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...I guess we're only human

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So...I know I still owe some people a blog about my birthday week, I'll get to that I promise just give me a little time :D


But yeah, I guess I'm just blogging to partly kill some time until my bf gets home, but also to get a few things out there. So...last night was a bad night for me. I went out with seb and some friends and we went drinking and dancing. And I had a good time, we both did. Anyway, after we'd been home for a little bit and seb was asleep, I was online and I started feeling pretty down, and more or less ended up spewing my guts to someone I was talking to with the result of them getting very concerned. At their suggestion (well, more like an order) I woke seb up at like 4am. I more or less had word vomit and told him all the bad feelings I had, which isn't something I do very often. I'm Ben, I'm always fine, more spring than Zebedee...but sometimes the bad feelings get a little much and they come out. In the past, well, until now really...I've always just tried to stuff those bad feelings into a box at the back of my mind, and then they'd just overflow sometimes. Obviously, this isn't a very successful plan, considering that all that last night achieved was to freak out a lot of people that I care about (and make my bf start smoking again :( ) so I think I need a new plan. Seb wants me to consider seeing a councillor...councellor...w/e lol. I'm seriously thinking about it because well...somethings I guess need a professional to deal with. I don't really know where these bad feelings come from, as someone reminded me, I have a good life, I should be enjoying it, and I need to figure out why part of my brain is sabotaging that. Which again is I guess where the councelor would come into it.


Also we talked about my slightly odd food obsession. He's going to be cooking more often and he thinks I should keep a food diary because I have these weird phases where I won't eat certain things and where I skip meals and I weigh myself like twice a day...I've been avoiding the issue for a while, but in all the talking last night we talked about that too. So I don't know what to do about that really, other than try and eat sensibly, I think maybe I need to read about it, because I don't want to eat bad foods, not for like the weight thing but I guess to be healthier. I think maybe if I eat healthier foods my body will appreciate the nutrients and all that...


Anyway, that's all really rambly and I guess the point of it was to say that I guess I had a bit of a wake up call, y'know like that feeling when you almost fall over but don't? But you still feel odd? Well I suppose I feel a bit like that today. I scared myself, as well as some people that I care a lot about. So, apologies to those people, even those that don't want them ;) and more importantly many many thanks to them for making me see what I should have all along, that people care. I'm feeling a lot better though, so anyone that was worrying can worry a little less because my bf's taking care of me, and I'm letting him, and my best friend's looking out for me too...I think if I let them help me, and take a chance of some professional help I just might be ok. I'm feeling optimistic. :D


Take care and be good all.


Ben xxx

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There are many of us here for you if you need to talk. Don't be afraid to 'burden' us.


Take Care,



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:) you know what i think about most these things already so will just :hug: you and say I am here for you as is everyone else. :D and Seb is great, still think you should convince him to come cook for me :P



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yes u realy need to tell us bout ur birthday weekend..BUt im here if u need to talk im really great at listening ( so im told) haha i have wierd cravings too.. i also tend to skip means.. i just avoid the weighing myself cuz i already think im fat lol :P glad u had fun tho till u started thinkin bout things :( if u need me hit me up on msn .. :D:hug:



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Also if you don't feel like talking to anybody, which who would blame you? Sometimes a person just needs to be left alone. Anyways there are other things you can do that are good stress releivers, suc has writing, going for a run, or just listening to music and singing.


I don't know the problems, so maybe you do need a *counselor* hehe but I hope everything works out for you, and I envy your healthy eating :ph34r:

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'Therapist' is much easier to spell. Although, since you're British, there is probably a 'u' in there I am unaware of. :D You worry me with the wierd eating thing, but that's the Mom coming out so you'll have to cut me some slack. Good nutrition is very important to your overall well being. Do what you need to do, for you. And to make you smile, check out my new signature. 0:)



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I'm very proud of you for talking to Seb and making such an important first step. Admitting that you need help is the most difficult part of the whole healing process ... so I really am proud of you! :D


I'm glad you're feeling better, too! And like Vic said, don't be afraid to 'burden' us ... we're always here for you, just like you'd be there for us if we needed you. That's what friends are for (to quote that Dionna Warwick song from the eighties ... hehe)





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