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self care

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mollyhousemouse

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So, i’m following up on what i posted last week, about me not feeling quite ME.

Phil and i talked a lot last week, and to be honest, i teared up more than once. We talked about how i can’t be who i am, do what i do, if i’m not at my best.  And i haven’t been at my best.

To be at your best, you need to take care of yourself. When you’re on a plane and they give the safety briefing, they say to put the oxygen mask on before you help you someone who may have trouble doing it, children or whoever.  It’s because YOU need to be able to function to help THEM.

Being a partner, parent, Dom or sub, it’s all the same.  i’ve heard it said that “You can’t pour from an empty cup” and it's true. 
So i’m working at “self care.” It’s a phrase that’s tossed around frequently, and sounds kind of self serving. Phil asked me to look it up, what is “self care.”  Here is what i found:

Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it's a simple concept in theory, it's something we very often overlook. Good self-care is key to improved mood and reduced anxiety.

What Self-Care Is — and What It Isn't - Psych Central

https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-self-care-is-and-what-it-isnt-2/

Frankly, i have been very bad at doing this; i am bad at doing this. Oh sure, we go every week to the farmers market, and we hit up the Saturday markets that show up. We do these things together. But, as He pointed out, i haven’t done much, just for me lately. He says He shares some fault in this. He’s been needing me a little more lately with His vision issues, i have to do all the driving dusk to dawn now, as well as help Him read some things. But, i’m also guilty of not asking for time. There have been several invites from my friends that i have just said “No, I can’t go this time.” He was not at all pleased to find out about that! (Facebook ratted me out!)

i’ve been told that this behavior needs to stop. At the very least, i need let Him know that i’ve been asked to do something, to go over for game night, or out for dinner. 

i went out Saturday night with a group of girlfriends, just dinner, nothing fancy, and had a great time, once i relaxed, lol! And Sunday, i felt much better for it. He was right. Of course.
He’s going to help me get back to myself, because that’s what He does.  He cares for me. 

So, i’ve been told that i need to start finding time to take care of me. At this point, i’m not sure what that looks like. 

How do you self-care?  What are the things you do for you to take care of yourself? i’m open for suggestions, and i thank you for being part of the conversation.


 

i edited this myself, any errors are mine

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Thanks molls! Your post last week started me thinking, which lead to several serious discussions. Hubby and I came to the conclusion I was trying to do too much for too many people and it was costing me both physically and mentally. We came to the conclusion i needed to leave teaching at the second barn. While the pay was excellent, it was also hit or miss, and several times they cancelled as i was aproaching the driveway after a 45 minute drive.

 

I was feeling guilty. I am not a quitter, and the students out there are fun to work with. Todays post changed that.  I don't go out and do much just for me, and the hours there took away the one activity i did purely for my pleasure. 

Thank you again molls! You have done a service for more than just your own wellbeing.

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You speak with enormous wisdom, molly. I find self-care to be very difficult, too. 

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i think a lot of us are guilty of neglecting our self-care from time to time. i know i am as well.

In the past, my self-care included writing, sewing, going fishing and/or camping, relaxing with a book, etc. Unfortunately, i haven't done any of that lately. i haven't sewn for pure enjoyment in over a year, i haven't been fishing or camping since 2017, i honestly couldnt say the last time i relaxed with a book, and i haven't really written in probably two years. 

But that's okay, it is what it is, and hopefully eventually i'll be able to get back to doing some of that stuff. For now, i just focus on caring for Baby J and making sure he has what he needs.

Great post, miss molly!

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Michael does a lot of things so i don't have to. This leaves me lots of time for me to do what i feel like and love to do. In turn i do what i can to look after him.

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You asked above what we do for our own self-care... and I'll tell you a few things I do.

* I listen to music.  I mean, really listen.  I allow myself a quiet time and place to do it, so that it's not just in the background.  I listen to the words, let the melody infect my mind, and ride along with the joy or pain of the singer.  It helps.
* I work out.  When you think about it, working out and ensuring our bodies are in good condition is a gift to both yourself and to those who love you.  It also releases endorphins, and later you will see results from that work if you are consistent.
* I read, I write, I consume media that I enjoy.  Though, that doesn't include much TV.  I find too much negativity there, and I avoid it.
* I eat foods I enjoy.  Sweets are truly a treat, because I don't eat them all the time.  But when I do, I don't feel guilty.
* I schedule hot tub sessions as rewards for being consistent with my workouts.  I also plan to do the same with massages.  That reminds me, I need to call my masseur!

Mostly, it just setting aside the time.  You have to do that.  You're worth allotting time to be your best.  Those who love you want to see that version, and so do you.  Don't put off caring about your needs - they're important.

