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There IS a conversation in Chapter 9 that was tweaked slightly after your comments though.  :)

 

 

Chapter 9?!?!?! I wanna read 7 and 8 !!!!

 

Anyone else seen that TV commerical for H&R Block where they talk about "you remember when you were a kid and always wanted a do over..." I laugh ever time I see that commercial, which weirds out some of my friends, lol!

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One thing to point out though, was that Chapter Six was written about a week before you made your comments.  :)
Darn it! I figured that was the case since you're normally 3 - 4 chapters ahead. Oh well, I guess you should throw a sack over Davey's head more often :)

 

That's not to say that the comments aren't welcomed or listened to, they are.  It's just that in this particular case the chapter was written before they were made.
The reviews are just my attempts to "raise the bar" here on the forums. I know authors love getting positive comments and praise, but I've rarely seen reviews of the stories anywhere here, so I thought it would be a good "service" to start one for DOR. You are, as always, welcomed to reject and/or ignore my comments, although, I'm glad that you haven't chosen to do so.

 

There IS a conversation in Chapter 9 that was tweaked slightly after your comments though.  :)
And you are teasing the rest of us. We haven't even seen Chapters 7 and 8 yet, but I'm sure all in due time. Keep them coming, and I'm sure we'll love the stories. At least this time I hope you don't kill anyone before Chapter 30.
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Excellent chapter, Dan. As always, I look forward to more. I keep meaning to ask, do you plan to work on DoT anymore? I love that story. What is the status and your plans for it?

 

Thanks in advance,

Be well,

Richard

ORN

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I read almost all of the original story in a little more than one day. My eyes burned like crazy, but Davey was, and is, a compelling character. I was very hesitant to even skim any of the seven chapters of the second version, because I liked the first so much and was worried that this new version would somehow taint the other.

 

My resolve was weak, though. I read all seven today when I was supposed to be working on formulas and other boring stuff in the computer lab. As with the first version, you have really grabbed my attention, Dan. You write such believable fiction!!

 

I'm hoping that things will be slightly different for Davey's family in this time line, but I have to say that I still don't like his father. Any way, thanks for the great chapters! I can't wait for more!

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I did say I'd post a review and after not thinking about it for a few days, I realised what this chapter was... forgettable. I'm not being harsh here, I'm just stating a personal opinion, but when compared with the previous chapter (Chapter 6), this chapter is very much an anticlimax to the entire arc. I must say though that on it's own, it's not a bad chapter, but there's nothing stellar in it either.

 

It focuses mainly on Davey and his conversation with his dad. I like the insight Dan gives us as to Davey's behaviour and it's a nice relief to see that the conversation between father and son is distinct enough that I could tell who's saying what.

 

There was also the interaction with Reagan, which felt odd to me - it's as if the Reagan he's writing here is a completely different person from the one that he wrote in the original story. I guess 2 years in office does change a man a lot.

 

All in all, good, but not as great as Chapter 6. The next chapter will be set in the same year I think, so there won't be too large a "jump" forwards, which I'm thankful for. I guess I'll just have to be patient and wait for the next chapter. Thanks for rushing Chapter 7 to us, Dan.

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I really liked the last chapter. I always love it when Davey confronts some adult with his 12 year old body and 60 year old brain! Keep up the great work, Dan. As always, I look forward to more :)

 

 

 

ORN

Richard

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If you haven't already noticed Chapter 11 is up. I am really behind in my chapter reviews now... but I'd rather be even more behind at this point! Oh and this one has a real cliffhanger too! Go read if you haven't then go read Dan's blog to see what's up with the chapter. You won't be disappointed.

 

 

Edit: And to catch up...

 

Chapter 8.

 

This was the first chapter of the next bit of Davey's life and I must say I enjoyed it. Dan tried to describe the school and I thought he did rather well in his typical Dan fashion. A few choice adjectives here would have enriched the description a bit more, but I'm going on like a broken record about this issue. Well, it supposedly gets better in Chapter 9 and later.

