Do Over Redux

[Myr]

Chapter 3 is up... and it is good.

[dkstories]

As Myr said...a new chapter is up. I've also made another blog entry...actually keeping up with it pretty regularly now. More gripes about grandma...and a little bit of insight into DOR. If you're interested, just click on the "Blogs" link, on the right side near the top of the screen just below the Gay Authors logo block

[Novelty]

Heh, I'm getting your blog via the feed, and it's good. I just wish Myr could feed out the stories as they are posted as well.

 

The last time around, I'd chosen the love of my life over my family, and had paid a price for that. Mom and Jenny had died before I turned eighteen. I'd fought in a World War, and given the order to use nuclear weapons. I'd fought in a second war with the Chinese, and then led a Special Forces team into a time travel facility they'd built from stolen secret plans. Was I doomed to forever repeat the time between 1981 and 2004? Did the fact that I'd been so selfish in the last time line mean I was doomed to repeat it again?

 

Whoa - That's like 20 chapters of a whole new untold story condensed in a paragraph. I hope we do get that story at some point in the future!!!

[ethan thorn]

God chapter dan but why take him away from brian not fair.

[dkstories]

Well, another chapter has been sent off to Myr as my Birthday Present to the readers. I hope you folks enjoy!

 

 

On a side note, someone asked me if I listen to music while writing, and that's a big affirmative. For Do Over Redux, there are two songs that really fit the tone of what I'm writing. The first is "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day. The second, and you really have to listen to the lyrics here, is "Look at What You've Done" by JET.

 

Well, enjoy!

[Myr]

I love that Green Day song!

I've posted chapter 4.

[dkstories]

I love that Green Day song! 

I've posted chapter 4.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I've loved Green Day since they first came onto the scene...I saw them at a VERY early concert, before they'd really even released their first album (or had just released it or something like that), back in the heavy punk days. Loved them then, and love them still today.

 

Poor Davey's missing them though. He has to wait another ten years for DECENT MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

"Dammit, Dan, if I have to go through another Madonna and Michael Jackson and those damn hair band decades, I'm going to kill you!" Davey says to his author.

[NaperVic]

Hi Dan,

 

I just spent the last 2.5 days reading 'Do Over' and wanted to let you know what a great story you had written. I'm pretty new to GA (coming here first for Domluka's stories), and when I saw that Do Over was a completed story, I thought I'd give it a read. Well, I got hooked pretty easily and I probably read too many chapters while I was at work.

 

I debated whether to start reading 'Do Over Redux', one because it was 'in process' and two because I was drained (in a good way) from reading 'Do Over'. Also, I thought to myself, 'how's he going to do this over again?'. Well, my self-control only lasted a couple hours and then I read all four chapters of DOR in one sitting (my bf is not happy with you right now for the amount of time I spent reading your two series ).

 

I really enjoyed the first 4 chapters, and I'm excited with the possibilities in store for Davey in the 'future'.

 

Thanks for the time and effort you put into this. This reader is amazed and in awe that you can write so well and in so much detail. It takes me forever just to write one email!

 

A new fan,

 

Vic

[ethan thorn]

Great cahpter as always dan.

[Myr]

Hey, Dan has posted some information about upcoming stuff in his Blog. (Click Blogs up on the main menu to find his)

[Novelty]

Hmm...

 

I read chapter 4 and went away with mixed feelings about it, so I decided to wait a day or two before I make any comments. I still have mixed feelings about the chapter, but here's a quick review... note: spoilers ahead.

 

 

 

S

P

O

I

L

E

R

 

S

P

A

C

E

 

 

Heh, if you haven't read chapter 4 yet, go read it! It's highly recommended despite my mixed feelings. And you've been warned - spoilers ahead. (and I note to Myr, I can't find out how to do spoilers with the forum code...)

 

I didn't get to read about the first DOR interview with the Reagan in chapter 3, and the leap from the end of chapter 2 to chapter 3 was a huge one. The start of chapter 4 though, quietly and neatly continues from chapter 3 and continues in the usual DK style. One of the things that stands out from the beginning of the chapter is that davey got made out to be a rather domestically minded person (did he actually do home ec in a former lifetime?). That's an issue that not many male writers would write about and I guess that's one thing that sets Dan's writing apart from many others - it has the usual mundane things mixed in with the exciting events, and the mundane only seems to make the characters in the story more real.

 

However there is one thing I wish Dan would write from a female perspective. He describes the landscape and countryside in terms of dimensions - distances, time to travel there, etc. and by ownership, but doesn't do the justice of describing them as they are perceived by the senses. Colour, smell, texture, temperature, while not missing is relegated to a position of secondary imporatance in his writing, which is a pity, particularly when describing the possibly majestic landscape of Nevada. He has promised to post scanned pictures of the area and although a picture may speaks a thousand words, it seems to me that it's an easy way out of not making the landscape as real and believable in the narrative as the characters.

 

As Dan pointed out in his blog (and I must recommend you read that as well), this chapter is about Davey's relationship with his father, and this is where I have mixed feelings about. The conversation between Davey and David seems to be to be a bit stale and/or forced at times, and read in parts to be almost as if they were being spoken by the same person. If not for the writing cues, I would barely be able to tell apart who's speaking which sentence. Perhaps this is just a case of David being a blank state at this point in time, despite the fact that we know so much about him. If this chapter is to highlight what more of what the story will be about, than I think Dan is going to have an uphill struggle to craft the conversations that Davey is going to have with David.

