Who W/we Are
First if I am out of bed at this god-forsaken time something is on my mind. Right now, it is the feeling I must defend who and what tim and I are, and how we live.
I likely don’t. This will likely be repetitive. But I don’t care.
Better out, than in!
I am a Dom. A Dominant man. I have a boy … who is my submissive. That does not mean only that I take the dominant role in sex. Our lifestyle is one of Dominance and submission, it is a partnership.
tim, my boy, is the most important person in my life. My role is to care for him, mentally and physically. I love and cherish the person he is. tim is submissive because it is natural for him to be. To him, I am his teacher, his lover, caregiver, I give him shelter from the storms of life. he knows he can run to me and I will protect him.
I make most of the decisions in our life. tim and I discuss things, but the ultimate choice belongs with me. My responsibility. If the truth be told, tim does not want the responsibility.
I do things, expect things that I know make him grumble mostly to himself, sometimes to his friends. That’s fine, he a human being. For example, I usually select his clothes, tell him when to get a haircut and how I want it.
Why? tim is an introvert. If left to his own devices he’d grow his hair to hide behind and wear clothes two sizes too big. he is a handsome man, I am proud of him and enjoy having him beside me, so I care how he looks. he likes that I make these decisions for him.
tim is quiet, he stammers when he’s forced to talk especially to strangers. Writing is a different thing. Writing frees his mind and makes it easier for him to communicate.
It is tim’s nature to care for others. he is empathetic, but often takes on too much of other’s hurt. Until he is hurting. His past most of you know about, the abuse he suffered during those years still haunts him. It left him with PTSD, nightmares, depression and HIV. Conflict is difficult.
Before I was diagnosed, tim worried about symptoms I was displaying. Over and over he asked me to see a doctor. I told him there was nothing to worry about. This went on for a while, until it became too much for him.
tim my quiet, beautiful husband finally raised his voice to me. Told me, didn’t ask, in no uncertain terms that if I was his Sir, his Dom that it was my responsibility to look after myself, so I could look after him.
That few minutes cost tim a lot. It was totally out of his comfort zone, not who he is at all.
In that few minutes, I was shocked, slightly angry. But then I saw, I had messed up. I had forced him to do this thing. I hadn’t paid attention.
tim saw a huge empty, black place ahead, if something happened to me. Which I never thought about. He was so afraid, he yelled at me. I went for tests, brought him with me for the results. I have diabetes. his bravery likely saved my life.
subs are brave, loving people. I am grateful for mine every day.
As a Dom what do I get out of this? I am fulfilled because I look after tim. I protect him, let him be who he is.
D/s is about control. But it is rarely loud. Our D/s scene/play is quiet. Quiet because being quiet takes control. Breathing is controlled, there is no moaning, groaning or begging. There is silence as much as possible. Sometimes sex is involved, often it is not.
Being a Dom means you are aware, flexible, you need to be able to read your sub and understand them.
Here is where things become murkier. D/s can involve S&M, bondage and other fetishes. It depends on the couple. For some those things are never part of their lives. That is why when people who have zero idea about D/s write it, they get it wrong. They do not see the interactions, do not understand the little everyday things that make us who we are.
Sex? We have sex like all Gay couples. I am a top, tim a bottom. Because I am a Dom I normally control things. Sometimes that includes allowing tim to come or not, it includes what we do, how we do it. But sometimes I let tim decide. I know he enjoys exploring my body so I let him. It’s fun for us both.
Finally, we do not choose to be what we are; we do not turn it off and on. Like being Gay, it is NOT a choice.
We simply are.
Just a little more … tim wrote this about a trip to the store .. in it he refers to me.. but it really says so much about him.
Today we went shopping you and me.
We met an older man.
He was not pretty,
but I won’t be if I live so long.
You talked to him like You do, so easily
so openly; while I stand quietly afraid
to trip over my tied tongue.
You said something about, my husband,
and he looked at each of us then.
I am so thinking, here it comes.
- me with little faith in my straight brothers -
He smiled and said: Oh, how wonderful!
And we stood, the three of us in
Best Buy, speaking of English TV
and detective shows.
As you do.