 

The interaction with the principle was good, but not great, in my books. I like how it sets him up for a future storyline if need be, although other than introducing (or is it more like hitting the reader over the head with it) Davey's "smarts", it doesn't progress too much in this chapter.

 

What I did like though was the way the chapter introduces Davey's entire class without making it seem too unnatural or as a narrative. The downside is that most of those characters were introduced twice, but that is only so we get to see the "Do Over" aspects of the story.

 

All in all, an enjoyable read. Good, but nothing stellar.

 

 

 

Chapter 9

 

I started this chapter in anticipation, because this was the first (?) of the chapters that my reviews had an impact on. Somehow though, I think Dan was trying to get rid of some of his real life frustrations because the chapter seems to lack the lighthearted mood that we saw in the last chapter.

 

I like Davey's interactions with the bullies, and how Dan kept him consistant with the character from the first part of the story. I also liked quite a number of things in the story, particularly the fight scene in the shower. This is the second fight scene in the story and again, the scenes are vividly painted, not just from the action perspective, but also how things were experienced by the five senses.

 

There seems to be some sort of formula where Brian's name is mentioned near the end of the chapter. The pining for him seems a distraction in this chapter though.

 

Good story, better writing, but some of Dan's negative emotions seems to be showing through the writing and I would say it's a hinderance to the story. Still a good read and I enjoyed it.

Edited by Novelty
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You have always in your stories had a great ability to surprise but do it in a thought out manner that so totally makes sense in retrospect. This is no different.

 

I just finished reading - and sitting here a bit stunned... Chapter 11 isn't all that long - but has so much inside of it...

 

To the author - FANTASTIC. To Davey - damn, my heart goes out to you.

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I read Chapters 10 and 11 in one sitting... and I know one of these chapters was supposed to be "evil", but really, I guess I've read enough of Do Over to know what to expect. "Evil" in my opinion was blowing up Davey at the end of a chapter and leaving him dead throughout the whole of the next (Chapters 37 and 38 of DO, IIRC). More "evil" in my book is dropping hints like the "Battle of Taiwan" (note it's not the Battle FOR Taiwan) and not giving any details about it. Aaaaargh! Anyways, I'll do them the injustice of reviewing both Chapters 10 and 11 together, not because I'm being petty, but because I am just lazy.

 

Chapter 10 was the domestic Thanksgiving chapter, while 11 was the "Road Trip with the twins" chapter, and one thing... or should I say two persons tie both chapters together - the twins Sam and David Wells. Actually Dan always introduces them as David and Sam, which gives me pause that David is more significant somehow, but I'll wait until the first few paragraphs of Chapter 12 to see if I'm right.

 

Right, my suspicions aside...

 

I like the domestic scene that Dan paints for the first part of Chapter 10 was interesting in the very least. Now we have a name for Davey's mother and we see the subtle "family politics" that comes into play between ones in-laws. It's interesting that Dan used a poker game to "go one up" on his father, although I wonder if maybe Davey was being made out to be superman again. I really don't believe that it'd be that easy to get a full house on the first hand, but I guess it does happen.

 

The "meat" of the chapter was the latter half, particularly Davey's interactions with the twins. I'll skip the wrestling and the fondling parts of the story - they were fun to write, I'm sure. However, I must say I find Dan's description of Davey's room a bit lacking - all I can picture from the description is a colourless big blob that's the water bed, and a wooden dresser/bookshelf combo next to some sliding closet doors (which are probably white?) - everything is a bit grey in my head of course, because I have no idea what lighting was used in the room, or whether the window, if there are any (there is, as shown in the photo in the blog, but that's not mentioned in the narrative), is letting in any light (which is doubtful, since it's nighttime in a storm). And what about Wallpaper? Curtains? Other furniture? Decorations? Smell of the room? I don't know about most people, but the first thing to hit my senses when I walk into the room is the smell - each room smells different somehow to me. The interesting thing is that although the room was left formless and virtually undescribed, Dan decided to describe the twins right down to the colour and style of underwear that they wear. It is interesting to note though that the hotel rooms that Davey stayed in were described in greater detail in Chapter 11 than Davey's room.

