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Fathers Be Good To Your Dau.... SONS!



So... my dad... hmmm theres alot to talk about when it comes to him. You see me and him do not have a relationship at all, just out of the pure fact that he never really seemed interested in me if i didnt have a ball in my hand or on the back of some stupid horse. So yeah... our relationship sucks and i realised that this weekend, because my sister decided to go missing for all of five minutes, see she had been out with her friends all day and she hadn't came home and the parents that she was with had lost track of her and called here to see if they had turned up here... and guess what... my stupid ass dad atomaticly goes into blame nick mode. So i let him have it, me and him are argueing and my mom stops us and i go up stairs to my room. Mind you this was on saturday night... after my day of bliss with trav... so this braught me crashing back down from cloud nine. Uhhh...


Any way... i have known for years that i am not the son that my dad wanted nor do i tend to ever be the son that he wants... and i feel good that i am not alone in this. See, i called trav last night and explained to him about my dad and mines little rendevuz and he told me that he hated his dad. I was in total shock, i knew that they never hardly talked but every time i am around them they seem to acutally love each other... because neither one of them look miserable, while as i am a nervous wreck the whole time i am with my dad. So any way... yeah... it sucks... i am a little on the chubby side (not fat, but not skinny either, just alittle bigger than average) any way, my dad all ways tells me how when he was in high school about how atheletic and fit he was while me, i am in a computer thingy called STLP and am on Student body Government and Might i add drama club... my dad also talka about how i should ride horses and i have no desire to ever get on anything that smelly. :thumbdown::sheep:


But anyway... after me and trav had that little chat it made me feel way closer to him... we have never talked about hard stuff like that before and i really liked that he opened up to me like that. I also wanna put it out there that i am rooting for my parents to get a divorce... i know this is sad to say, but my life would be so much more peaceful if my parents were no longer together. They fight alot, and i really dislike my dad. so yeah... i know its bad to say, but i hope that this is one wish that comes true very soon.


On a happier note i would like to say congradulations for LittleBuddaTW for making it on the shared authors page... i have started reading his story someday out of the blue and i love it... and Little Budda if you read this... i so want Ryan and Connor to get together... i am only at the begining of chapter four, so i dont know what is going down... for all i know is they could be together or Connor and Toby could be an item... but any way i am off to read...


Just a reminder... keep on commenting i really like reading the responses they make me feel good and supported... so yeah thanks to everyone that takes the time to read my blog and a special thanks to those who are kind enough to leave their opinions... thank you... :hug::worship:


later ~ nick :read:


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:hug: Nick


I'm sorry that your Dad is giving you such a bad time.


I reckon that parental expectations usually fall under four or more catagories...here are a few that came to mind. I'm sure others can add to the list...


1) Parents tend to see their childhoods through rose coloured glasses and expect their kids to do the same things they did as kids and love the same things they did and basically be 3D walking talking photocopies of themselves,

2) Their kids will be better at everything than they were because their kids have life so much easier than them, or

3) The parent will relive their lives through their kids or

4) They think their kids will never be any good at any thing so why bother.


Nick, I know that it hurts when your parents criticise you for being you. And it's really difficult when you are stuck in that place where your mum or dad seem to find fault with you all the time and there is no where to escape it. In my experience, there is nothing you can do to make your parents change their minds. You could still do everything your dad wants you to do, but he will never be satisfied...because he has got this image in his head of how good everything was when he was your age.


You are a different person to your dad. You may have some of the same gifts and abilities but you also have lots of different gifts and abilities. Your dad just doesn't understand that the things that interest you are not the same as things that interested him at your age or even interest him now.


At least you have Trav to talk to and confide in. It seems that because you opened up to Trav and showed him your vulnerabilities, he did the same to you. Being real to each other, can build strong foundations to a lasting friendship.



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I also wanna put it out there that i am rooting for my parents to get a divorce... i know this is sad to say, but my life would be so much more peaceful if my parents were no longer together. They fight alot, and i really dislike my dad. so yeah... i know its bad to say, but i hope that this is one wish that comes true very soon.


