Wow, its been awhile. Whats sad is that I've actually had stuff to write about but no time to do it. I suppose I should mention that I am no longer in financial ruin, for those of you who remember my last post, and thanks to those who tried to help. I did get my money back and now I have a fraud alert on my credit report. It took me far to long to find out how to do that but it looks like I'm finally on the right track.

So there has been a lot going on, especially since my best friend Danielle got home from school for the holidays because we just can't seem to keep ourselves out of trouble. We've spent the past couple days eating ourselves silly, since Danielle will soon have to go back to eating college fare, and trying to figure out my boy situation. We're terribly confused.

Tell me if I'm wrong, but when there are two friends and one of the friends puts his hand under the other's shirt that means that the line between friends and more than friends has been crossed...right? 'Cause I have this friend and there has been some mild groping action going on. I mean, one night we're curled up together watching a movie and he has his hands in all these places and I keep waiting and waiting for him to say something or kiss me or whatever, but I get nothing! Why haven't I brought it up, you may ask? Because I've been confused before and when it was brought up he had an explanation for everything (though there was no groping before) and how none of it meant we were anything but friends and that it would always be that way because he is a couple years younger than me and wasn't comfortable with the age difference. I said I was fine with that and I wouldn't think otherwise unless it was brought up again. He's also always talking about me and J getting together, even after I told him it would probably never happen. So um, why is his hand under my shirt? I do want to ask him about it, but I know he'll just explain it away again unless I ask him while he's in the act so I'm stuck waiting for the right time.

The worst part is that I think he's doing it because he knows I would be interested in being more than friend. I also turn 21 tomorrow (or today by now) and he wants me to buy alcohol for him and his friends. He came right out and asked me if I would after having told me he would never ask me to do such a thing. I don't think I've ever been so pissed at him. Still, I hate to think that of him and if you had asked me a month ago if I thought him capable of using me like that, I would have said no. We were best friends, told each other everything but the evidence is stacking up and the timing is just too perfect. I already told him that I wouldn't be his supplier so I guess I'll know if that was it if the groping stops.

Meanwhile, I have J laying a serious guilt trip on me before christmas about not being able to spend time with him because I have work or class or have to study. He's saying things like, "one of these days we need to have a talk". As Danielle says, "he's not making out with you so what the hell is there to talk about?". He knows where I stand so I don't know what there is to talk about either. Then he goes away for a week and I don't hear from him until he's been back for another whole week! What happened to all the time he wanted us to spend together? Does that only apply when *he* doesn't have better things to do? I think I'll have to ask him next time he wants me to skip work to go see a movie with him.

I know I probably sound like a total bitch, but I think I give up on both of them. How in the hell did two satisfying friendships, one in particular with potential to be more, get turned into complete garbage? I just don't even know whats going on and I'm really tired of thinking about it. I'm still going to talk to Groping Boy as soon as I get a chance, but I've just had it with these games that I really don't have time for. I'm so confused!

So, no boys on my birthday! Just me, Danielle, and a ridiculous amount of chocolate. Who could ask for more?