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A place for Poets to discuss their craft

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  1. What's new in this club
  2. Thanks, AC. I'll give it another whack later.
  3. Thanks for reading the Tanka Prompt and taking the plunge Nothing like getting your feet wet. And yes, that is a pun. With the poem itself, I wonder if too little of yourself is allowed to show. I mean, how exactly do you feel walking the sand in wintertime? Perhaps a bit relieved not to have to be out in the snow.... But I'd just say to remember Tanka are personal poems. If the sight out in nature raised an emotion in you, others may have felt it too and can relate. Please keep trying, A! There is promise here for sure.
  4. Nothing crappy about them/it. But I will start by saying you don't necessarily need each line of your poem capitalized; it's up to you how you want your verse to read. While conventionally, yes, all poetry in English was printed with caps starting each line, the convention waned in the 20th century and became a subject for artistic expression. If you want your poem to read that way, then do it. If you don't, then just capitalize the lines that start after a period, or with a proper name
  5. mmmm ... please dont say that we only learn by being brave enough to post stuff... if its not quite right.. which if you look back through this forum you will see lots of us trying to get it right.. and so they we think and do it until we get it right.
  6. Thank you, Mac. It took me a moment, but I see what you mean. I'll give it another look at.
  7. @BHopper2 I just sent you an invite, but it looks like you found your own way here. Good. So, your Tanka is great! Thank you for sharing it with us. I can feel the sand between my toes and a longing for a change of season. My only suggestion: the last line reads slightly awkward, only because it's not entirely clear who/what is dreaming of winter wonderlands - is it the sand or you?
  8. Okay... So I had to join the club in order to post... Anyways, I tried my hand at doing a Tanka again. So, here is my crappy piece: Original: No snow on the ground, winter is never that cold. The sand I walk on warmed by the sun, shifts away dreams of winter wonderlands. I was given some formating advice: No snow on the ground, Winter is never that cold; The sand I walk on Warmed by the sun, shifts away Dreams of winter wonderlands.
  9. I agree. Well worth encouraging Marty to post more
  10. Read this today: the poem is good... maybe have a look.
  11. Well, before laying out the scene in words, first focus on how the sight makes/made you feel. You are right that there is no injecting "I" in last. Your personal connection to the scene is either the reason the poem is being written, or it's not a Tanka
  12. Thank you much, AC. I think I’m understanding the ‘me’ connection, in the Tanka part. I will keep trying and trying. lol.
  13. Five very good and strong scenes for poetry, and they are nicely diverse and form a little collection. For me, No. 3 is the most striking. It offers a tense moment, but it does lack how this encounter makes the poet feel. Without that emotion, there's not much the reader can connect with, other than the intriguing sight. In the same way, No. 5 has the most of "you" in it, so I'd say it's the most successful Tanka. Please keep writing, and maybe it's best to set these ideas aside and try out some fresh concepts, focusing first on the emotion of the scene. I'm really glad you are trying out the Tanka challenge, Def. Muah!
  14. Thank you, BB.. Day off tomorrow, so I’ll sleep on it and start anew!
  15. Well, I do.. of course we do! The fact that you use ‘inflict’ doesn’t make me quake... nope, not at all. 😅
  16. I love them all, and the "me" part is the piece to this puzzle that I'm having the most trouble with too. The poem seems so nice, and then I have to inject a token "I" into it somewhere and spoil it.
  17. You've given us a great Guide and so the confidence to say what we think. So kudos, AC. And we will always need and value you and your talent.
  18. OMG, I am smiling ear to ear. It's great that you guys are all "talking Tanka" like pros. You have learned what makes one, and help each other. So I wonder, who needs me...? Hehe, only joking! I'll still inflict my opinion too
  19. Thank you, Mike.. As I read them with everyone’s thoughts in mind, I’m beginning to see..
  20. Thank you, Mac.. will work on # 1 Thank you, tim. Sooo, back to work I go. But I get the missing ‘me’ part.
  21. Have to agree about 1 and 2 not being tanka… but still are great poems. #3 is wonderful I'd say, the pinnacle of the group. #5 is right up there too. Very nice, Def.
  22. mmm i agree. I also think 1 and 2 are missing you (but are great little poems) ... 3 is amazing and i really like 5.
  23. @Defiance19 These are wonderful! I am especially drawn to #3. You express your feelings about the natural scene with poetic grace. All of my senses are ignited with this one. #1 is also beautiful, but it may not quite be a Tanka, as it describes the scenery but not your reaction to it. As a grouping, I love them all. Great job.
  24. Ok, so let me start by saying.This Tanka business is SO HARD!! I tried to get it, checked the list, do not know if I succeeded. So now I submit for your appraisal. Let me know how I can fix/ correct them, are they even Tanka? 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Snowflakes dance carefree Just coating the earth below On naked branches It settles like pillowed mounds Lending grace to forlorn trees A morning snowfall Promises frolic and fun excitedly, we make plans But by playtime it’s melted Stealing joy from everyone I stand quietly Watching the wild rabbit hunt He scents the cold air Our eyes meet and he is gone Dawn falls back into stillness Ice rains from the sky Traffic crawls to a dead stop A broken down bus lets off bundled commuters I shake, though heat warms my seat Filled with misgiving I slow-walk onto the ice Pushing off I flail But your hand reaches mine And I forget I’m falling
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