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it seems fictional, and with each passing day it seems only so.

The Reaper


First off, thanks kevin! I actually meditated earlier and it did in fact help. I hadnt meditated in a while and it felt good to watch my thoughts meander.



today was a drag, just as any other day. nothing exciting really happens to me. although i did get a citation today for running a red i thought i could make. that was bullshit, my rents are gonna be pissed so i pretty much have 14 days to get a job and totally counteract the anger.


Im really cold right now. even though im sitting in front of a heating fan.


im also very tired once again. thank god i dont have to teach tomorrow, id kill myself lol. i think i will kill myself. my dog has her squeaky toy and wont shut up with it. ok now thats solved.


im listening to the "theme of rain" and its not half bad. makes me think of someone looking out into a field on a spring rainy day, just watching the warm air sweep the droplets off the window. Thats my ideal place.



I want to live on the edge of a small town with beautiful hills and fields in my backyard. The town can have no more than 20,000 people, and thats still a lot of people for me. I like those small towns where everyone knows everyone, everyone owns a small shop and thats how the towns economy stays in shape, where there is no crime or villains and just hardworking people making life better. It also has to be warm all year round. The ground must be green and the sky blue as a sapphire. The warm breeze must always blow the branches of the surrounding deciduous looking evergreens, and the smell of the ocean must linger in the air, that or the smell of fresh rain/dew.


Makes me almost cry to think of that. It makes me think of when i was younger. Oh how i long for those days, to be carefree and not have a worry in the world. And yeah yeah i know what all of you are thinking, "your only 16!" Yeah but i have to get a job, pay for shit, maintain good grades, look about and prepare my future etcetera etcetera. Back in elementary school, all it was was having fun. Id give anything to start over again, anything.


devil, Mr. Lucifer, you reading this? I said id give anything to do it over again, any help there bud? want my soul? Sorry, cant give you that, my buddy already has dibs on it.




none the less thats my perfect place. that is my single life long dream, is to find that place and live there forever.

it seems fictional, and with each passing day it seems only so.

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That place is probably somewhere along the Oregon Coast or maybe northern California. It's rather nice along there and the wind blows most of the time. It's hardly ever cold enough to snow, but sunny days are a rarity except in summer.



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