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DEAD is not a Better Place

mollyhousemouse

Entry posted by mollyhousemouse

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i’m angry and hurt, and need to get this off my chest.

People will tell you that death is a part of life, it’s all part of the circle of life. 

Well, they’re full of crap.

Death is death. And it sucks. Doesn’t matter who it is, if you lose someone you love, it sucks.

Like Great Aunt Betty, the one who would sneak you that candy you loved at the family reunion—it’s a loss and it hurts.
A nephew with leukemia—hurts like a punch to the gut. A nephew was hit by a car, while he was in the crosswalk? Almost unbearable pain.

Very recently, a few people i know here lost family members. It was hard for them. They were both sudden. Not that having advanced warning for an impending death, makes it any easier. i mean, we all know those stories; Uncle Frank diagnosed with whatever, so everyone starts “preparing” that he’ll pass soon.  Nope, doesn’t help to have that time to what, wrap your mind around it? No, don’t think so. Loss is hard, nothing really makes it easier.

i have had two losses in as many weeks. My family is shattered. My brother and sister both have lost sons. One niece has lost her big brother, another niece and nephew have lost a cousin and a brother.

my own youngest son will have to attend his third memorial for a peer. A peer, someone his own age, not for an elderly relative, but a person in their prime.

Of my sister’s step son, someone  said, “He’s in a better place.” Hell, he was in a pretty good place! Good job, a beautiful wife, and the most adorable 3-year-old son.

They said similar things about my brother’s son.  He died in an accident on his very first day at university.

His. Very. First. Day. 

He was 19. He was in a very good place already.

i’m angry, hurt, all of those things. Grief is very different for everyone, and that’s ok.

Right now, i’m stuck in anger and hurt.

i need to work past this, a little anyway, since i’m going to have to be the big sister, the oldest child, next week and do all the social niceties.

Go hug someone and let them know you love them.

 

 

thanks  @Mikiesboy you are the best 

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Mikiesboy

Mikiesboy 143,868

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I knew about some of this .. and i still don't know what to say. It's so very hard. Sometimes words are just not enough. I am sorry for your pain ... for all the pain to your family and friends.  You are so very strong, yet if i could i would take some of this from you. Much love to you all. xoxo

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Kitt

Kitt 46,144

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:hug:

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MichaelS36

MichaelS36 25,652

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Nineteen. Dear god. tim was upset the night you told him .. so I know of this also. I know what is coming this week. You will get through this, girl. For your family's sake and yours. I also know your eldest will be with you. Count on him as he does you. All our love is with you at this sad time. 

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Wayne Gray

Wayne Gray 41,735

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I'm so sad for you and your family, molly.  You're right - loss sucks.  It just hurts, and now is the time to lean on those you love.

If you need anything that your friends here can provide, ask it.

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Reader1810

Reader1810 52,129

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They really are no adequate words. Sometimes, life just really sucks. :hug: 

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Parker Owens

Parker Owens 61,809

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I’m so very sorry, molly. I weep for these losses, and for your hurts. 

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Brayon

Brayon 40,934

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molly, I am so sorry to hear about the loss you and your family is going through. My prayers for you and your family.

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Defiance19

Defiance19 28,484

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molly... :hug:I am so very sorry for the pain you and your family are feeling right now.  I hope you find comfort and strength in each other. I’m thinking of you and sending you good thoughts. 

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mollyhousemouse

mollyhousemouse 52,068

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1 hour ago, Mikiesboy said:

I knew about some of this .. and i still don't know what to say. It's so very hard. Sometimes words are just not enough. I am sorry for your pain ... for all the pain to your family and friends.  You are so very strong, yet if i could i would take some of this from you. Much love to you all. xoxo

thank you tim, you've been so wonderful to listen to me rant and rave
it's meant so much, more than i have words to tell you xoxo

Edited by mollyhousemouse
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mollyhousemouse

mollyhousemouse 52,068

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1 hour ago, Kitt said:

:hug:

:hug:

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mollyhousemouse

mollyhousemouse 52,068

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1 hour ago, MichaelS36 said:

Nineteen. Dear god. tim was upset the night you told him .. so I know of this also. I know what is coming this week. You will get through this, girl. For your family's sake and yours. I also know your eldest will be with you. Count on him as he does you. All our love is with you at this sad time. 

yes Sir, 13 days younger than the twins, thanks to You and tim for everything
yes, Number One Son is going. Phil's employer doesn't extend bereavement leave when it's nephew and He has no more vacation days to take

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mollyhousemouse

mollyhousemouse 52,068

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1 hour ago, Wayne Gray said:

I'm so sad for you and your family, molly.  You're right - loss sucks.  It just hurts, and now is the time to lean on those you love.

