Labels for sexuality

[JSmith]

For me, I'll use labels when others ask, but in my mind I don't usually fit into the categories. If someone says, "Hey, are you gay?" I'll say yes. It simplifies things and they get the idea that yes, I like guys. But most of the people I'm out to have wanted to expand the conversation and go deeper. They'll ask all sorts of questions about who I'm interested in and what 'types' of people I like. This is usually where I point out and define myself for who I really am. Yes, I used the gay label to begin with to make it simple, but in my mind, I'm really not.

 

I hate it when people ask me "well what type of guys are you interested in?" Hell if I knew exactly what I was looking for in the perfect relationship, then it would make life a lot easier if I only had to search for that one type. But it doesn't work like that. I've dated all sorts of people. Girls, guys, tall, short, thin, not-so-thin, different hair/eye color, completely different personalities, and the list goes on. I'm attracted to the person, not the labels they or society puts on them.

 

While I agree with most of the people saying that labels make people stereotype, but that's a part of life. You'll stereotype someone the moment you meet them. It's instinct and hard to overcome. I'll be the first one to admit doing this, but it doesn't bother me. Based on my first impression of you, I'll make a snap judgement until you prove me wrong. But I know other people do the same thing to me. They see a young gay guy and they think, "He's nothing but an immature promiscuous little boy that does all sorts of sinful things." And while part of that may be true, it doesn't bother me because what the hell does it matter what they think? Until they get to know me for who I am, then their opinion doesn't matter to me.

 

I think this is the longest post I've ever made in The Lounge so I'll stop now. Good topic though

 

 

Joe

[Guest raz]

I find myself unimpressed by the movement to refuse labels. Labels facilitate communications. We use adjectives and nouns to tell other people about ourselves. Its one thing to say "well... I'm happy having sex with women too so I'm not homosexual, but I do like having sex with men so I'm not strictly heterosexual either" what you do in a case where a label doesn't fit is create a new adjective or adopt one to your purposes. Conveniently there already is one for that case where one likes both men and women. Bisexual. Your friend isn't refusing labels, he just picked a different one, with the same meaning. Why "bisexual" was not good enough for him... I don't know.

 

It doesn't degrade a person to acknowledge that they're gay, straight, or bi. Celebrating label refusal as though it makes a person better than those who do acknowledge what their sexuality is... other than creating an artificial area of contention... contributing to pointless conflict.

 

 

That's my take on this whole thing, too.

[Graeme]

I hate it when people ask me "well what type of guys are you interested in?" Hell if I knew exactly what I was looking for in the perfect relationship, then it would make life a lot easier if I only had to search for that one type.

If I could be so bold as to suggest an answer to this question: A nice guy who are also interested in me.

[colinian]

...I know other people do the same thing to me. They see a young gay guy and they think, "He's nothing but an immature promiscuous little boy that does all sorts of sinful things." And while part of that may be true, it doesn't bother me because what the hell does it matter what they think? Until they get to know me for who I am, then their opinion doesn't matter to me...

 

If that's what someone is thinking when they meet you, it's probably unlikely that they will get to know you and change their opinion of you.

 

Colin

[GaryKelly]

Celebrating label refusal as though it makes a person better than those who do acknowledge what their sexuality is... other than creating an artificial area of contention... contributing to pointless conflict.

 

I disagree, Demetz, so allow me to label myself a dissenter. :-P Let's forget about sexuality for a mo and talk about other labels. If someone calls you a nerd is that a label you would accept? Would a person with an IQ of 150 introduce himself as a genius? I'm a tad confused about labels...if you ask a cat if it's a cat you don't get an answer. Mind you, I approve of the word 'strawberry' on a jar of jam hehe. I suppose my gripe (if that's the right word) about labeling oneself is that it's too definitive and restrictive.

[Adrian Michaels]

Labels are for grocery stores... not people.

 

I have a friend who used to go, "This is my friend Ben, He's gay." She did it all the time. And thankfully, the person never had a problem with it, but i always did. I thought that it was pretty shoddy that way that I was immediately just put into a little box. So I started saying, "This is Kristen, she's emo."

 

She didn't like that very much, even though she is clearly emo. I told her it was the same thing.

 

She could have said, "This is Ben, he likes this, this and this" or "This is my friend Ben, we take chemistry together."

 

Labels suck.

[Dusk]

I tell people, "I have a sexual orientation that it takes PowerPoint to describe."

 

Seriously. My sexual orientation just doesn't fit into the normal boxes. I usually tick "bisexual," because that's as close as I can get to a standard label, but being forced to choose a label is annoying. I wish that every site on the Web would stop requiring gender and orientation labels, except on a voluntary basis.

 

Now, I think voluntary labels are wonderful. As rknapp and others here have said, there should be a place for labels for people who can easily say what they are and want to share that information with others. But as colinian says, being required to pin a label on oneself is annoying.

[Razor]

I AM gay. I don't like girls. At all. Ever. If I had to do a girl, I'd choose the most petite, tomboyish, hardcore girl I could find. And then I wouldn't enjoy it.

 

Gay gay gay gay gay. Gay. Period. So yeah, I label myself, but that's because the label is accurate. Labels are only bad when they're misused.

[JSmith]

Now, I think voluntary labels are wonderful. As rknapp and others here have said, there should be a place for labels for people who can easily say what they are and want to share that information with others. But as colinian says, being required to pin a label on oneself is annoying.

 

We do have an 'Ask Me' option

[ethan thorn]

Well i hate labels half of them are used wrong anyway.

 

I am me and thats what this world has to live with not that i am gay but that i am me.

[colinian]

The label that I've selected for myself is that I'm a normal guy who is in love with another guy.

 

Colin

[Dusk]

JSmith said:

 

"We do have an 'Ask Me' option"

 

Oh, believe me, I noticed that you were in advance of a lot of other sites. But I still prefer the option of not having to choose an option.

[ashessnow]

I AM gay. I don't like girls. At all. Ever. If I had to do a girl, I'd choose the most petite, tomboyish, hardcore girl I could find. And then I wouldn't enjoy it.

Hahahaha! That was funny...