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Caipirinha

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I've been in a really good mood lately. And when Luigi is in a good mood, he is funnier than normal. So here are some of my more amusing conversations from the past 24 hours or so.

 

On Insuslts:

 

Rob (My brother) (4:38:05 AM): < /lie>

 

Et tu Croutons (4:38:17 AM): < your mom>

 

Rob (4:38:32 AM): < your mom as well>

 

Et tu Croutons (4:38:35 AM): < shush your mouth>

 

Rob (4:38:51 AM): ......... ........ ................................

 

Et tu Croutons (4:39:14 AM): where's pac man when you need him?

Et tu Croutons (4:39:32 AM): (.\/)

Et tu Croutons (4:39:34 AM): oh

Et tu Croutons (4:39:36 AM): haha there he is

 

Rob (4:39:48 AM): (|)

 

Et tu Croutons (4:39:52 AM): pacman

Et tu Croutons (4:39:54 AM): not vagina

 

~~~

 

Aileen (My best friend) (4:47:43 PM): no i sucked Jonathans pee pee last nite

Aileen (4:47:47 PM): i lvoe yuo

 

Et tu Croutons (4:48:04 PM): you sucked jonathan's penis last night?

 

Aileen (4:48:09 PM): sure did

Aileen (4:48:11 PM): lol

 

Et tu Croutons (4:48:16 PM): hey cool, so did some girl from adultfriendfinder

Et tu Croutons (4:48:17 PM): ;-D

Et tu Croutons (4:48:22 PM): wow I'm a bitch today

 

~~~

 

On working out:

 

Et tu Croutons (3:41:05 PM): I finally understand why most people don't work out

Et tu Croutons (3:41:11 PM): that's some god damn hard work right there

 

Tianna (My home slice) (3:41:17 PM): lol

 

Et tu Croutons (3:41:19 PM): f**kin masochistic ass skinny f**kers

 

Tianna (3:41:20 PM): so true

 

Et tu Croutons (3:42:04 PM): i just...what's that thing called between running and walking?...is that jogging? what the hell is jogging? Jogged? 2 miles on an eliptical machine

Et tu Croutons (3:42:08 PM): and let me tell you

Et tu Croutons (3:42:14 PM): GOD DAMN to that

 

Tianna (3:42:16 PM): hahahaha

 

Et tu Croutons (3:42:58 PM): all i have to say to working out

Et tu Croutons (3:43:07 PM): is when in Rome do as the Romans

Et tu Croutons (3:43:11 PM): and my house ain't no gym

Et tu Croutons (3:43:16 PM): so as far as I am concerned

Et tu Croutons (3:43:28 PM): there will be no more of this bllasphemed working out in my home

Et tu Croutons (3:43:35 PM): mine is a house of God

 

Tianna (3:43:36 PM): hahaha

Tianna (3:44:08 PM): why do you have an eliptical machine in your house?

Tianna (3:44:18 PM): who the hell do you think you are? mariah carey?

 

Et tu Croutons (3:44:37 PM): at one point

Et tu Croutons (3:44:42 PM): i thought i wanted to be skinny

Et tu Croutons (3:44:53 PM): but then again this back in the day where i thought i was straight

 

Tianna (3:45:00 PM): hahahaah

 

Et tu Croutons (3:45:01 PM): so who the hell knows what was running around in my head back then

Et tu Croutons (3:45:38 PM): hot damn

Et tu Croutons (3:46:07 PM): not to gross you out or anything

Et tu Croutons (3:46:21 PM): but i'm sweating like a hooker at a baptist revival

 

Tianna (3:46:27 PM): hahahaaha

 

Later in the same conversation:

 

Et tu Croutons (4:13:36 PM): why am i creating work out playlists when i am so against the idea of ever working out again?

Et tu Croutons (4:13:37 PM): what is that?

