On Being Old
As a young man exploring the gay subculture for the first time, twenty-five seemed the outer limit, old age in the youth-centered gay scene I was exploring. Once I reached twenty-five, I decided that was not so bad after all, but everything must be downhill after thirty. After reaching geezerhood at thirty, the time had come to open my mind to a new way of thinking about age.
Now that I am, shall we say, older than thirty, I'm happier than I ever was. I'm legally married now, thanks to the blood, sweat and tears of our brave gay and lesbian activists. I'm comfortable if not rich. I have a settled, sensible and orderly life devoid of drama and confusion. None of this was true when I was young, single, poor, and lonely, playing at love with one Mr., Ms., or Mrs. Wrong after the other.
Truth be told, I'd rather be old than young. Granted, I am not as pretty as I used to be, but that does not matter very much. I was never so vain about my appearance as to spend much time looking in a mirror. What remains important to me is my inner world, thoughts and ideas, and those are just as poignant now as they were back in my lonely years. Chess, books, television shows, writing, conversation, and walks in the park are just as fun now as they were back then.
Young man, envy those of eighty. Do not pity your gray and withered elders, because they have already banked many good and productive years, which can never be taken away from them, not by misfortune and not even by death. Pity the young, such as yourself, because your fate remains unclear, subject to the whims of Destiny. I expressed this thought to a young man at a dinner party, and he retorted, "Why wouldn't a young person make it to old age!" The thought of tragedy seems strange to the young of today, lucky ones who do not attend funerals of those slain by AIDS, war, or shootings. Sheltered ones, who live comfortable lives in loving homes, you are lucky, but destiny has a long reach. Even if death seems remote to you now, It is a good thing to make it to old age, a rare thing, I tell you now. It is fine and splendid to appreciate what Sinatra named "the dregs of life," which can be just as good as the first sips from the cup.
- 10
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