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Zarcie's Blog

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Relationships for Dumbies



So, its taken me all week to recover from the last weekend and to try and get some of my thoughts in order about what's been going on. My conclusion: I think J and I are dating. Yeah, I think.


Let's start back at where I left off in my last post.


SATURDAY: I went to see MirrorMask with J, Tracy, her siblings and her boyfriend. (Mirrormask is pretty cool by the way, if any of you are into Inde films.) After the movie we get coffee and J and I start talking about our plans to hang out the next day. We decide he'll meet me after work.


I ask," where are we going?"


J says, "I have to figure out where we're coming from first."


:blink: I'm thinking, What do you mean? You're coming from wherever and meeting me in the library parking lot. I'll already be there! , but I say, "Come on, where are we going?"


J replies rather seriously, "I still haven't had a chance to meditate on where we're coming from. I'm not sure."


For all my wonky babble, I'm a fairly straightforward person and I make the mistake of thinking that everyone else makes an effort to be that way too. I am very, very mistaken! I didn't realize J and I leaving the safe haven of our coffee shop would result in such cryptic and sudden talk about a relationship.


SUNDAY: We get dinner (and yes, he paid) etc and we talk and I bring up with fact that its nice to have a house to myself for a few days (my aunt and uncle's) but while their ok with me having people over its really too far to drive out just to watch a movie or something and I hadn't found anyone who could stay over with me. He says some things implying he would be interested (he honestly has personal reasons for not wanting to go home) and I invite him to stay the night and so we're off to my aunt and uncle's house!


I will tell you right now, absolutely NOTHING happend and its not because I said no, its because the boy didn't make a move! Picture this: sitting in the dim light of the livingroom, I'm curled up on the couch, he has his guitar and he is playing and singing for me. Not just a song he is imitating from the radio, NO! He wrote it himself! It was damn good too and I'm not just saying that. What 20yr old girl would not be completely swooning by that point?! Me apparently. And there he is, he has this mood going and not even a kiss! We go to bed in seperate rooms and bright and early the next morning I drop him off in the library parking lot where he left his car the day before and I head off to class. Oh, and we were totally spotted but the lady who saw us is pretty cool so I don't forsee any crazy rumours making their way around.


I think I've said before that I'm not that interested in a serious relationship right now. Serious being, we hang out together all the time and emotions get involved and yada yada yada. I have a lot on my plate right now (which J has already complained about) and I can't deal with one person demanding so much of my attention. I wouldn't mind having a friend with benefits situation, but I don't think J is that kind of boy. Unfortunatly, I am also too dense to realize when a friendship moves into 'dating' territory unless directly told. Yeah, it took me all week to work out the fact that yes, we are pretty much dating and I had help figuring it out.


Feelings asside, it doesn't even make sense for us to date. He's moving next year, I'm transfering possibly as soon as the winter semester. I would really, really hate to hurt J's feelings because he is really nice and I know certain people who would kill me if I did such a thing, but it looks as if some clarification might have to take place at the next opportunity unless something changes. He's going to a Halloween party with me tomorrow after I get out of work. We'll see what happens.


Thats the drama report for the week folks! I am so confused :(



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Zarcie, it sounds like you know exactly what you want and have your feet frimly planted in reality. Good for you! I would suggest that you tell him exactly what you want as far as the "friends with benefits" goes. The whole "FWB" thing is tricky though. He may agree and still get emotionally attached. You may get emotionally attached. That is a risk that may or may not be worth taking. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to handle the "FWB" situation. I would talk to him about it and make sure it is clear where you both stand. It sounds like it will be up to him to decide if he can handle not being the primary focus in your life. That is why you have to talk it over and be very clear about your position. It sounds like he is a very nice guy. I know in that living room situation I would have made an advance. But who ever accused of Han Solo being a nice guy, :lmao: Good luck in whatever decisions you two make and don't sweat the small stuff. Mag and I weren't looking for a relationship but have been together for going on ten years. You can't plan love.

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