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So i have been setting on the internet all night and around 8 trav pops up outta know were on msn and starts talking to me. First let me say that i haven't talked to him since monday because i have decided that i am tired of putting effort into a friendship that is probably not even truely there, might i add i decided this while i was shopping on saturday. I mean i still talk to him, he just has to carry the conversation and make the effort to talk to me, because i give up. So anyway i was shocked when he started talking to me on messger. And so we talk about the basics and tells me why he left school early and what he had done all week, and then i told him that i <3 some song... i can't remember... and i have a kinda emo black drawn out heart to pop up when ever i type that and he is like that is so cool, and i told him that i got it from this goth girl from canada that i started talking to on the net, that he introduced me to might i add. And he said that she hated him, and so naturally i asked him why and he said cause he asked her why she was goth, which she cussed him out for. So anyway, i told him that he was always supposed to compliment a girl on her best feature, may it be something about her looks or maybe about her personality. And then he asks me for more advise about what girls like and so i basically told him what all i would like in a guy... though i said that it was what a girl would want. So yeah... i want him to get hooked up with some one. But then he reveals to me that he has never truely been in "like" with anyone, and i was totally shocked... he then proceeded to tell me that there was slim pickings at our school. If he were only gay, then i could show him what kind of love him could have... *sighs*


Anyway i am still depressed and trav and mine little chat only worsened it. Anyway brandi gave me an idea, though she don't know it, see there is this boy she likes and he likes her back, they like hang out all the time... the only reason they are not dating is because her mom won't let her date him... it is a total modern day romeo and juliet, because her mom dont like his family. And so she said that she was just gonna try not and talk to him any over the summer that way when school started back they would have driffted appart and not really want to hang out or anything anymore. And i was like LIGHT BULB!!!! i have now decided that over the summer i shall just not talk to trav, let us drift appart... this would help me get over him... and the way that i feel about our friendship right now it wouldnt be that bad either... so over the next three months travs name will probably slowly dissapear from my blogs.


This also reminds me... during our little chat earlier i told him that i had feelings, and that they got hurt easily and that it was ok for guys to have feelings and he responds by going "Well duh... i have feelings to man... i know what it feels like to be hurt and to just want to be left alone with the pain." I was like damn... i didnt know that he felt that way... but i didnt tell him that. But still plan on drifting away from him over the course of the summer.


But on a happier note... i get to try for my license on monday!!!! YAY!!!! WOOT WOOT!!!! WHAT!?!?!?!?!?! i am excited, i think i will do really good, the only thing i am worried about is about hitting the curb during the parrallel parking part, because i hit it more than i dont hit it.


Anyway that is how my life is at the moment... again thanks for leaving you two sense... i love it! Keep on commenting be-yotches!!!!


Song for the Blog: Not ReadyTo Make Nice - Dixie Chicks


(cause it is a sad sad story that mothers teach their daughters to hate total strangers)


later ~ nick :read:


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Aw Hugs Nick. Is it really what you want to not be friends with Trav?

Dixie Chick new song rocks.

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James is completely right!


I'm sorry stuff's rough right now with Trav. I hope this is the decision that you really want. Take care and feel better,




BTW, I never had to parallel park when I was taking my driving test. Then I never tried it for years, it just wasn't really necessary. Anyway one day I was running really late for class and I saw this great spot in front of the building that was a parallel. I briefly thought, "wait a min. you've never done this." then I looked at the clock and thought, "But I will!". And I did :2thumbs: Anyway moral of the story, you'll be able to do it when you really need to (like on the test ;) ). Good Luck

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Nick, I think it would be a really bad idea to let Trav drift like that. We've talked about this a lot. He's your best friend, and you're his ... you can be his best friend, have a wonderful relationship with him, and still get over your feelings for him. From what you told me earlier tonight, he sounds like a really good guy who cares about you a lot, and I bet it would hurt him a lot if you were to start drifting away.


I've had crushes on straight boys before, and I've always managed to maintain my friendships with them. Admitting to them that I am gay actually helped our relationships in each case, and made it easier. We actually became *more* comfortable and affectionate around each other, and although my attraction for them was still there, it didn't hurt like it did before. But I know you can't do that with Trav ... but you still can't just drop him. You can deal with your feelings (and vent to us if you need to) while at the same time maintaining a good, close friendship with him.


At any rate, I really hope you'll reconsider your decision. You don't want to hurt someone you care about so much, do you?





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It is tough being gay/bi in today's America- but it was infinitely nastier just a generation ago- maybe that can be some consolation as we struggle through our lives. Don't totally give up on Trav- if he's never been in "like" with a girl, there is still a chance he will accept a gay/bi orientation for himself... people are still making up their minds at your age. It is possible that he doesn't "want" to be gay, and is keeping a distance in an attempt to deny his feelings- don't totally give up hope....


hang in there dude



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