intending to be a bitch she says, used the word "antzy" to describe my feelings on it's continuing delay.  More storms moving in overnight into tomo
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

9

Painting

Painted more of the loft today. It's been cathartic - and also somewhat painful.  The loft ceiling slopes from 8' at the front of the room, overlooking the street, to just 27" on the back wall.  And the stuff that was in the loft is in a big pile in the center of the room, covered with a tarp. So...  not much room to work, and even though I can paint it sitting down and scooting back and forth the hips still don't like it. Will need a second coat, but that will have to go on tomorrow.
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

0

Orientation Week and Health

The very very last of our new Teaching Assistants gave me her paperwork today. Reminded her that she never wants to be the very very last person.  Her excuse is that she's a commuter (who only lives an hour away). I had people from out of state turn in their stuff before they even moved; even the international students who didn't have stuff to give me until they got here this week had turned their things in already. Blood pressure is continuing to climb after having gone wacky the first wee
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

0

Old "Friends"

I introduced my best friend in high school to my best friend from college and they got married and had 5 kids -- all of whom still call me "Uncle". Then his brains turned to mush,  he married the Whore of Babylon, had other kids and forgot about his first family.  I've not spoke with him in ages. Last time we talked he apologized for only calling when he needed money -- them promptly asked for money. The oldest boy is angry, but still wants his dads love. He's given L second chance after se
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

8

Not long ago. Not far away.

Today, January 27th 2020, marks the 75th Anniversary of the Liberation of Auschwitz; 1.1 million died there - Jewish, gay, Roma, and others. https://dynaimage.cdn.cnn.com/cnn/q_auto,w_634,c_fill,g_auto,h_357,ar_16:9/http%3A%2F%2Fcdn.cnn.com%2Fcnnnext%2Fdam%2Fassets%2F190614214813-auschwitz-exhibition-6-shoes.jpg  
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

3

New Beginnings

SP and I got married yesterday -- the 1-yr anniversary of our first date.  We'll need to take off Monday morning to return the license to the court clerk.
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

14

New beginnings

SP and I bought promise / engagement rings today. His is 10mm wide - 6mm black band in the center, with two small silver bands on the outside, spaced slightly off the main ring; mine is a 6mm black band.  It was good.   We did not go to the cemetery today like I had originally thought I would. The last two years I had very strong "intuition" on what day and time I should be there. This year... nothing. That really upset me yesterday; then felt bad about being upset about it when SP and
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

0

Mo bhilis, Mo gradh

This is copied from a status update.  Wasn't thinking clearly when I posted it, so put it there instead of here in the blog:   My heart is broken this weekend.  The man I had been dating off and on who lives about an hour away died last month -- and I just found out about it this Friday night; almost a month later. He works in retail and this is always a crazy time so not hearing from him for a bit wasn't unusual, but that bit got longer... then longer.  When I sent him another txt on
Fae Briona

Fae Briona

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