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CONFUSED!

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Danny

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Hmm...yesterday night I attended a prom. The prom was for my old school that I had attended a couple of years ago, and 8 people told me to come as their date... :D I was very flattered, but I refused. Until one of my best friends (a guy) asked me to go as a "guest" of his and that's when I agreed.

 

The prom started with a very CRAPPY dinner. Plastic chicken, carpet fish, and stone steak. (the prom cost $40 to attend mind you)...then the dinner was followed by the prom court as well as awards and games...

 

THen the real fun started. THe lights dimmed and the DJ started the party/dance session with Chris Brown's "Run It" which is definetely one of my favorite clubbing songs. TO my dismay, most of the girls that I wanted to dance with, were in need of taking pictures of themselves...(god I don't get why girls do that)...so I ended up walking up to the dance floor, ALONE, and joining the 15 people that started dancing. As I started to dance, I looked around the ballroom, locking eyes with my first true "love." I think it was love...anyway, when we locked eyes, he stared for a bit, but turned away, but for that split second of eye contant, I felt that connection I had discovered long ago...

 

**************

 

A LITTLE HISTORY!

 

THis friend was a teammate of mines in intermediate basketball and volleyball (before I switched schools). He was a jock, with a jock-build (but more skinny than muscular) and had the most beautiful face I could ever imagine. THe weird thing was, he hung out with the "popular" jocks of the school, who were all asswipes and well Assfaces (like Jame in Dom's WT). They were disgustingly snobby and cruel to those below them in the social status pyramid (luckily I was an "in-crowd" :blink: ), but HE, let's call him Joe, WASN'T. He wasn't anything like them. He was actually very soft-spoken (but had a such a soothing voice), he was very shy in his body-language. He was considerate of others (and back in Intermediate, i had a lot of baby-fat on me...but he was the only one who did not make jokes about it).

 

So anyway, fastforward to 8th grade where Joe's younger brother gets accepted into our school. We become friends quick, and we both go partying together a lot. THen when i switched schools in 9th grade, I started to work out my body and lost all my fat and gained lots of muscle. At the same time, Joe's brother did this as well. So we became two "hot" guys who always hung out together. Although I hung out with Joe's brother 24/7, I never saw Joe. WHich irritated me...but I figured it was good. I had gotten over my "love-sick" spell and didn't want to go back into my old habbits.

 

*****************

 

No I was there grooving on the dance floor, staring him straight in the eyes. He turned away, but kept on staring back at me. Those feelings I can't really describe, maybe like when your stomach feels like it's upside down, came back. I would call these feelings butterflies.

 

ANYWAY, the girls came back from taking pictures and started to dance around me. (Yes, it is kind of gross, but we started freaking like animals...thank god I'm...gay...because I would've had a huge hard-on). He started staring at me, but quickly turned away once he saw me dancing.

 

He actually walked towards the exit of the ballroom at a brisk pace...and I didn't notice until the outside lights hit me, that I had matched his walk, pace for pace. I quickly caught up to him in the bathroom where he was cooling himself with some water.

 

He looked up at me and nodded. (those type of "macho-i'm-a-straight-guy nods") and I nodded back. He then said to me, "You look good."

 

He actually said this to me...and well I was so flustered I said, "you are,"....lmfao....I then corrected myself and said, "you too." and it was then, RIGHT THERE, that I thought I would be receiving my first kiss...I just could feel it...his face was 3 feet away from mines and I could just some sort of spark between us...but that's when he said, "well...I'm going to go back now,"....and walked out of the bathroom. I almost cried! :(

 

*****************

 

After this incident, I was hurt/angry, so I did what most teenagers would do...try to make him jealous...

 

Joe was dancing with his group of friends (well...he was just swaying...like I said, he's kind of reserved...not reserved...but calm) and so I asked this senior to dance with me, and so I pulled her arm towards where Joe was dancing and started to freak her. He immediately saw me (as did the 30 people surround me) and I saw him leave the dance floor...I felt horrible after I had accomplished my goal...but when he came back with one of my closests friends and started freaking her, I told myself it was on.

 

It was stupid...yes I know...but I acted like what I was: an impulsive, hormone-raging teenager.

