Jump to content

Briar's Blog

  • entries
    15
  • comments
    46
  • views
    4,977

Insecurities suck :(


Briar

352 views

When I talk to people, be it online or off, I always find myself holding back. Re-thinking what I'm about to say two or three or even four times. That seed of doubt that if I'm too much myself or share too much about myself than just the basics that rejection or polite scorn will be what I get in return. I can't help it. I know it's silly. But when I can't accept myself at times, I find it impossible for anyone else too.

 

So far I have only three or four people as friends I feel I'm able to be near on completely open about myself with, and some what sadly, all of them are online friends. Only one of those is someone I've met recently, on these forums in fact, the others have I met through my Livejournal almost three years ago.

 

It's great I suppose that I have these people I can be open with. But I'd like to feel that I could share more of who I am with more than just four people. It makes making close friendships hard.

 

But I don't know if I'll ever get over the slightly irrational fear I have absolute rejection. I know a lot of people feel the same as I do. Everyone gets scared. But I tend to take my fear to the extremes.

 

There are some things, like my sexuality, that I'm totally comfortable with and don't mind letting it be known. But then I don't think my sexuality really plays much into who I am as a person. It is a small part, but not a big one.

 

It's a lot of the other parts of me. My interests. My beliefs. My thoughts. My feelings. What I look like. A whole number of things I won't even go into because I don't even know them all myself.

 

I'm just not at all comfortable with me. And I don't know if that'll ever change to a point where it won't hold me back anymore.

 

 

I'm just a lovely bowl of angst tonight it seems.

6 Comments


Recommended Comments

Aww Briar, I know we hardly know each other, but I'm really proud of you for making such an honest entry. I know that must have been very difficult for you, but I think it was an important step. You're right lots of people have fears that others won't like who they are. I know it sounds a little odd but I'd say my biggest concern about my personality is that people will think I'm boring, or consider me too normal. I'm comfortable being unpredictable and a little odd, but normal and boring I don't deal with too well...So I always feel like I have to keep people smiling or tell them something interesting/strange. Anyway the point is everyone (well I'm guessing everyone) has their own unique set of insecurities and fears. The other thing is that most of the fears are only bad from their (and maybe a few other people's) point of view. I mean even if it were true that I was painfully typical and run of the mill....well alot of people would probably WANT that. I'm not sure what your fears are, but if for example you were worried that you occasionally said weird things or whatever...well I actually find that a little compelling in people. I guess what I'm getting at is that when it comes to personalities there's really no way to go "wrong" (or even entirely "right), everyone likes different things :D:2thumbs:

 

Anyway for what it's worth you seem really cool to me :)

 

Take care and have a great day! :hug:

Kevin

Link to comment

Heya Briar

 

I think saying that insecurities suck, is really polite. I would say worse things about them, than just saying that they suck! :thumbdown:

 

Insecurities...I know with me, that as I deal with one, another one will rear it's ugly head. And mine come courteous of years of abuse.

 

Briar, I don't know if you have a yard at home, but I have and my front yard is full of dandilion weeds. Do you know how to kill them? You have to dig them out, by the root, one by one. Because if you spray the dandilion weeds with poison, you will kill one but another hundred will come to it's funeral... It's the same with insecurities, you have to dig them out at the root to get rid of them. And it can be bloody hard work and the only way I know how to dig them out is by going through counselling and/or therapy.

But I don't know if I'll ever get over the slightly irrational fear I have absolute rejection. I know a lot of people feel the same as I do. Everyone gets scared. But I tend to take my fear to the extremes.
Tell me about fears of rejection --- How about when you email people and they don't bother emailing back and the you email them again just incase they are really really busy and they still don't email back and then you think that they hate you? Or if you see someone in the supermarket but don't want to talk to them because you think that you will say something stupid so you duck down another aisle and miss out on buying something you really needed? :blink:

 

Briar, I think that you are right that most people get scared and that some people live with rejection all their lives. But you gotta realise that when you think people dislike you or think terrible things about you, that is only your imagination telling yourself that you aren't worthy of getting respect. And you are worthy of respect. You are worthy of being loved. You are worthy Briar, because you are you. And there is nothing wrong with you.

 

And if you stuff up, then that only proves that you are part of the human race, 'cos everybody stuffs up! And your interests and beliefs and thoughts and feelings are all a part of what makes you a human being. You don't have to be anything other than who you are to be acceptable and accepted.

 

You know that sometimes you have to just take a deep breath and step out and say 'heya' to complete strangers. And it's scary and you might say 'heya' to twenty or thirty or fifty complete strangers but one of those complete strangers might just turn out to be the bestest of best friends that you will ever have because they were waiting for someone just like you to say hello to them.

 

Bev

 

p.s. we are still going to Cairns. The house that we are staying in is still okay - although the swimming pool might be in the lounge room :wacko: It's gonna be an 'adventure'.

Link to comment

Heya again Briar!

 

I was just wondering, is it just me or do you think that Kevins avatar reminds you of a famous pirate?

