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To Straight Guys: Stop Acting Gay


shadows

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Okay, okay, so I know there's the metrosexual phenomenon. And you can argue that it's not really a phenomenon so much as it is a reoccurrence of the dandy/pretty boy persona. And people tended to get it mixed up with the effeminate gay guy and there were problems as metrosexuals and gay males everywhere said "I'm not like that!" And so confusion reigned, but those who cared to know could figure out who was what fairly easily.

 

But now... now it's all one big muddled confusion. At least in my life. I went to a dance today. I spent more time dancing with females than did some of the ostensibly straight males. Actually, a lot more time. Now, I'm sure everyone is used to the ostensibly homoerotic grinding that guys will do as a joke on the dance floor. Okay... now imagine several guys pretty much not leaving each other sides for two and half hours. Hanging out... yes. But also dancing together. You know it's bad when I felt like emulating the nuns and screaming "Leave room for Christ!" And I'm near certain they're straight. Or at least I was.

 

Or how about the fact every single one of my guy friends suddenly wants to start hugging me? Okay, I know I'm attractive... but I'm not that irresistble. (The previous comment was tongue in cheek, I swear). And my personal space is sacrosanct. Unless you're really hot.

 

I've long since ignored the back massages, shoulder rubs and clothes straightening the Koreans do for each other in class. I chalk it up to cultural differences and leave it at that. But, to my fellow Americans, touching in certain areas is best left to girls on your own time or leave it in the locker room, and should not be in front of your friends... or the entire school for that matter.

 

I know I'm leaving things out, if anyone else has noticed anything, please feel free to let me know. Of course, if this leads to a surge of male "bisexuality" a la the female trend I'm sure all will be forgiven. Immediately and very personally.

 

//shadows

 

P.S. Could the most macho of the male straights please stop wearing pink? Please?

 

P.P.S. I think my friend from Thailand may have been hitting on me tonight. Either that or it's more cultural stuff. He's "equal-opportunity" in regards to hitting on people he was also doing the same things to his prom date. He's heading to a Philadelphia College too though which is cool. We might see each other and actually remain in contact.

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Maybe it's just because you're so hot that you're turning them all gay? lol :wub:

 

As I've told you before, though, Asians are much, much more touchy-feely than Americans, especially younger ones. Personal boundaries do not exist for the most part in Asian societies, due in large part to over-crowding, and its just become part of the culture.

 

The concept of "sexual orientation" itself in America has become such a gray area over the past decade or so as well. I've recommended the book The New Gay Teenager (Princeton University Press, 2005) many times before, because it goes into detail about this phenomenon. It's definitely worth checking out. Basically, what used to be as simple as "gay," "straight," and even "bi" has now been pretty much tossed out the window (or is at least closed to being tossed out, once us older queens completely die off and you youngins take over).

 

So ... don't stress, relax, have fun, and flirt back with the hot "not-so-straight" straight boys. It might not be that easy if you were confused about your own sexuality, but you're not. So just go with the flow (might want to read some stuff on Taoist philosophy for that concept) and ENJOY all the good, mushy, touchy-feely vibes being tossed about ... and I hope that didn't sound too sixties-ish! lol :P

 

*Hugz & Kisses*

 

Buddha

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While one of the most popular academic concepts at my school is gender identity (one of Macalester's geekier catchphrases is "Stop gendering me!"), and while I agree in large part with those who seek to abandon the traditional gender roles, I must say you have a point.

 

It can be excruciating having your head spun around while you try to figure out what vibes guys are trying (or not trying) to send out.

 

I generally don't go for the "metro" guys because they're too...I dunno, pretty? And impossible to read. Eye candy aside, they're just far too confusing for me to go after...unless they start chasing after me :lmao:

 

Rob

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Guest Kitty

Posted

The concept of "sexual orientation" itself in America has become such a gray area over the past decade or so as well. I've recommended the book The New Gay Teenager (Princeton University Press, 2005) many times before, because it goes into detail about this phenomenon. It's definitely worth checking out. Basically, what used to be as simple as "gay," "straight," and even "bi" has now been pretty much tossed out the window (or is at least closed to being tossed out, once us older queens completely die off and you youngins take over ).

:huh:

 

David, you won't be an old(er) queen for another two years yet. ;):rolleyes::D

 

Kitty

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in general messing around with a straight guy is a can of worms not worth opening.

They can't be entirely straight if they're messing around.

 

I really go for the whole concept that we're all a little bisexual.

I absolutely agree.

 

The Metrosexual label is just a convenient way for men to be able to use skin care products, scent rather than aftershave, and generally look after themselves without worrying about people thinking 'things'.

 

David (LittleBuddha), you won't be an old(er) queen for another two years yet.

So ... you become an 'Old Queen' at thirty? Damn. ;) I'll have to buy a tiara to go with the ball gown.

 

Camy B)

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I'm not trying to argue here, I'm genuinely curious: WHY is this a problem??

 

I'd have assumed that the whole "metro-sexual" thing was actually a big plus regarding gay acceptance? I've seen straight guys dancing with each other before, mainly in Europe, and I thought it was great!