Don't feel bad for thinking that Nick, I felt the same about my folks when I was younger because it was just so stressful them being together. Mine did split up about a year ago actually, and it's already less stressful. Take care *hugs* I hope things improve for you soon.

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Hey Nick,


About the rents, I was in the same position 2 years ago and we are still going through the motions. The whole divorce thing adds stress and cuts ties between family. As of right now my Dad's mom doesn't talk to him, My aunts are paying to get rid of him. It's not really a fun experience so try not to "wish" it'll happen. What needs to happen will happen.



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Hi Nick,


I'm so sorry things are tough with your dad. My parents split up when I was two and my mom and I moved back to her home state. I never even remember my parents beings together, but I grew up around my grandparents and really my grandfather is like my dad. Anyway I'm definitely glad they split up, I quite liked my childhood and felt like instead of just 2 parents I had 3 :D . But anyway I basically have a non-relationship with my dad too. I haven't seen him in person in about 4 years. I've met my youngest half sister (now 5) ONCE when she was 6 months, and I don't even think I've talked to them on the phone since Christmas. I don't even know my father well enough to know if he'd "approve" of me. **shrugs**


That isn't to say we don't get along, or that I don't like him. No when we do talk (or, ever so rarely, see each other) he really does make an honest effort, and I'm always polite and friendly. We send gifts on birthdays and holidays, the occasional souvenir from vacations etc. I'd definitely never accuse him of being a deadbeat dad or anything. But the point remains that for better or worse there really isn't much of a relationship there. And I don't care. I don't blame him or resent him, I wish him the best, but I'm just fine like I am and wouldn't have wanted it any different.


So I'm not really sure where I'm going with this.... I think my basic point is this: The only person you can live your life for is YOU! I'm not saying be selfish or disregard other people, but it's up to you to decide what will please or disapoint you. It's fine to take into consideration the thoughts and feelings of the people that you're close to, after all they matter in your life, but in the end it's up to you. And if you're not even that close with your father to begin with...well then his opinion should matter even less (not that I'm encouraging you to be hostile).


You don't need anyone's approval but your own. Again take into consideration the feelings of those closest to you, but in all likelihood these will be the people that will encourage you to live your life for you and accept you the way you are anyway. Be good and keep your morals and integrity. But if you're living a good, happy, and decent life, well then I'd say forget the people that find fault with it.


**Sigh** that may be harsh though. And it may not be the "right" advice. The "right" advice is probably something like, "Try to learn to communicate with your dad on common ground. Reason with him, talk things out, and explain that you've got to be your own person, but that that does mean you don't want him in your life." Yeah that's probably the "right" advice. So just take your pick ;):P:boy:


Have an awesome day and take care, Nick


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I'm glad you're enjoying the story, Nick. It means a lot! :D


As for your family issues, I can relate to how you're feeling. When I was an angst-ridden teen, there were many times that I wished that my parents would get a divorce ... although it was my over-bearing b*tch of a mother that I hated rather than my father. Anyway, just because someone has the biological ability to have a child does not make them qualified for parenting. Sometimes I wonder why if they require licenses for driving, carrying a concealed weapons, and even fishing, why they don't require a license to have a child? hehe


It's a sad fact that I know waaaay more unstable families than I do stable ones.


Anywho, just hang in there, bud. *Hugz*

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Ok... Thanks Everyone for your advice... but me and my mom talk alot (me and her have very very close relationship... she just doesn't or needn't know about my secret... but she is a great mom, she is loving and careing and gives me the respect that i want) and she said that she didnt blame me for feeling the way i did about dad. See he has never ever really been there, finacially yes, but no here, he has always put his friends, farm and family in that order. But since he has turn forty a little over two years ago, i believe that he has started to realise that he has missed so much of mine and my sisters live... because to me it has always felt like my mom was a single mom... me, her, and my sister have always done things together and never worried about what dad thought our anything, until the recent two years when he has tried to become involved. AND WE ALL HATE IT, because me, mom, and my sis are just alike... and he is nothing like us... but i guess i still love him, but not as much as a son son should love a father.


any way... i just want to say thanks to those that have replied with their advice and stories.


later ~ nick :read:

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