 

CaptainFeatherswordFriendlyPirate.jpg

Link to comment

 

 

Tell me about fears of rejection --- How about when you email people and they don't bother emailing back and the you email them again just incase they are really really busy and they still don't email back and then you think that they hate you? Or if you see someone in the supermarket but don't want to talk to them because you think that you will say something stupid so you duck down another aisle and miss out on buying something you really needed? :blink:

 

I tend to think they hate me after the first unaswered email. And if I see someone I know at the supermarket I hide as well for the same reasons.... heh.

 

 

You know that sometimes you have to just take a deep breath and step out and say 'heya' to complete strangers. And it's scary and you might say 'heya' to twenty or thirty or fifty complete strangers but one of those complete strangers might just turn out to be the bestest of best friends that you will ever have because they were waiting for someone just like you to say hello to them.

 

I can say 'Heya', my problem is not knowing what to say after that. My skills in conversation are seriously lacking...

 

 

 

 

p.s. we are still going to Cairns. The house that we are staying in is still okay - although the swimming pool might be in the lounge room :wacko: It's gonna be an 'adventure'.

 

Adventures are fun :) I turns out Leah misquoted the cost to me, It's 105$ a night for the room, so for three days we will only have to pay 105$ each. Major relief. I'm kinda excited now about going away... :D

 

Heya again Briar!

 

I was just wondering, is it just me or do you think that Kevins avatar reminds you of a famous pirate?

 

CaptainFeatherswordFriendlyPirate.jpg

 

ahahaha. It does remind me of said famous Pirate. :2thumbs:

Link to comment

Aww Briar, I know we hardly know each other, but I'm really proud of you for making such an honest entry. I know that must have been very difficult for you, but I think it was an important step. You're right lots of people have fears that others won't like who they are. I know it sounds a little odd but I'd say my biggest concern about my personality is that people will think I'm boring, or consider me too normal. I'm comfortable being unpredictable and a little odd, but normal and boring I don't deal with too well...So I always feel like I have to keep people smiling or tell them something interesting/strange. Anyway the point is everyone (well I'm guessing everyone) has their own unique set of insecurities and fears. The other thing is that most of the fears are only bad from their (and maybe a few other people's) point of view. I mean even if it were true that I was painfully typical and run of the mill....well alot of people would probably WANT that. I'm not sure what your fears are, but if for example you were worried that you occasionally said weird things or whatever...well I actually find that a little compelling in people. I guess what I'm getting at is that when it comes to personalities there's really no way to go "wrong" (or even entirely "right), everyone likes different things :D:2thumbs:

 

Anyway for what it's worth you seem really cool to me :)

 

Take care and have a great day! :hug:

Kevin

 

It was hard to post... I had to leave the house and go for a drive just so I couldn't re-think my decision to post it and delete the entry.

 

My fears (in social situations) range from saying something totally weird and stupid to not being able to say anything at all - I can not hold a long conversation with anyone (bar a few) and find it very difficult to start one.

 

When I talk to someone new online or sometimes people I've known for awhile, I always triple think my responses and avoid personal questions a lot - and not for safety reasons or anything but because I don't want to have someone think negatively of me even when they most likely wouldn't.

 

I don't know if I'm explaining myself very well. I'm not that good with words when it comes to myself...

Link to comment

Heya again Briar!

 

I was just wondering, is it just me or do you think that Kevins avatar reminds you of a famous pirate?

 

CaptainFeatherswordFriendlyPirate.jpg

 

LOL :D

yep, don't worry guys, I'm a "friendly" priate :)

 

It was hard to post... I had to leave the house and go for a drive just so I couldn't re-think my decision to post it and delete the entry.

I know what you mean for sure! I've considered deleting a few of my entries before too, mostly because I'm afraid I'll offend someone.

 

My fears (in social situations) range from saying something totally weird and stupid to not being able to say anything at all - I can not hold a long conversation with anyone (bar a few) and find it very difficult to start one.

Yep the fine art of "small talk" really is an art. But it does get better with practice. When I was younger I was very nervous about talking to strangers, but as I've gotten older and done it more and more I find myself able to strike up a conversation with someone in a check out line, or other random public place. Most people are willing and friendly, and even if they're not they'll at least give you a dismissive one word response, which can then be your cue that they don't care to chat.

 

When I talk to someone new online or sometimes people I've known for awhile, I always triple think my responses and avoid personal questions a lot - and not for safety reasons or anything but because I don't want to have someone think negatively of me even when they most likely wouldn't.

 

I don't know if I'm explaining myself very well. I'm not that good with words when it comes to myself...

I tend to worry most about other people thinking I don't like them. Like I'm worried I won't seem friendly or responsive enough, or that I'll say something jokingly that may be construed the wrong way.

 

Anyway I wish you the very best, Briar, and I really do think just talking about it is making progress. Of course you have to do it at your own pace, but sometimes the best way to get over something is to just sort of force yourself to confront it. Anyway I think you'll be fine!

 

Have a great day and take care,

Kevin

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..