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Back in the day...


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So, last night Seb and I went out with a couple of friends. It was a really good night, and we all got pretty drunk. When we got home seb more or less just passed out, which wasn't good, because I'm a horny drunk, lol :*) Anyway, I was online last night when drunk, lol, must have talked to a few of you, I hope I wasn't obnoxious, many apologies if I was.Anyway, today Seb was feeling a little delicate, poor him, so I looked after him, and cleaned. That's about all I did this morning, how fun am I? :D This afternoon was really the best part of my day. So seb was still feeling really tired and went to lie down, and I decided to rearrange our desk so I'd at least be in the same room. So we were just chatting while I sorted through things, and I found this note book that I remembered having like 3 years ago. Well I started flicking through it and I realised that it was a little notebook I'd used as a journal when seb and I had gone on holiday in about July 2003 so two years ago now. We'd only been together for about 5 months, and I'd only recently turned 18 and was still a little, well, very insecure and completely lacking in self esteem. It's so bizarre to read them, it feels almost like I was a different person, a lot less mature that's for sure. I've posted bits here just because in places they're really funny, and random.Saturday 19th July 2003Thankfully my passport arrived back today. I would have felt bad for Seb if we'd had to delay, he needs a holiday, he works too much, he barely had a break between uni and working more hours. I think he misses his brother more than he'll admit. [then there's some rambling about a hot flight attendant] I've been told by more than one person how telling this relationship might be about our relationship. I mean if we can't manage 2 weeks together without wanting seperate rooms, how would we manage with forever? (ooops, ignore the forever comment!!)Sunday 20th July 2003The novelty of staying on a boat is wearing off! The bed was comfy but the walls are *thin*!! Not 'that' this but thin enough that we could hear doors banging. We didn't really hear them at first but when we were trying to sleep it was annoying!...Seb said I seemed a bit pensive at times today, for now I can blame it on tiredness but I think we'll be talking soon. It's needed but not here, it's not the right place for that conversation. Still not sure what I'm going to say, I hope I'll think of something when the time comes, but here's not special enough...Mainland Europe's laidback! I love holding hands everywhere and not getting any odd looks, maybe we should try it at home?Wednesday 23rd JulyWe decided to have a busy day today. Went to Ripley's first, that's another thing I love about him, he likes all the same weird and macabre things as I do and Ripley's was full of them, although he's not as jumpy as I am, so he was being all reassuring and hand holding *heart*. I'm loving being with Seb but not sure I like this place. Here's not right for the convo either.After that the entries get less structured, lol. But it did remind me that after the night in the park that resulted in me being grass stained :*) was the day when I geve him a ring before I went away on my gap year. I was soooo nervous about giving it to him, I totally felt like I didn't have any right to ask him to wait for me to come back, and in general I just felt like he was insane for wanting to be with me at all. Anyway, I just remembered that whole day being nervous about giving him this ring I'd carted around europe with me, lol. So we started talking. I remember telling him that if he wanted me not to go away then I wouldn't, but he said that it wasn't his place to tell me what to do, and then me telling him that I didn't want to lose him 'because things this good don't happen to people like me...people like you don't happen to people like me', and him disagreeing that he was 10,000,000 times better than me. Then him telling me off for calling myself stupid, and gah, I just have this page of things he said that made me cry because, at the time I wasn't used to people saying nice things to me, and he...he blew my mind by being this amazing person that didn't think I was as worthless as I felt at the time...he still does that. He told me that he felt like someone had poisoned how I saw myself and how much he hated that. We talked about how I used to self harm, and he kissed my scars and told me I was still beautiful, and how much it hurt him to think of me doing that. I think that's been the thing that motivated me at the time, and even now, not to go back to doing that shit. I swear he came along at just the right moment to save my life, I really don't know if I would have been strong enough to get over that without him. And I have little notes about how sure I was that we'd break up, that it was an inevitability...that if we did last he'd just be settling for me.Then there's this really funny entry about how he said that he felt like he was denying me my youthful right to go off and sleep around :P I believe I responded with 'like I'd want to go off and have bad sex with random people when I could have good regular sex with you' And him telling me that he'd gladly masterbate for the year I was away if he knew I was coming back to him. When he told me he'd look after my heart forever, I decided to give him the ring then, and us both crying, and trying to decide what exactly it signified (lol, that took like 10 minutes of umming).Well...sorry for all that rambling guys, I guess I'm just enjoying reminising to myself. It's so odd to read but at the time I didn't think it was possible to love him more than I did then, but I do now, so I can only imagine how much it'll be in 2 more years and so on...And now, forever with him doesn't seem like such an unlikely thing :wub::wub::wub: Take care, and have fun!Ben

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OK, I want you and Seb on the covers of Time, Life, Newsweek..... :wub:

 

I would have said MacLean's too but that's Canadian and no one's ever heard of it.

 

Thanks for that post, Ben.

 

Hugs,

Conner :boy:

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Ben,

 

That was so beautiful. Thanks for sharing that with us! Now I know what you meant by reminiscing.

 

Take Care,

 

Vic

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Aww man you made me all warm and fuzzy inside. Thats was very sweet and personal.

Thank you for sharing it with us :wub:

 

Dave xx

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Awww bless... How cute! :2thumbs:

 

You haven't got a twin brother hiding away somewhere have you?? :P

 

As Tob said, I hope you and Seb have long wonderful lives together, and from what I've seen I'm sure you will!

 

Cheers,

Neil

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You haven't got a twin brother hiding away somewhere have you?? :P

 

The qustion is: Does SEB have a twin brother hiding, lol

 

*giggles, runs and hides from Ben*

 

Tob :ph34r:

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The qustion is: Does SEB have a twin brother hiding, lol

Hehe. I think I remember Ben mentioning something about wondering what a threesome with twins would be like so perhaps you're onto something there, Tob! ;):D:lol:

 

Cheers,

Neil

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The qustion is: Does SEB have a twin brother hiding, lol

Hehe. I think I remember Ben mentioning something about wondering what a threesome with twins would be like so perhaps you're onto something there, Tob! ;):D:lol:

 

Cheers,

Neil

I get the impression that neither Ben's nor Seb's imagination is THAT good.

 

:king: Snow Dog

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