 

There is stark contrast though between the Davey/David conversation and the Davey/Major Kowalski conversation. I find the latter to be more believable and to portray Davey's character more accurately based on what has been previously built up about him. Just when I thought I should give up reading the chapter, I get the fun of reading about Davey's character interaction in just a few short paragraphs that more than makes up for my disappointment with the rest of the story.

 

Overall, it's an OK chapter for me, the Davey/Major Kowalski interaction saving it from being subpar. I've read better chapters from Dan and I look forward to Chapter 5.

 

OK, I've rambled on enough. Dan, I have tried to make all my criticism constructive and I hope this review has been useful to you. Myr, if I'm not suppose to be doing reviews here, please let me know.

[Myr]

type spoiler inside of [] followed by /spoiler in []

like so.

something so long and detailed might be better left to a PM rather than in public, but that's more of an authors preference

 

[dkstories]

Wow, Novelty...nice feedback and discussion! I like it in any forum, and appreciate it.

 

One thing about the Davey/David(father) conversation...it was stiff on purpose, and sounded very similar between the two, also on purpose.

 

 

Davey, despite everything, is a LOT like his father. The conversations will change, as you see more chapters.

 

As for descriptions of the environment...spot on there. Maybe I'll be able to work in some better descriptions that are more scenic than analytical.

[vision]

Hey Dan, I love the story, the original Do-Over was great, I'm interested in seeing where you go with this one. One of the best things about the original Do-Over was the level of technical depth you wrote in, that's something a lot of writers forget, research or knowledge brings the story to life, as your knowledge of naval combat did. I'll always have a strong dislike for Davey's dad and not even him saving the world will change that but I can't help wondering where your going with their relationship this time.

Looking forward to the next chapter impatiently as always.

 

[Myr]

the Next chapter has been posted.

[drf]

oh i like where this is going DR.Grimes gonna get into trouble good work keep up the good work

danny

[ORN]

Very interesting chapter, Dan. As I recall, George HW Bush was once head of the CIA as well as a diplomat. I guess you are exploring some different tactics he might have used, had he been in charge of Davey all along? I truely love how you show Davey speaking to all these adults with a clear head, and intelligent words. I sit here laughing imagining how adults in this situation must be wondering who the hell this kid is, talking and acting like this in a confrontational situation. Keep up the good work Dan. I am enjoying this story and love the premise.

 

 

Be well,

 

Richard

ORN

[Novelty]

I read Chapter 5 and as usual, can't wait for more. Was there a cliffhanger in the story? I must be immune to those after waiting everyday for a month for a new chapter of the original Do Over.

 

The conversation was great, including the short interactions between Davey and his father, and I also liked Davey's interaction with Dr. Grime. However, this chapter again fails to deliver in the descriptive. For example, the description of the route to the airport could have benefitted from having some directions as adjectives - e.g. 3 miles south to the highway, 4 miles along the highway heading towards Ely, etc. However, I did find it interesting that age was used as an adjective for buildings in the conversation with Derek.

 

This is suppose to be the first chapter of a 3 chapter story arc and it indeed does set the tone for the story arc. I'm sure we can expect Chapter 6 to build up towards whatever goal Dan is writing towards - it will have bits and pieces that are essential, but nothing too dramatic will happen. Of course, Chapter 6 will probably have a huge cliffhanger ending as well.

 

Overall, I liked this chapter more than I did Chapter 4, and I'll say it again, I can't wait for Chapter 6.

[jessehotty]

My goodness Dan - again, you simply rock!

 

I check for updates like ten times a day.

 

Keep it up.

 

Jess

[ethan thorn]

As always great work dan.

[Strangersagain]

Great story, can't wait for the next chapter...

 

I am happy to be riding the tale again

 

Hehh provacative pun, if ever there was one.

[ORN]

Very interesting twist to the whole "Dad" relationship there, Dan. I really like how you are reinventing this whole story in its current incarnation, along with subtle as well as big changes. I admit, it has me looking forward to more and more and more.....

 

 

 

 

 

ORN

Richard

[Myr]

Oh... Chapter 6 was posted last night, for those that hadn't noticed.

[Novelty]

SPOILERS BELOW.

 

If anyone wonders why I bother to read Dan's Do Overs, Chapter 6 of Do Over Redux shows exactly why Dan puts out such great stories. For me personally, the emotions that Dan displays in words whenever Davey interacts with is father has always been the highlight of the story. Perhaps that explains my disappointment with the subpar interaction in Chapter 4, but with Chapter 6, Dan gets back to the ball and paints the most poignant conversation so far in the sequel.

 

I have to say I'm pleased to see Dan incorporating some of my earlier comments into the story. However it makes me wonder if Dan is trying to make a statement about himself by throwing a hood over Davey in the story.

 

One last point to note: no cliffhanger! Yay!

Edited March 18, 2005 by Novelty

[dkstories]

Thanks for the compliments, Novelty. One thing to point out though, was that Chapter Six was written about a week before you made your comments.

 

That's not to say that the comments aren't welcomed or listened to, they are. It's just that in this particular case the chapter was written before they were made.

 

There IS a conversation in Chapter 9 that was tweaked slightly after your comments though.