I'm glad you're on the path to getting back to "you".  Good job, taking that first step.

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For me it's quiet time away from everyone else in order to really relax and recharge. The ex (the lying b---- before C came into my life) never really understood my need for that.

My problem is putting myself out in into  a public setting, with lots of people - especially people I don't know. I could -- and have -- disappear into my house for days and never see or speak with anyone else. That takes the "quiet time" to a bit of an extreme, and I know I need to do better.

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On 7/18/2019 at 6:01 AM, Kitt said:

Thank you again molls! You have done a service for more than just your own wellbeing.

thanks Kitt
it's been a couple of difficult weeks, but i am so glad that it sparked something for you too
thanks for taking the time to read and comment
 

On 7/18/2019 at 6:39 AM, Parker Owens said:

You speak with enormous wisdom, molly. I find self-care to be very difficult, too. 

hi Parker
i'm finding that this is a common thread with many people i know
it became a conversation in our breakroom at work as well
i hope that you are able to work on your self care too

i appreciate you reading and joining the discussion
 

Edited by mollyhousemouse

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On 7/18/2019 at 9:46 AM, Renee Stevens said:

i think a lot of us are guilty of neglecting our self-care from time to time. i know i am as well.

well, with a very small baby you have to take the chances as they come, i remember those days well
maybe you could try some sewing during nap time? i hope you're able to get back to those things that make you happy soon!

thanks for reading and being part of the conversation

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On 7/18/2019 at 11:56 AM, Mikiesboy said:

Michael does a lot of things so i don't have to. This leaves me lots of time for me to do what i feel like and love to do. In turn i do what i can to look after him.

thanks tim
you've helped me so much in this already, i appreciate all you've done
Michael Sir and you make a wonderful team, makes my hear happy to hear about it

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2 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

thanks tim
you've helped me so much in this already, i appreciate all you've done
Michael Sir and you make a wonderful team, makes my hear happy to hear about it

you need to look after you ... not always put yourself aside for your family or friends ... if you can't you need to just say so. Anyone who loves you will listen and understand.

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On 7/18/2019 at 12:14 PM, Wayne Gray said:

You asked above what we do for our own self-care... and I'll tell you a few things I do.

* I listen to music.  I mean, really listen.  I allow myself a quiet time and place to do it, so that it's not just in the background.  I listen to the words, let the melody infect my mind, and ride along with the joy or pain of the singer.  It helps.
* I work out.  When you think about it, working out and ensuring our bodies are in good condition is a gift to both yourself and to those who love you.  It also releases endorphins, and later you will see results from that work if you are consistent.
* I read, I write, I consume media that I enjoy.  Though, that doesn't include much TV.  I find too much negativity there, and I avoid it.
* I eat foods I enjoy.  Sweets are truly a treat, because I don't eat them all the time.  But when I do, I don't feel guilty.
* I schedule hot tub sessions as rewards for being consistent with my workouts.  I also plan to do the same with massages.  That reminds me, I need to call my masseur!

Mostly, it just setting aside the time.  You have to do that.  You're worth allotting time to be your best.  Those who love you want to see that version, and so do you.  Don't put off caring about your needs - they're important.

I'm glad you're on the path to getting back to "you".  Good job, taking that first step.

i'm so glad you made all these suggestions Wayne! i actually sat down with my Spotify play list and started being more selective after reading your number one
thanks for all the suggestions

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On 7/18/2019 at 5:53 PM, Fae Briona said:

For me it's quiet time away from everyone else in order to really relax and recharge. The ex (the lying b---- before C came into my life) never really understood my need for that.

My problem is putting myself out in into  a public setting, with lots of people - especially people I don't know. I could -- and have -- disappear into my house for days and never see or speak with anyone else. That takes the "quiet time" to a bit of an extreme, and I know I need to do better.

i live in a house full on introvert types, so i'm familiar with the need to be quiet and recharge
and i too can take it to the extreme, i just kind of close myself off
thanks for reading and for your comments Fae

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For me, self care means making time to read and to write and exercise. It means telling the menagerie of beasts that roar and growl within to be quiet for a while. Thanks for initiating this conversation. 

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7 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

For me, self care means making time to read and to write and exercise. It means telling the menagerie of beasts that roar and growl within to be quiet for a while. Thanks for initiating this conversation. 

thanks Parker!
those voices can be so loud they drown out reality, can't they?
i'm amazed at how many people mentioned exercise, i may have to revisit that one, do more than just "get my steps in"
to your comment about initiating the conversation, i figured if it was bothering me, i was sure someone else was struggling with it, and i knew that the community here would have solid suggestions
 

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