Beauty, So Cold and So Still

[myself_i_must_remake]

this is me shamelessly attracting attention to my new baby.

 

Beauty, So Cold and So Still

 

read and discuss!

[Conner]

Billy,

 

That is a remarkable story. Beautifully written, beautifully told.

 

That there is beauty in life's pain....I don't know...I'll have to ponder that for a while.

 

Bravo!

 

Conner

[PatrickOBrien]

Oh, wow! This was simply beautiful! It's just so compelling, and the way the important events in their lives are told is inspiring! I wanted to cry for Nathaniel at the end, having found someone so beautiful, finally, only to lose him before they really had a chance.

 

I love it! I'm definitely going to have to read everything you put out from now on.

 

^_~

[sat8997]

Well now...that was wonderful. Write more.

 

Sharon

[Jason Rimbaud]

I first read this piece a few days ago and I've been debating on whether or not I should offer a comment. Mainly because upon first reading it, I was filled with many conflicting emotions. Normally, if I read something I don't really like, I keep my mouth shut. I know how much effort it takes to write something and then the courage it takes to post it online for anyone to either praise your efforts or bash them.

 

During the first few paragraphs, I really hated the format the author chose to present this unique tale. In the first few pages, it reads almost like an article before moving quickly into a style that I can only describe as a stream of consciousness. The constant switching between the two lead characters lives, Nathaniel and Michael, is quite confusing and a bit much to absorb in the first reading.

 

Nathaniel's home life leaves much to be desired. His father is a cheater and somewhat abusive while his mother sinks into alcoholism and self pity. Nathaniel is highly intelligent and somewhat shy who finds his solace in books and creative writing. On the other hand, Michael is the all American boy next door, athletic, good at school, and popular with students and teachers alike. The only thing they have in common is a love of creative writing and somewhat dirty jokes written in German on the blackboard. (by the way, this is probably one of the most unique plot devices about two people meeting and finding common ground that I've ever read.)

 

Throughout the narrative, the author went through great lengths to explain to the reader how different each boy is and how they became the person that met over a dirty joke when they were fifteen in German class. As the reader, you become invested in these characters and wonder what is in store.

 

And this is where the story falls apart for me. Instead of building upon the story thus far told, Nathaniel's storyline splinter's into finding love in the arms of a sickly boy named, Gabriel, who is Michael's younger cousin. Though they met once in the school's lunchroom, it isn't until they meet at a New Year's Eve party hosted by Michael, that they fall into a passionate affair.

 

By the way, from this moment on, the story is well-crafted and beautifully written. The ending is probably one of the most moving scenes I've read online or published in a book. It really is amazing.

 

And for that very reason, this story doesn't work for me. Maybe if the story focused on Nathaniel's childhood and Gabriel's childhood, instead of Michael's, I would've identified with this story on a much deeper level. There is no pay-off for investing so much energy into Michael. He quickly falls into the bin marked secondary character, though for the whole story he was given top billing. I would've love to read about Gabriel's life, after all, he is the one that most affected Nathaniel.

 

Yet, you can throw out everything I just stated above, because I could not stop reading this story. It is so well-written, and so poetic, with real characters that I couldn't stop reading even if I wanted too. I dare you to read this to the end and not be affected. I highly recommend this story to anyone who wants a story a bit smarter than the average fare. You will not be disappointed by Beauty, So Cold and So Still.

 

Jason R.

 

I see from the author's profile that he is a young man. I believe that he will only get better and we shall being seeing some amazing things in the future from this young author that dares dream outside the box. Again, I loved this story.

[Dezlboi]

Hello sir,

 

I posted some comments for the story as a review. Hope you find them helpful. For some reason, probably my own ineptitude, they were posted as anonymous. So if you see a recent review that was long-winded, meandering, and unsigned... that was me.

 

Cheers, and keep doing what you're doing.

 

Deez

[AFriendlyFace]

I first read this piece a few days ago and I've been debating on whether or not I should offer a comment. Mainly because upon first reading it, I was filled with many conflicting emotions. Normally, if I read something I don't really like, I keep my mouth shut. I know how much effort it takes to write something and then the courage it takes to post it online for anyone to either praise your efforts or bash them.

 

...

I was going to respond and disagree...but then I realized I didn't (disagree that is). With the exception of the complaint about the story switching perspectives too often and being confusing, I didn't find it that way at all and quite the contrary very much enjoyed the style.

 

It was sort of out of left field that Gabriel took over from Michael, I was going to say that it was more 'realistic', but on the other hand since the two of them didn't meet until almost the same time anyway it could just as easily have followed Gabriel. Nevertheless, I didn't mind so much and I still found the story very excellent and very moving.