 

Shadows, wouldn't this make it easier for you to dance with a guy without being out?

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Okay, okay, so I know there's the metrosexual phenomena. And you can argue that it's not really a phenomena

 

Pardon my pickiness, but the singular is "phenomenon." The plural of the word is "phenomena."

 

It's the sort of error that you may not want to keep making as you go on through school.

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LB: My dad went to Woodstock. I don't need to think of the sixties. *shudder* That random note aside, yeah I do enjoy it but it also saddens me in some inexplicable way. I suppose it's the mockery, however unintentional that gets to me. For them it's just entertainment or a way of shocking people or on a less complex level "fun." For me it would be more, and to participate in something like that would be dishonest. Plus, when I do come out, how do you think it would make people feel if I'd been taking advantage of them like that? Yeah, it's consensual but is it informed?

 

I've been wanting to read that book you mentioned since I saw it mentioned in Time Magazine (I think that's where I saw it). It's Harvard University Press btw for anyone else who's looking for it. My library doesn't have a copy and I'm a bit iffy on requesting it. I'd rather just wait to read it until college (Haverford has copies readily available).

 

Icedfire

 

Yeah, Macalester... it's a pity I didn't know you when I was going up there iced otherwise I would've tried to have found you. Yay for liberal arts schools :P

 

And I must say I agree with your statement on metrosexuals.

 

Friendly, if I tried to get my friends drunk to take advantage of them the reverse would probably happen. I might agree with you that on a physical level everyone's bisexual but mental conditioning has a lot to do with it too. Mess with the wrong "straight" guy and at best your morning will be awkward. That's why I want to move to Thailand, according to the Thai friend everyone there is "at least bisexual." Six months after the fact I'm left wondering if that was an opening... hmm.

 

Camy,

 

Tiaras are expensive and the tend to muss the hair. Go for a tasteful necklace or better yet spend the money on a harem. (or whatever the male version is).

 

C James,

 

This is a problem because it wreaks havoc with me mentally. I see others out there doing what I'd like to do, all the while knowing that if there was anything serious about it they'd probably not be in school on Monday. It's like having your nose pressed up against the glass of a bakery window watching someone else eat cookies that they don't even really like. You on the other hand want those cookies more than anything else in the world...

 

It's bad because I feel dishonest knowing that every time I hug someone I'm left wondering would they even touch me if they knew who I really was? At the same time it's a tantalzing reminder that there's so much more. Everytime I hug a guy I'm reminded of the NARTH therapy that allows guys to hug other guys.

 

Glomph,

 

I'm sorry. I don't tend to put that much effort into correcting my grammar and punctuation on this blog. It's more a way to vent my feelings/ideas. That said, errors like that bother me so thank you for pointing that out. In a school assignment an error like that never would have made it past a rough draft.

 

//shadows

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C James,

 

This is a problem because it wreaks havoc with me mentally. I see others out there doing what I'd like to do, all the while knowing that if there was anything serious about it they'd probably not be in school on Monday. It's like having your nose pressed up against the glass of a bakery window watching someone else eat cookies that they don't even really like. You on the other hand want those cookies more than anything else in the world...

 

It's bad because I feel dishonest knowing that every time I hug someone I'm left wondering would they even touch me if they knew who I really was? At the same time it's a tantalizing reminder that there's so much more. Everytime I hug a guy I'm reminded of the NARTH therapy that allows guys to hug other guys.

 

Ahhhh! I guess I don't pick up on mental stresses too well (perhaps due to my insanity?).

 

I see what you mean... But, looking at it another way, why can't you do the same things they are? You wouldn't be outing yourself if you did the same things the straight guys are doing?

 

I do see what you mean about the hugging though.. I'm very uncomfortable being hugged myself, especially if it's by a guy who doesn't know my orientation.

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the Metro-sexual thing is just a bunch of desperate str8 guys who think if they are sensitive, well groomed and act nelly that girls/women will like them.

 

Frankly, they are all wet. The reason the gals like us gay guys is that we don't put any sexual pressure on them while the str8 guys treat them like sir-loin.

 

Once the str8/metro-sexuals discover that this juvenile ploy doesn't work, I predict that we'll see an end to this odious and confusing fad.

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James, your comment is why traditionally most straight males are so afraid/disgusted/abusive when their gay friends 'come out'. The automatically assume you're going to think about guys the way they think about girls...and it scares them (what this says about how our society treats women...well let's not go there right now, shall we?)

 

Shadows, your comment about NARTH and the 'hugging' makes me wonder...have anti-gay preachers started telling their little straight boys that if they hug enough other guys they won't turn gay?

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James, your comment is why traditionally most straight males are so afraid/disgusted/abusive when their gay friends 'come out'. The automatically assume you're going to think about guys the way they think about girls...and it scares them (what this says about how our society treats women...well let's not go there right now, shall we?)

 

Lots of Str8 guys are the worst sort of horn dogs. If you are out for any length of time, don't be surprised if they "hump your leg" thinking that they are doing you a great big favor. :o Run... and then barf.

 

If they expect gay guys to be so gross, I'm happy to disappoint them. :rolleyes:

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