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A lecture inside my mind! Yay!


Dio

625 views

The following is a reproduction of a lecture I just walked out of two minutes ago.

 

1hr30min remaining:

Ah! Lectures! I love lectures! I love this lecture in particular!

 

Actually, I have no idea what class this is, I was just following Phil. I think this is one of my classes. Phil? Is this my class? Okay. Phil has confirmed that this is indeed one of my classes! Time for learning! I should probably get my notebook out now.

 

1hr29min remaining:

After much bag rummaging, it appears I have forgotten my notebook, but I do have my laptop with me. This is not good. Laptops are very distracting in class. Especially this one...which I'm still not too sure what he's teaching. Ah well, I still have nine whole minutes to figure out what this class is all about! Woohoo!

 

1hr27min remaining:

Hum. Nine minutes are reaaallllly long. Phil, entertain me. Phil entertains me when I steal his pen and throw it at a girl in the front row. I think that's a girl. It might be a guy. Hard to tell. Long hair and masculine features. Boobs? Hmmm. Are those boobs? Tough call. Phil, stop crying, I didn't say it that loud.

1hr21min remaining:

I have retrieved Phil's pen. His/her name in Robin/Robyn. How asexual. That didn't help me at all. I don't suppose it would be rude to ask his/her gender? I wonder what Phil thinks.

 

Ow. You didn't have to hit me asshole.

 

1hr19min remaining:

Yay! Professor! End my boredom! Oh hey, I vaguely remember this guy. He's one of them Santa Clones, except with a beret. How francophonish of him. I want a beret.

 

1hr15min:

It appears that Santa-Clone is teaching me something about integrals. Hmmm. This appears very complex and complicated. Oh hey now, that the heck is he drawing on the board...

 

HEeeeeee! Santa-Clone makes really funky lookin' integral signs. Uh huh? Integrating over delta x? I see, I see. You know, when you take enough engineering math, these numerical method classes start to blend one into the other.

 

Wait now. Hold the fort. Dude you just put three integral signs and smushed them all together. That can't be legal. What? Triple integrals. Oh, yeah, I vaguely remember something about triple integrals from calculus. Mmmmmmm...nope. I got nothing.

 

Why do I even come to class again?

 

Oh, right. I was following Phil. This is Phil's fault. This requires divine punishment!

 

1hr14min:

I stole phil's pen again. Bwahahaha! Crap. He has a spare. Hmmm.

 

1hr 10min:

Wow, interesting lecture! So the class must be just about done now...WHAT? It's been TEN FREAKING MINUTES?!?!?!? Eghads!!! Phil!!! We're stuck in some strange time warp phenomenon! SAAAAVVEEEE MEEEEE!

 

Ow. No one heard me. Stop being violent.

 

1hr 8min:

Blech. I just caught myself head-banging. Y'know that state where you're almost asleep but not quite. Where your conscious mind keeps pulling you back from the brink everytime your head tries to nod off? This can't be good for my neck. Okay! Pay attention! This will no doubt be on the final exam.

 

1hr:

Exergy. Like energy, but spelled wrong. See, sometimes it's really hard for me okay? 'Cause professors with thick french accents confuse me. Like when he starts talking about exergy, I thought it was just some weird french pronunciation. Hmmm. Nope, Everyone else looks just as lost as I am. Time to google the term!

 

Okay! I get it now. Wikipedia is teaching more than this lecture. Exergy is just useful energy that can be used directly for work. I also learning that the exergy to energy ratio is often synonymous with a process' efficiency! Geez. Why didn't he just say that to begin with. The internet can teach me everything. Santa-Clone must die.

 

55min.

kekekekeke

 

We're calculating the volume of a yak. kekekekeke

 

Only engineers would consider the volume of a yak as the combination of a sphere, a rectangle, and four cylinders. Math is fun. I have made a doodle of what the said yak now looks like. Phil doesn't seem to find it as funny as the people in the row behind me do. -_- I wonder if I can draw other loveable creature in this manner. This requires further paper.

45min.

A guy behind me lent me more paper. Damn you Phil, who is now know as 'stingy the Phil'. You're hampering the pursuit of knowledge!

 

I made a cat, a dog, and a horse (complete with erectile tool). Somehow they're all being passed around the room now. Perhaps I shouldn't have put my artsy signature on them. Humm.

 

STOP LAUGHING AT THEM YOU CRETINS, ILL GET IN TROUBLE!

 

41min

Oh dear. Santa-Clone has confiscated my artwork. I knew I shouldn't have written my name on them. Ah, vanity. Just call me Michaelangelo. Er...Michaelangelo got executed didn't he?

 

Oh, no. Phil informs me that was Galileo I'm thinking of. Whew.

 

40min

Santa-Clone turned out to be cool. He put them up on the overhead projector. Ah, only in engineering. I will now melt in a puddle of embarrassment. Phil, stop pointing at me and gloating. I know where you live. Jerk.

 

34min.

Cam has just pointed out that this guy on the other side of the lecture hall has been staring at me for that past hour. Cam? How did Cam know this? Oh, Cam was checking him out for that past hour. Okkkaayyy. Cam is so not as straight as he claims.

 

Humm, said guy is smiling at me. Scary. Maybe he's a stalker. NO! Maybe he's a serial killer! EEK! Phil save me!

 

Seriously, stop hitting me. I was being quiet that time. I'm going to get concussed.

 

30min.

Hehehehehehe heh. heh. heh.

 

I have found new amusement in rubbing Cam's thigh suggestively. keekekeke. Wow. He's so bi. Either that or he has a banana in his pants. Bastard. You told me you were straight. I will now gossip excessively about this.

 

Hey Phil guess wha-

 

Ow. Hey! Listen to me! Bastard. Karen will hear about this misbehavior. Your girlfriend likes me better anyhow. >_>

 

28min.

Ugh. The thirty minute stretch. Go clock go! tick, toc. Tick, toc. Ho hum.

 

I wonder how many guys in this room are sprouting random boners at this very instant? Hmm. I want x-ray vision.

27min.

Owy, eye-strain. Still no x-ray vision.

25min.

Oho! I answered a question correctly from Santa-Clone! Bwahahaha! I am the master of thermodynamics! Bring on your mispronounced energy synonyms you jolly gnome! Just bring it!

24min.

Okay, I got cocky. He's deriving this crazy integral with so many variables even I can't deal with it. And I have ADD.

 

I'm hungry.

20min.

Twenty minutes left. This is like overtime though. Like anyone pays attention in class for more than twenty minutes anyways. Pah.

 

Hmm, if I had x-ray vision I could totally check if that robyn/robin guy/girl was a guy/girl. Alas!

 

19min.

Sneaking out of the middle of a row of seats making little noise is a true talent. And I have left the building! Freedom! Phil will lend me his notes. Yup, good old Phil.

 

Now Excuse me, I must run before weirdo smiling serial killer from accross the room finds me and sucks all my blood.

1 Comment


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That has got to be one of the most entertaining blogs I have read. Haha, it kinda reminds me of how antsy I get in my own lecture and I realize the time is crawling by.

 

I figured I'd leave a comment, as you had left me two already. And by the way, I was totally spewing angst. I'd never shoot a person. Not my style.

 

And I guess my life isn't so bad. Thanks for giving me some perspective, LOL. Plus, by the time the semester is over, I won't remember all this stressful crap I'm worrying about anyways.

 

I still maintain the fact that life sucks, for the time being.

 

Tiff

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