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Josh Can Be A Pain Sometimes

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Coming Undone

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Hi Everyone :)

 

It been a while again since I've had a chance to post. Let me update you on what's been going on.

 

Back to school has taken up some of my time. Well that and work. :( But the big thing has been Josh.

 

As I have said before, he is doing the home school thing to get him back to where he should be so we can enroll him in regular school next year. I've been charged with overseeing his progress.

 

He's been slacking. :angry: I wanted to keep Joe out of this for now (although I know that the tutors must have said something to him) so I managed to come up with a solution.

 

No school work, No Robert. :thumbdown:

 

I admit it was drastic, it was mean, it almost drove him out the door. (I found a packed bag. :o ) But it got his attention. It forced a dialog, or should I say a rational dialog. I drove home the point that if he wanted to see more of Robert, he had to keep up with his school work. If we can get him into school next year he will be going to the same school, and probably be in the same year as Robert. This way he would get to see more of him. Also I pointed out that with the trip coming up this spring, there is no way that Joe is going to even consider taking Robert if he wasn't all caught up.

 

If you don't think that lit a fire under his ass. He's been working like crazy. I still have to keep a close eye on him ( I've also been helping as much as I can. 0:) ) and I have let him get together with Robert, but only when I know he's worked hard.

 

Gee, maybe there something to this "tough love" stuff. :blink:

 

The major problem is I'm turning into my father. Well maybe not that bad. (If I turn into a homophobic bastard, someone please shoot me :ranger: )

 

So what do you think? Did I handle it ok? I really want the feedback. I'm in uncharted territory here. :wacko:

 

All of this has kept me pretty busy. It's caused some stress between Killer and me. Don't worry, we're still kewl! I promise to keep you updated when I can.

 

Till Later!

 

I'm Coming

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Glad you're back. :D

As far as Josh goes I look at it this way. You got the results you wanted, you're still friends and everybody is happy. You can't do better than that! :great:

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Ok I have a mixed reply here.

 

Did you haddle it correctly, yet, though as a father.

 

To me brother's shouldn't be parenting their siblings... 'watch Super Nany for further info on that.' :lmao:

 

Other wise I think you did it the write way. You give him the pro's and con's of what he needed to consider before it blew up in his face.

 

It's not easy though and I'm uncertain if I like the idea of you being the one to do the tough love bit. Yet I stress again you did it the right way.

 

:2thumbs:

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Heya Eric....You did good! :2thumbs:

 

I homeschooled my son for a year and a bit.

 

Before we started, we sat down and talked about it. Dan was going through a painful emotional stage of his life at that time where we took each day as it came. He was 13/14 at the time. At the end of each week, we sat down and saw the progress we made and it kept spurring him on. B)

 

This is what I did,

 

1) I got a whole lot of support for me.

2) I gave Dan lot's of decisions that he could make - it empowered him to keep going. He was going through a time when he felt totally powerless over every area of his life.

3) The first thing we did everymorning was go for a long walk, rain or shine. It was sort of drawing a line in the sand between home and school. Then, when we got home, we did something like played a card game or scrabble to get his 'brain' into gear for the day ahead.

4) We made a timetable together - focusing on basics like Maths and English. It's easy to catch up with all the other subjects if you get them down first.

5) Our timetable was quite flexable and we went with the flow most days. For instance, if it was too hot to do ancient history...then we would do it another day and do something fun, like swimming. And instead of doing bookwork all the time, we used the internet, for some subjects, watched films and documentaries and Dan ended up making a couple of 10 minute cartoons on 'flash' for projects etc

6) We kept the social activies up. That is another area where he needed to learn he was valuable for himself and not for what he did for others.

 

If he missed a day of school, here and there, it's was okay. Now Dan is back at school (his own decision) and is in his final year!

 

Eric, give yourself a pat on the back. You have done well with Josh. :great: However, you may need to remind Josh, that you are doing this for him and you are not the enemy. And that this is only a short phase in his life...and after all of this he will go onto bigger and bettter things. He just has to get through this now.

 

Bev

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Hey Eric,

 

Great to see you back! Yeah school sucks, I'm so excited that this is my last semester for awhile (I may decide to do grad. school later, but not for at least 6 months to a year after I graduate). Anyway yeah I'd say that's fair. It seems like most parents enforce similar rules. When I lived at home I more or less had an unspoken agreement with my mom, she didn't get involved in my school stuff, and in return I didn't let there be a reason for her to. But I know she would have if my grades had started slipping. Anyway I bet it's really tough, I'd hate to have to do it, but it sounds to me like your decision was called for, and ultimately effective. So way to go! :2thumbs:

 

I'm glad to hear that you and Killer are still going strong, if you can get through the stressful times, the rest'll be clear sailing :D . Good luck with your classes, I hope you have an awesome semester, and good luck getting Josh to do all his work! Take care and have an excellent day!

 

Kevin

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Hey Pal... :wub:

 

I'm glad to see that you are, in fact, alive... :D

 

I know you guys are a family and it's a team effort, but... it has gotta be really hard trying to define what you are supposed to be to each other if you have to be the parent and the brother and the friend and the mentor all at the same time... I understand how totally stressful this can be cause I have been there myself.

 

As a parent, I fully believe in bribery... let me explain. The end result you need to acheive, in this case Josh focusing more on his studying and being commited to doing well, can be reached by either his own want, motivation, or a huge power struggle that doesn't end well for anyone. Of the three choices the first obviously isn't happening and the last just sucks no matter how it ends up so the middle choice, being that you find a way to motivate him, is the best. You found a strong motivator, Robert, and used it to get the results from Josh that you wanted and he needed.