 

So I wasted the stupid dance just trying to top his freaks with mine (everyone was surprised that JOe was freaking...because he was so...it didn't fit him) and when it came to the second-to-the-last song, I stopped, because I couldn't do it anymore. Then I walked over to Joe and pulled him out of his freak and asked him, "Hey, do you want to hang out later?" He was surprised and started studdering all over the place..it was so cute. THen he said he had plans with his friends and reminded me I also had plans with HIS brother that night... SO he left me with those words and walked up to his date, dancing the "last-dance" with her.

 

I sat down, and well...felt like shit. This was my one chance to really show the only guy I had ever truly loved (not lusted) in my life, that I had these feelings...but I couldn't.

 

******************

 

MY DILEMMA!

 

I need help figuring out if he's gay or into me...Could you guys help me?

 

Here are the "hints" that I have accumalated over the past years (YES, I WAS OBSESSED WITH HIM!)

 

1) in basketball during our defensive drills, he would always ask to be my partner and when he defended, he grinded his but up against my...frontal...area...with lots of force. LIKE GRINDING IT HARD...(making me hard as well).

 

2) Whenever I see him (although it is rare) he always compliments me. "Nice job patrick. You play the violin really beautifully" or "Patrick, great D" followed with a butt-slap.

 

3) Whenever I hung out with his brother, he would stay distant...almost like a jealous distant...

 

4) He was always SUPER shy around me, and really studdered or mixed up words when talking to me (like he was nervous)

 

5) When I went to this prom, he hadn't seen me for over 2 years (while I secretly watched him while I would pick up friends from my old school) and he kept on staring at me...obviously because I wasn't fat anymore and I actually looked muscular.

 

6) THE FREAK THING! He started freaking when I started freaking...almost trying to out-play me.

 

7) whenever I shook his hand, it would get really sweaty..lol

 

8) whenever i hugged him, he would kind of tense up, but then ease into the hug.

 

9) Whenever I hung out with his brother, he would always ask his brother about me...

 

10) He doesn't have a myspace, so he would leave comments using his brother's myspace on mine...

 

Those are the hints...the last one is kind of iffy, but I wanted to make 10.. :D

 

If you guys could help me figure out if I should come out to him or not...it would be great.

 

oOo! Another hint: He's very metrosexual. With his hair gelled EVERDAY, and with a clean-cut image...wearing quiksilver shirts that accenuate his body...

 

-Danny

 

P.S. if i do come out, I want to know if you guys think he is gay, because then he would be the first person that I come out to...and if I had to deal with coming out to my family/friends, I would actually have someone there by my side...like Owen and Aiden in DOm's TLW....

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Hey Danny! :)

 

I obviously can't say for sure (or even moderately sure <_< ), but I'd say it actually sounds fairly good. I tend to be pessimistic about the chances of someone's friend being gay and into them, but while I certainly don't want to give you any false hope, and definitely can't see the whole picture, it is possible I would say. The complicated thing is that the guy is quiet/shy/soft-spoken/reserved, whatever you want to call it. He's a "nice" guy so it's also possible he's straight and just....well nice. Here's what I think about each of the hints:

 

1) I wouldn't put much stock into personally. I mean it was basketball, there's bound to be quite a bit of backside/frontside contact.

 

2)This one sounds good, and very hopeful! But again if he's just a really nice person...

 

3) Isn't at all odd for a shy, introverted person. He probably was jealous, but it may just have been that he was jealous because you guys were having fun and he didn't know how to join in.

 

4) Well that sounds great to me! But again if he's shy he may just have been nervous from the social interaction. The key question is how composed was he when other people talked to him? Especially people you could equate to him knowing about as well as you. If he generally controlled his tongue fine ( :huh: ) when talking to other people, but seemed flustered when you were around....well that's good!

 

5)This one sounds really promising to me too! I mean if he was "checking you out" then obviously you're on the right track. However, to interject a little pragmatism into the picture, if you did look considerably different from the last time he saw you, it's also possible he was simply surprised/couldn't get over/intrigued etc.

 

6) The one definitely sounds good to me too! Especially if everyone one else was surprised by his behaviour.

 

7) Again this is like 4, he may have been nervous because he was shy OR because he was turned on.

 

8) You hugged him? Like on a regular basis? That sounds good right there!

