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Mom's Condition Update--Dad too now... :(


WVSailor

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:( Well, my life just keeps getting more interesting! The past 3 days have been, to use a cliche, a living hell. I've watched my Dad deteriorate to the point that I believe he's now suffered a nervous breakdown. Friday was the ultimate cry for help from my Dad. We were standing in the kitchen AFTER visiting my Mom at the hospital. I was clipping cupons and we were chatting, of course about Mom, the bills, and the fact that Medicare IS going to pay, and so will their AARP coverage.... Don't know what made my Dad snap, but I sat the scissors down on the counter, walked to the fridge to grab a soda, turned back around, and Dad had the scissors in his hand, pointed to his gut. He looked at me dead in the eye and said, "I ought to just do myself in."

 

:angry::blink::huh: :wacko:

 

Yup, I lost it. Well, not to bad. I did flip out a little bit and spoke to him like he was an eight year old. Quite loudly too. "Put the scissors down NOW and go sit in your chair!!!" I don't know if it was my reaction that scared him, or the fact that he realized what he had done. He hung his head, and went to the den and sat in his chair. Panic started to set in when I picked up the phone and he wanted to know who I was calling. I called his doctor. He protested and tried to get me not to do it. I did anyway. It was a cry for help as far as I (and his doctor) was concerned. I don't recommend the course of action I took to anyone else, but the long and the short of it is after speaking with his doctor, we increased his dose of antidepressants immediately to the maximum dose (lexapro) and I finally got Dad to agree to let me schedule him an appointment with his doctor on Monday. Ohhh... it gets better. After agreeing to it. I called the office manager of the practice, which happens to be a friend of my family, told her the situation and she said she'd make the appointment and for me just to bring him in Monday morning, but stay with him. I WAS (I'll get to that in a minute). It was agreed between the office manager, the doctor, and myself that I didn't need to take him in to the emergency room after they spoke with him. Dad tried to tell the office manager that he didn't do it. Ok, I went off again, "LIKE HELL!! GIVE ME THE DAMN PHONE DAD!" I took the phone, and told Nancy the scoop again. Well, turns out that Dad called Nancy back the next morning and told her that he didn't need the appointment, he was just "JOKING"!?!?!?!?!? :wacko: AND SHE BELIEVED HIM!!!! But I'll have to address that issue with her later....

 

Since Friday, Dad has progressively gotten worse. He was stumbling, tripping over his own feet, couldn't stand up straight (it looked like he was drunk), making up any excuse that he could to get me to take him back to see mom after we had left. (We've been told by the skilled nursing people to limit out time because Mom doens't work when we're there) Saturday was that Mom had an accident (messed the bed) and that they nursing assistants had changed the bed but didn't clean Mom up. I told him that I would call Teresa (Charge nurse for SNU) and I'd address it with her then. He protested saying not to do that, he didn't want to cause trouble, he just wanted to go back and clean her up. "No Daddy, if it happened, it needs to be addressed." I called Teresa. 1) She didn't have an accident; and 2) Teresa told me that if it did happen they would clean her up AND THEN CHANGE THE BED. Hmmmm...... I didn't think so, especially since I was there the entire time and the only time I left was to go smoke a ciggie and to go potty myself. Plus, Mom has been either using a potty chair bedside or actually going to the bathroom, with assistance to transfer from either a wheelchair or her bed.

 

Sunday.... HELL DAY. Dad and I visited Mom that morning and stayed around until right after lunch. She didn't have any PT/OT scheduled for that day but Mom sent Dad and I home. She could tell that Daddy wasn't doing to well and I'm worn out. Prior to us leaving, I pointed out to Daddy that they had taken Mom off of her Oxygen. Well, he started questioning it. So I asked Teresa. She checked the chart and it's ordered PRN (as needed) for shortness of breath. I told Dad, but he's spazzing so Mom, to just calm Daddy down, puts on the cannula. Eventually I got him out of there. We got home, and we weren't there for 15 minutes when he started in again. "I have to go back son, I've probably killed her by making her put that oxygen back on." I tried to explain to my Dad that (as far as I know) you can't oversaturate her oxygen (especially when it's just on 1/2 liter per minute. He wasn't convinced. "Ok Daddy, let's call her nurse and let her know." He wouldn't hear it. He wanted to leave and head back to the hospital. Now our "visitation hours" have been agreed upon. Dad still wanted to go back and we couldn't. I'm convinced that she's getting the best of care, and she is. She is improving daily. Dad's convinced for whatever reason, he refuses to discuss it with anyone, that she isn't improving, and that the insurance isn't going to pay.... I finally got him to calm down, and go lay on his bed. He got up, told me he was ready to go to the grocery store. He started wavering, stumbiling and his eyes rolled back in his head. He passed out. I checked pulse, breathing, etc. They were ok, pulse was high, breathing labored, but it was still happening. I picked up the phone to call 911. Dad came to, asking what I was doing. I told him and he said not to do that, he was fine. "Daddy, you passed out on me, I'm calling." "No son, please don't" "Ok Dad, I'll call Nancy." Got her on the phone, and I was talking to her, he passed out again, came to a little, and started clutching his chest with his right hand and pulling he left arm in like it hurt. I told Nancy, "Gotta Go!" hung up and dialed 911 anyway. Well, Dad was admitted to the hospital. <sigh> The blood tests came back ok, the ekg was ok, the chest xray was ok. He had a stress test this morning. It was ok. Then he had a psych consult. It wasn't ok. Still not decided if it was anxiety, nervous breakdown or what. But he's agreed to outpatient group therapy.... then decided against it..... then agreed once he was told it was either that or he'd go inpatient to the behavioural health wing at the hospital.