If you need anything that your friends here can provide, ask it.

thanks Wayne
some of that music you shared recently has helped, as has the normalcy of just being here with all y'all

 

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mollyhousemouse

mollyhousemouse 52,068

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54 minutes ago, Reader1810 said:

They really are no adequate words. Sometimes, life just really sucks. :hug: 

agreed Reader, agreed
:hug:

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mollyhousemouse

mollyhousemouse 52,068

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52 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

I’m so very sorry, molly. I weep for these losses, and for your hurts. 

thank you Parker
 

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mollyhousemouse

mollyhousemouse 52,068

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52 minutes ago, Brayon said:

molly, I am so sorry to hear about the loss you and your family is going through. My prayers for you and your family.

thanks A
it's very much appreciated

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mollyhousemouse

mollyhousemouse 52,068

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44 minutes ago, Defiance19 said:

molly... :hug:I am so very sorry for the pain you and your family are feeling right now.  I hope you find comfort and strength in each other. I’m thinking of you and sending you good thoughts. 

thank you Def
:hug:💔

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MichaelS36

MichaelS36 25,652

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3 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

yes Sir, 13 days younger than the twins, thanks to You and tim for everything
yes, Number One Son is going. Phil's employer doesn't extend bereavement leave when it's nephew and He has no more vacation days to take

I have no doubt Phil would be there with you, if there was anyway for him to be. 

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rickproehl

rickproehl 11,876

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molly 

I’m so sorry on your loss. I do know the rage you are feeling as that I just went thru this  same lost. Death is never easy on anyone. When the death comes by accident or by there own hands you have no closure. molly the worse thing is that people stop talking about the ones that died they never speak of them again . It’s like one day they are here and the next day they are gone. It’s not good to keep that all bottled up. Lean on you family, friends. Please know that anyone of us in DiC would take this loss for you so you could get thru this. 

molly anyone of us are there for you if you need to vent or need a friendly ear. So molly know this you never walk alone there is always someone close by and please know it’s ok to cry. 

Stay strong molly 

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mollyhousemouse

mollyhousemouse 52,068

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58 minutes ago, rickproehl said:

molly 

I’m so sorry on your loss. I do know the rage you are feeling as that I just went thru this  same lost. Death is never easy on anyone. When the death comes by accident or by there own hands you have no closure. molly the worse thing is that people stop talking about the ones that died they never speak of them again . It’s like one day they are here and the next day they are gone. It’s not good to keep that all bottled up. Lean on you family, friends. Please know that anyone of us in DiC would take this loss for you so you could get thru this. 

molly anyone of us are there for you if you need to vent or need a friendly ear. So molly know this you never walk alone there is always someone close by and please know it’s ok to cry. 

Stay strong molly 

thanks rick
knowing i can always come here, well that's really been a good thing, it's my safe place
you stay strong too rick
 

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rickproehl

rickproehl 11,876

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47 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

thanks rick
knowing i can always come here, well that's really been a good thing, it's my safe place
you stay strong too rick
 

molly having friends in DiC have also helped me thru my struggles so you stay safe molly 

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Carlos Hazday

Carlos Hazday 115,509

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:hug:

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mollyhousemouse

mollyhousemouse 52,068

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5 hours ago, Carlos Hazday said:

:hug:

thanks Carlos :hug:

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MacGreg

MacGreg 39,552

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Oh molly... everything about this is absolute shit. Saying that someone is in a better place after they're dead - whether from an illness or an accident - is a hollow, useless sentiment that comforts no one. Yet, you're expected to nod your head in agreement and move on from the loss. Meanwhile, the resentment lingers. I'm very sorry you and your family are facing these tragedies. Feel what you feel, in the way that comforts you, and don't let others tell you everything is fine. Sending a tight hug your way, girl.

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mollyhousemouse

mollyhousemouse 52,068

Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, MacGreg said:

Oh molly... everything about this is absolute shit. Saying that someone is in a better place after they're dead - whether from an illness or an accident - is a hollow, useless sentiment that comforts no one. Yet, you're expected to nod your head in agreement and move on from the loss. Meanwhile, the resentment lingers. I'm very sorry you and your family are facing these tragedies. Feel what you feel, in the way that comforts you, and don't let others tell you everything is fine. Sending a tight hug your way, girl.

thank You Sir
i'll be doing my best to leave the anger here when i go to Colorado
 

Edited by mollyhousemouse
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