This is my first blog post... and I am writing this in the privacy of my own room, but as I type these words...as I make to life my secret...I find as though I am a warrior...a warrior in a battle between fear and triumpth. I created this online world for myself, and this is where I'll tell my lies, my secrets, but most of all, who I really am.
I won't give out too many details about my background and the specifics of my origin for I am too worried about the possibility of someone figuring out who I am...but I can tell you this much:
I am a highschool sophomore, born into a strict & conservative family.
I have one younger sister.
I play the violin
I play 3 sports: Volleyball, Basketball, and Golf
I am pretty smart I believe...
and...I am Gay.
That last sentence took me 5 minutes to type. I have been debating with myself for some time now...regarding this issue...am I or am I not? But I came to a conclusion last weekend...I simply asked myself...who would I rather f**K? A guy or Girl? To be so blunt might be ignorant or rash, but that is how I decided. TO me...guys are hot. The male body and form turns me on to an extreme. I wanted to do...I wanted to be with...a guy, a man...not a girl. Of course I want to get married to a woman...have 2.5 kids....and own a suburban home with a soccer mom who drives a mini-van...but I know that will never happen. Not if I like guys the way I know I do...
That being said...other questions spring into my mind:
Am I dispicable?
Am I a horrible person?
Am I going to be condemned to hell?
Am I a fag?
Am I queer?
I certainly feel like it...but I can not change that. I am gay. This is my life. I have to live with it. I have also reached a new found understanding of myself. Through this site, GA, I have been able to witness and view numerous individuals who have all turned out OK. They are great human beings and great people. Being gay is a part of who we are, but is an aspect of ourselves that does not define our WHOLE selves. That gives me a certain level of comfort. I know that with time, I can accept myself, and hopefully be able to live my life as not a lie...but as who I really am.
P.S. I really need some people now who can guide me...who can help me... Strangers that I do not know....who will not judge me... If you could...please comment me..I would greatly appreciate it...