 

Tianna (4:14:26 PM): because strangely, working out is addictive

Tianna (4:14:51 PM): i hate going to the gym and dying on the machine... yet i get back and stare at none of the changes that have been made for about an hour

 

Et tu Croutons (4:15:52 PM): dude i'm saying

Et tu Croutons (4:15:56 PM): i was like that work out was bullshit

Et tu Croutons (4:16:02 PM): can't wait to do it tomorrow

Et tu Croutons (4:16:07 PM): wtf is that

 

Tianna (4:16:19 PM): hahahaha

Tianna (4:16:21 PM): same here

Tianna (4:16:44 PM): i'm always like "damn! i f**kin hate the gym! ...so, same time tomorrow?"

 

Et tu Croutons (4:18:06 PM): seriously

 

~~~

 

Et tu Croutons (3:42:36 PM): i just jogged 2 miles on an eliptical machine

 

Joanna (My partner in diabettess and smoking in the parking lot of Goodwill) (3:43:18 PM): ewww

Joanna (3:43:23 PM): this is why i only do like

Joanna (3:43:26 PM): bikes

Joanna (3:43:31 PM): and recumbent bikes at that

Joanna (3:43:42 PM): anyway

Joanna (3:43:44 PM): pete's here

 

Et tu Croutons (3:43:49 PM): hi pete

 

Joanna (3:43:56 PM): and may be here until tomorrow; we don't know yet. But we should go out for diabettess.

Joanna (3:43:59 PM): he says hi

 

Et tu Croutons (3:44:01 PM): haha

Et tu Croutons (3:44:04 PM): joanna

Et tu Croutons (3:44:06 PM): can i just say

Et tu Croutons (3:44:16 PM): the irnoy of me just finishing working out for the first time in my life

 

Joanna (3:44:18 PM): do please say

 

Et tu Croutons (3:44:24 PM): right before you ask me to go out for diabettess

 

Joanna (3:44:26 PM): hahaha

 

Et tu Croutons (3:44:26 PM): is so much

Et tu Croutons (3:44:29 PM): that my brain just died

 

Joanna (3:44:38 PM): along with your body

 

~~~

 

On Sex Education:

 

Et tu Croutons (4:32:38 PM): We didn't have sex ed. we had some gay class called "Family life" in the fifth grade that was the stupidest class ever

Et tu Croutons (4:32:45 PM): especially since i had a brother who was 14 at the time

Et tu Croutons (4:33:02 PM): so I was already watching porn when these kids were like wait your pee pee gets hard? when? why?

Et tu Croutons (4:33:05 PM): how?

Et tu Croutons (4:33:18 PM): so the teacher was like let's talk about ejaculation

Et tu Croutons (4:33:22 PM): and these kids were like

Et tu Croutons (4:33:25 PM): WHAT!

 

Tianna (4:33:26 PM): ya i was basically teaching the class when i took it

 

Et tu Croutons (4:33:38 PM): and I was like...let's talk about facials...those seem interesting

 

Tianna (4:33:48 PM): the teacher left out sooo much stuff so after the class was over i filled in the blanks

 

Et tu Croutons (4:34:01 PM): the teacher made me leave class a couple of times

 

Tianna (4:34:08 PM): my teacher too

Tianna (4:34:12 PM): she said i was too in depth

 

Et tu Croutons (4:34:16 PM): because they were teaching sex strictly in military position strictly for procreation

Et tu Croutons (4:34:21 PM): and i was like

Et tu Croutons (4:34:29 PM): um...if you do it in reverse cowgirl your girl likes it better

 

Tianna (4:34:35 PM): hhahahaha

 

Et tu Croutons (4:34:36 PM): and if you really want to get a girl knocked up

Et tu Croutons (4:34:41 PM): do it from behind it's your best shot

Et tu Croutons (4:34:55 PM): man I got sent to confession so many times during that class

Et tu Croutons (4:35:03 PM): (did I forget to mention i went to catholic grade school?)