 

He's still confused, or was at least when I was made to leave by my Mom's niece (I was broke down crying at that point). Conspiracy theory's are spouting out of this mouth. Everyone is out to get him. They need his bed since they are so busy, so he tries to get to his clothes to get dressed, taking off his ekg leads, blood pressure monitor, etc. The person from housekeeping pushes their cart by, he says they are coming to clean the room so he needs to get dressed to leave.... and on and on and on...The admitting doc wants him there again at least tonight since he hasn't been sleeping and is exhausted. Now he's concerned about Dad's confusion. A psych nurse observed all this.

 

I haven't slept since Thursday Night/Friday Morning, hadn't eaten (until about 30 minutes ago) since Saturday. I'm exhausted. I'm emotionally wrung out. Mom is now worried about Dad. I have to take care of her now, and everything else. I officially have Medical AND Unlimited Power of Attorney for both. I have no siblings to help me. I have a hell of a support network with my biological family and Mom's niece (Lynn) is an absolute gem. She went with me today to tell Mom that Dad was in the hospital. That was sooo much fun! NOT!!!!

 

So, it just may be me in "psych ward" as Dad likes to call it before this is all over. My blood pressure is all ready up. I don't have insurance to go see a doctor and I can't even afford to get a rx for bp meds.... or an anti-depressant for myself.... if I even had TIME to do that. I'll make it though. I have to. Nobody else will do it. If I don't post for a while, please understand that I'm probably busy. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. 0:)

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:hug: Oh Sailor

 

Just as your mum seems to be better, your dad takes a turn for the worst. It just seems so unfair!

 

At least you have the support of your biological family and Lynn. Let them help you, even if it's just for someone to listen as you vent.

 

Sailor, try to look after yourself.

 

I promise that I will keep you, your Dad and your Mum in my prayers.

 

Bev

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:hug: Oh Sailor

 

Just as your mum seems to be better, your dad takes a turn for the worst. It just seems so unfair!

 

At least you have the support of your biological family and Lynn. Let them help you, even if it's just for someone to listen as you vent.

 

Sailor, try to look after yourself.

 

I promise that I will keep you, your Dad and your Mum in my prayers.

 

Bev

 

Thanks Bev. I really appreciate it. <SIGH> For some reason, now I can't sleep..... :angry:

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Jim, I'm really glad to hear that your Dad is getting help. It's good that your biological family is supporting you ... you've really got your hands full.

 

I don't mean to pry, and this is just a suggestion from someone (me) who's been going through a stressful situation this year -- it really helps to have a shoulder to lean on. When you're worn out physically and mentally, it's easy to start getting panicky and anxious, and it can be difficult to keep on keeping on. So I'm wondering if you had considered seeing a counselor, to give you a safe place to vent and also get ideas for taking care of yourself during all of this. I don't mean a psychiatrist or "the psych ward" :) , I'm thinking of a social worker or some other counseling professional. And/or maybe finding a "caregivers'" support group. There's nothing like people who understand because they've been there.

 

Kitty :)

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Jim, I'm really glad to hear that your Dad is getting help. It's good that your biological family is supporting you ... you've really got your hands full.

 

I don't mean to pry, and this is just a suggestion from someone (me) who's been going through a stressful situation this year -- it really helps to have a shoulder to lean on. When you're worn out physically and mentally, it's easy to start getting panicky and anxious, and it can be difficult to keep on keeping on. So I'm wondering if you had considered seeing a counselor, to give you a safe place to vent and also get ideas for taking care of yourself during all of this. I don't mean a psychiatrist or "the psych ward" :) , I'm thinking of a social worker or some other counseling professional. And/or maybe finding a "caregivers'" support group. There's nothing like people who understand because they've been there.

 

Kitty :)

 

Hey Kitty!

I've been seeking a counselor for someone to "vent" to. Never thought of a "caregivers" support group. I'll have to check that out. Thanks for the suggestion(s)!!

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