 

9) could go either way. He may have been doing it just because he's "nice" and wanted to make sure you were doing okay, but he could have had an ulterior motive **shrugs**

 

10) Well this one actually sounds like the best to me. It could just be because I couldn't see myself doing that unless I was seriously into someone, but that seems like quite a bit of trouble to go through. Not to mention really "putting himself out there".

 

The Metro thing definitely sounds promising too!

 

You definitely shouldn't feel bad about the fact that he didn't kiss you in the bathroom. For one thing I'm really proud of the way it sounds like you handled the evening. It sounds like you were really assertive, and went after what you wanted without being pushy or outing yourself. You should definitely feel good about the way you handled things. That said, that clearly puts you in the "aggressor" role. Think back to DD when Luke was talking to Rory about why Seth hadn't kissed him; basically I'd say it would have been up to you to do the kissing. I'd also say I don't think that would have been a good idea, so it's a good thing you didn't, but you shouldn't be surprised or upset that he didn't regardless of whether or not he's gay. For someone shy and very much closeted making out in a public bathroom, even if you just get kissed, would probably be pretty teriffying; actively doing the kissing is probably all but unimaginable.

 

So anyway my opinion at this point is this: You should feel pretty good about the chances of him actually being gay and into you (but don't get your hopes too high or let that cloud your judgement into doing anything risky). You should most certainly feel good about the way you handled yourself and the situation tonight. Finally, and most importantly, you should proceed with caution, but most defintely should proceed (if you're really interested and SURE that you're ready for this). Make it a point to be his friend again. Go hang out with his brother and MAKE SURE to include Joe, insist that he joins you guys, actively interact and converse with him, get reacquainted. After the two of you are definitely buddies again, if it can be done without hurting his brother's feelings, invite him to do stuff with you, just the two of you. Or call specifically to talk to him. If you can successfully become good friends with him you'll be in a position to make a better decision about if he's into you or not. I would most strongly advise you not to do anything that would risk outting you (unless that's definitely what you want in the first place), until you're close with him again and feel pretty good about the chances that your feelings are reciprocated (or at least that he'll be accepting and supportive of you being gay). One final word of advice on the matter of becoming close friends with him again, be careful not to give the wrong hints. Don't out yourself, but don't pretend to be straight either. Try to stay neutral on sexuality issues, or be evasive (unless you get to the point where you know you're ready to start dropping hints). But just be careful what you say, if you start making comments about girls, your future wife (future "life partner" might be okay but obviously that would give you away), or kidding about not wanting affection/contact with him, then you run the risk of sending the wrong messages and having him think, "oh he's straight, and/or he's not into me"

 

Finally, and this is the most important and sadest part, remember that life isn't a book. It would be awesome if this was going to read like one of Dom's stories, but there's certainly no guarantee that'll happen. Just be careful okay? I most assuredly don't have any right to tell you this, and believe me I'm 100% in your corner about finding a great boyfriend, but right now the most important thing is that you stay safe and healthy (emotionally and physically). I want you to find someone awesome, and I don't want you to miss out on something good, but remember when you're out of high school and into the much free-er, less-constrained college world (or out living on your own) they'll be plenty of time to find a boyfriend. I'm not saying hide in the closet though, not if you're sure you're ready and you have a strong support network. I'm just saying be careful and don't rush things ;) .

 

So now that I've maybe scared you :/ let me remind you that my advice is just that, advice. I've tried to give you the best advice I can (which is why I've gone on so long with this post!), but in the end only you can make the important decisions in your life; only you can know what's right for you. If there's one thing you should do it's make sure that you live your life according to your values, priciples, and morals; and that you accept and love yourself just the way you are. Advice is good, but don't let anyone tell you how to live your life.

 

....I'm so sorry I practically wrote you a novel :mellow: . Anyway take care, be safe, be happy, be yourself, and have an awesome day! :hug:

 

Kevin

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I think Kevin said it all... Yeah what Kevin said!

 

Just be careful, though he sounds like a really cool guy. :)

 

Camy B)

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Hey kDil!

 

How're things going? Haven't heard from you in a while, I hope everythings still going good for you! :)

 

That's a complex story you told. I really don't have any good recommendations just that I want to say good luck and make sure you stay safe. ;)

 

Have a great weekend!

 

- Kaiten

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