 

Tianna (4:35:30 PM): lol well i figured you did if they were that uptight about sex

 

Et tu Croutons (4:35:43 PM): they were nuts

Et tu Croutons (4:35:46 PM): and seriously

 

Tianna (4:35:49 PM): my school was unreasonably uptight since by 5th grade my class was basically pregnant

 

Et tu Croutons (4:35:51 PM): i know alot about sex

 

Tianna (4:35:56 PM): like, i was the freaky virgin 7th grader

 

Et tu Croutons (4:36:07 PM): so they were talking about masturbation was a sin

Et tu Croutons (4:36:35 PM): and i was talking about how in all actuality masturbation is healthy for you. it clears your skin, makes your hair shinier, and is clinically proven to make it easier for you to sleep

Et tu Croutons (4:36:45 PM): among other things

Et tu Croutons (4:36:47 PM): and they were like

Et tu Croutons (4:36:49 PM): Luigi

Et tu Croutons (4:36:51 PM): go to confession

Et tu Croutons (4:36:53 PM): so i would

Et tu Croutons (4:36:58 PM): and the priest was like so what are your sins

Et tu Croutons (4:37:00 PM): and I was like

Et tu Croutons (4:37:03 PM): i read cosmo...

Et tu Croutons (4:37:04 PM): ?

 

Tianna (4:37:35 PM): hahahahaha

 

Et tu Croutons (4:37:53 PM): oh my god that class was a joke

Et tu Croutons (4:38:15 PM): other student "so wait, is semen clear or white?"

Et tu Croutons (4:38:35 PM): teacher "uh...it doesn't really matter and it's different in all boys"

Et tu Croutons (4:39:37 PM): luigi "actually, its a combination of both. semen itself is white more or less, but the other combinations of fluids making up ejaculate are usually clear so it's made up of both."

Et tu Croutons (4:39:43 PM): teacher "Luigi..."

Et tu Croutons (4:39:52 PM): luigi "I know, go to confession"

Et tu Croutons (4:40:06 PM): that teacher was such a prude

 

Tianna (4:40:10 PM): lol

 

Et tu Croutons (4:40:14 PM): he threw a hissy fit when i said cum

Et tu Croutons (4:40:25 PM): because the proper name is ejaculate

Et tu Croutons (4:40:31 PM): well

Et tu Croutons (4:40:49 PM): actually it was probably because my defense to that was "No one honestly yells 'baby i'm going to ejaculate' in the middle of sex!"

 

Tianna (4:41:41 PM): hahahahahah

 

~~~

 

And lastly, On and Having to Poop.

 

Aileen (4:54:31 PM): you will love it

Aileen (4:54:33 PM): trust me

Aileen (4:56:57 PM): but i have to shit now the taco bell hit me like a ton of bricks

Aileen (4:56:58 PM): later

Aileen is away at 4:57:05 PM.

 

Et tu Croutons (4:57:06 PM): hahahaha

 

~~~

 

So I appologize for that being both far too long and possibly offensive, but I hope you enjoyed. I may or may not write a real post later about my weekend, which was suprisingly positive even if it did make me seriously reconsider my decision to quit smoking.

 

Toodles. :-)

5 Comments


Recommended Comments

I wish I woulda been in class with you :funny::funny:

 

Funny, alot of the boys (They did indeed teach a seperate class for boys where they conveniently left out just about everything about the vagina aside from the fact that girls have one and it bleeds once a month) thought the exact opposite.

 

P.S. Happy Birthday, regardless of the fact that you don't celebrate.

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Guest Kitty

Posted

LOL Luigi, it's missionary position ... although now you've got me wondering what "military position" would be. Perhaps I shouldn't ask. :unsure::o

 

Kitty

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LOL Luigi, it's missionary position ... although now you've got me wondering what "military position" would be. Perhaps I shouldn't ask. :unsure::o

 

Kitty

 

Military position; Big gun, one shot, aim to kill, ...I'm going to stop now before I get in trouble with the minors on this site.

 

;-D

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