 

Before I forget, I enjoyed the language part of the story, and how Dan made Davey a superman again by giving him the power to decipher it on the first go. Still it was an interesting spin. I enjoyed the Russian exchanges in the first Do Over and this new made up language is just furthering Dan's writing horizons. And that's how Chapter 11 started as well, with the "gobbly-gook" as Derek calls it in the story.

 

I could say a lot more about the phone conversation with President Reagan, but I'm writing a story review, not a civil liberties debate. What I did like about the phone call was how Reagan has mellowed in this chapter to be the person I remember him to be from the first Do Over. It is interesting though to see how Davey have been building up his relationship with the president over the last few chapters, eventhough their interactions are sparse are far between.

 

Oh, and there's a real cliffhanger at the end of Chapter 11. That was nicely done there.

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And just for those who haven't been to the soapbox:

 

Then there was the guy I went to junior high school with and is in Do Over who came up and chatted with me a little bit.  :)
Ah, DO hints... can I ask if he was a major or minor character in DO? :devil:

 

Minor character just one or two scenes only!

 

OK, anyone want to start guessing who it was that Dan saw that night? I'm sure that among the Do Over fandom out there, someone must probably know who he's talking about :)

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Do Over Redux. Chapter 12.

 

I could post:

 

Yay!  New Chapter.  Thanks Dan.  Excellent as usual

 

which would inflate Dan's ego and provide him some encouragement to write the next chapter. I'm sure Dan already gets enough of those. I'm going for the other route, to take on the story and to provide criticism, hopefully constructive, in the hopes that Dan will take encouragement from it to improve his own writing. Hence the regular chapter reviews. I have no idea if anyone agrees or disagrees with the reviews - if any one does disagree with me, feel free to post it here amicably. It is after all, your point of view and although they might not agree with mine, they are nevertheless as valid as mine.

 

I know at some level Dan would like to have a discussion about the story and I know quite a lot of it has been going on privately. This though is an attempt at a public discussion which would, ultimately, enrich not only Dan and his writings, but also the forum and the site as well.

 

And on to the review.

 

I'm probably reading too much into this, but David (Wells) seems to have a thing for Davey. I know it's probably sacriledge, but at this point in the story, I wonder about the certainty of Davey getting back with Brian every. After, why is he so certain that Brian will ever want him back? Take away that choice confrontation that started the whole thing the last time around and Brian and Davey would never gotten together... but I digress... I do wonder though about the sort of progress we are going to see regarding Davey and David.

 

There were two major storyline going through this chapter, intertwined with each other. The basketball competition was, for the lack of a better word, the "A" plot, while the "B" plot involved the president's speech. I liked both plots, although, for the purpose of this review, I'm going to stay silent about the speech, other than the fact that I thought it was well written and seems to be very plausible for Reagan to be giving. Perhaps Dan was formerly a presidential ghost-writer? That would explain a lot of things.

 

The "A" plot though is very well written and I would say, much better written than Dan's fight scenes for this storyline. I could almost picture the action and hear the cheers and the roar of the crowd when reading through the chapter. Hey Dan, if story writing fails, you might want to see if you can get to be a sports writer. I very much enjoyed the story and was a little disappointed that we didn't get to read more of it.

 

One thing that felt rather unreal to me was the part just before the speech, when the Captain Halstead laid out the terms of the big hush hush. The whole conversation there was a bit flat and felt a little bit subpar coming from Dan. I'm not sure how it could be improved, but the muddled Mr. Mulkey certainly didn't help with the tone that was being set. Well, I guess real life is stranger than fiction and perhaps this is what Dan was trying to portray... or not. There was another point in the story that didn't feel right to me as well.

 

I was looking forward to getting a glimpse of the twin's private language. There wasn't any in this chapter, but Dan did make it a point to show us that they do converse in it most of the time when they are conversing with each other in a public place but would like to keep it private.

 

And as to character development, I like the direction that Sam and Derek is going both as individual and together. The debate about time travel in this story is also very well written. It was a good touch to show Derek's intelligence there too.

 

All in all, a very good chapter. I'm sure the same can't be said of this review. Oh well.

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