 

I would rather have the kid do something out of respect for me or my maneuvers, than out of fear, but reality is kids want instant gratification and so rewards for the desired behavior almost always is effective. I hate bullying kids into things and that whole 'because I said so' bulls**t... I would rather talk to them like the people they are, no matter how old, on their level and reason it out with them... like you did, even if you did have to play the Robert card. In the end, they will both be happier and better off for it...

 

Great job Eric! :2thumbs: Welcome to teenagerhood! Don't forget to fully embarrass him next time you guys go shopping for clothes and ask him, not at all subtly, if he has enough room in the crotch before you buy any new pants!

 

Hugs to you and Killer :wub:

 

Love ya! Vivian

 

PS. Anyone who tells you how hard it is to have a new baby hasn't been through raising a teenager :blink: Anytime you need to talk or want some teenage boy advice... you know where I'm at :wub:

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Skool-werk is boring and there are so many more interesting things to do like cleaning the lint traps around the house, washing the kat and arranging the sock drawer.

 

A couple of things can make it more interesting:

 

1- one-on-one help- teenagers don't like to admit it but they are just bigger babies. They WANT attention but don't really know how to ask for it. When you work WITH them, they get the attention and get to work toward their academic goal.

 

This is an easy way to give them attention and bonding time and it's much preferable to some attention seeking behaviors that teen boys exhibit.

 

2- Interesting readings- remember reading the Canterbury Tales? Yeah- it was that painfully boring, unintelligible piece of oylde angelish krap that everyone has to read in Senior English. I'm surprised that more people are blind or illiterate after being exposed to reeking pile of crap like that. Now there are MUCH better that will grab their attention. Try Tolkien's Hobbit and LOTR. It can raise a kids grade level reading by 2 years.

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2- Interesting readings- remember reading the Canterbury Tales? Yeah- it was that painfully boring, unintelligible piece of oylde angelish krap that everyone has to read in Senior English. I'm surprised that more people are blind or illiterate after being exposed to reeking pile of crap like that. Now there are MUCH better that will grab their attention. Try Tolkien's Hobbit and LOTR. It can raise a kids grade level reading by 2 years.

 

I'm going to have to take exception to that. I never read it, but "Regular" English did, and they're the uninspired bunch of slackers who are too lazy/don't want to take AP English. They loved it. Apparently it's quite racy and with a good teacher, well... yeah. Even Dante can be fun if you found out he spent most of his life idolizing Beatricce del Oro, never speaking to her, yet stalking her daily. Or how about Milton who was blind, kept his daughters/wives in servitude and made sure they could write, but couldn't understand what they were writing or reading...

 

(Please note, this comes from a teenager, so take with a grain of salt). Back to the point, Coming, you took a risk, you gambled and you came out successfully. I wouldn't try it agian, it'll have lost its effectivness and, you don't need to place him under more stress. Emphasize that you're proud of him for doing the work. Remember, you only need a stick unless its necessary, but carrots are nifty all the time. And of course James is right, not just about teenagers, but about everyone. It's pretty much a basic trait that everyone wants to be paid attention or made to feel that they're important.

 

Lastly, try and let him develop an area of interest. If he can whoop everybody elses arse in a subject (oh, say military history or geography) it's a major confidence boost especially if he's still weak in some other areas. It should also get him doing work on his own and give you an idea how he learns. Does he watch T.V. to learn about the subject, read? Surf the internet? Hunt down surveyors or veterans? Learning styles are an important method of learning and retaining information. I know that I learn best in a discussion or argument., and others are much more lecture/note oriented.

 

//shadows

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Hi Guy's!

 

Thanks for all the great advise and support, I really needed it.

 

I do want to clarify and expound on a point that the Bard Man brought up.

 

To me brother's shouldn't be parenting their siblings... 'watch Super Nany for further info on that.'

 

I hope that I didn't imply that Joe abdicated his responsibility as the father :king: figure onto me. This is not the case. I volunteered to take on the supervision of Josh's education. By doing so I felt that it was my responsibility to do everything in my power to see that he get's the best. (I don't like to fail. No, I refuse to fail.) Had my attempt to inspire him not worked, then the next step would have been to bring up the issue with Joe. As it turns out I was right about Joe already knowing about the problem. We discussed the matter after I wrote my last blog entry. He said that he was curious to see how I would handle the problem. He was in full agreement with method I chose and was glad that we didn't have to take it to the next level. (It sounded to me like a test of leadership skills. WOOT WOOT! :2thumbs: I passed.)

 

To update, Josh has been hitting the books and is making great progress.

He has his "Robert :wub: privileges" restored. Also as a side note, it turns out that Robert gave him a talking to about screwing up. The boy knows his priorities. He's now holding study sessions with Josh twice a week. (It's sooooo cute. :rolleyes: ) He has also taken an active role to see that Josh stay's on track. I'm starting to really like that kid.

 

Till later

Eric

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He was in full agreement with method I chose and was glad that we didn't have to take it to the next level. (It sounded to me like a test of leadership skills. WOOT WOOT! :2thumbs: I passed.)

 

To update, Josh has been hitting the books and is making great progress.

He has his "Robert :wub: privileges" restored. Also as a side note, it turns out that Robert gave him a talking to about screwing up. The boy knows his priorities. He's now holding study sessions with Josh twice a week. (It's sooooo cute. :rolleyes: ) He has also taken an active role to see that Josh stay's on track. I'm starting to really like that kid.

 

Awesome! And I bet it'll be much easier for Josh with lots of encouragement from Robert :D

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Eric, you are a good role model, mentor and leader:) You done good:)

 

Glad to see Josh back on track and Robert helping him out (does he get a kiss from Robert for each right answer....and loses a kiss for each wrong answer....) hee hee:)

 

Josh is lucky to have an awesome BF and a cool big brother:)

 

Keep up the good work, Teacher Eric:)

 

Michael

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