 

LOL, I will say that I kept thinking the story was over before it was. I read the end of the third to last scene which ended with something along the lines of "As Nathanial slipped into sleep Gabriel slipped away into the night," and I thought that was an excellent, poetic, and tactful way to convey both that the boy had left and that he had 'slipped away' from life.

 

Then I scrolled a little further down and found another paragraph which depicted Gabriel journey home. It ended with something like, "and he grew warm, and then warmer still." and I thought, "well that's a good way to show his dying too, and it does spell it out more, but I actually found it much less poetic and beautiful.

 

Then damned if there wasn't yet ANOTHER scene below that one!

 

For the record this ending was by far the best! Definitely way more beautiful and moving...so in my warped mind I'll just say the third time was the charm

 

Well done, Billy

 

-Kevin

[GaryK]

Out of all the stories Billy has shared with us so far this is my absolute favorite.

 

I like it when a writer takes risks. And Billy definitely took risks with this story. Both in terms of the timeline and the characters. In my opinion the risks paid off handsomely.

 

Gabriel was the enigma in this story. We knew very little about him, he wasn't part of the story for very long, and yet somehow I think we all wound up having very strong feelings for him. It takes a very good writer to get the reader to invest that amount of emotion in a character we know so little about.

 

I have to disagree about Michael disappearing from the story. Quite the opposite happened from my perception. Remember his appearance at the cemetery at the same time Nathaniel showed up? That took place after Gabriel's death. These two guys who had been best friends were now very bitter towards each other. That was a tragic ending in and of itself. And so in a sense Michael was still very much a part of the story even after Gabriel died even though the final scene as presented was Gabriel's death.

 

Ultimately it was Nathaniel who wound up as the most tragic figure in this story because he lost his best friend and his potential boyfriend.

[old bob]

Hi Billy,

I can't understand why I didn't find your stories earlier

Just to say now how much I liked this story. The interest is growing from the first phrase till the last one. Your style is rough, dry, each word counts. The reader has to complete each paragraph, as if he had to write the story himself. You are not only a "promising author" but also a very mature writer . Now that I "discovered" your stories, I will read them all and enjoy your style. BTW, the title is a "treasure" for itself

Thanks a lot.

Old bob

[AFriendlyFace]

Ultimately it was Nathaniel who wound up as the most tragic figure in this story because he lost his best friend and his potential boyfriend.

Hmmm,

 

I think I might disagree with you here.

 

Nathaniel is certainly more promising than either of his parents, and by the look of things he's more successful than Michael as well.

 

Gabriel probably offers the the most 'competition' in terms of promising/successful/happy characters, because of course the whole point of the story (to me) was about beauty in pain and value in the unspoiled. In that way Gabriel might 'outshine' Nathaniel, but of course in the most simplistic, literal way Nathaniel is still around to do more and be more, and Gabriel isn't.

 

Michael is of the sort that's 'never really been tested'. So how can we know how we would measure up?

 

 

According to what I took from the story, I rather think that Nathanial and Gabriel weren't tragic figures at all, but rather noble, 'beautiful' figures whose simplicity and purity will live on.

 

-Kevin

Edited May 22, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[GaryK]

[...]

but of course in the most simplistic, literal way Nathaniel is still around to do more and be more, and Gabriel isn't.

[...]

In that sense I would have to agree with you. However I was referring to the story itself. Not what might happen in the future. Within the context of the story how much more tragic can it be for Nathaniel to lose his best friend and his boyfriend?

[Drewbie]

Out of all the stories Billy has shared with us so far this is my absolute favorite.

 

I like it when a writer takes risks. And Billy definitely took risks with this story. Both in terms of the timeline and the characters. In my opinion the risks paid off handsomely.

 

Gabriel was the enigma in this story. We knew very little about him, he wasn't part of the story for very long, and yet somehow I think we all wound up having very strong feelings for him. It takes a very good writer to get the reader to invest that amount of emotion in a character we know so little about.

 

I have to disagree about Michael disappearing from the story. Quite the opposite happened from my perception. Remember his appearance at the cemetery at the same time Nathaniel showed up? That took place after Gabriel's death. These two guys who had been best friends were now very bitter towards each other. That was a tragic ending in and of itself. And so in a sense Michael was still very much a part of the story even after Gabriel died even though the final scene as presented was Gabriel's death.

 

Ultimately it was Nathaniel who wound up as the most tragic figure in this story because he lost his best friend and his potential boyfriend.

 

 

 

I love this line.

 

I feel for Gabriel, still wonder though why die, because of what his mother has said?

 

I found also I wanted to learn more about Gabriel.

 

Another one of yours I enjoyed

[Tiff]

I read this story a long time ago. Sorry I didn't comment on it until now. But it's a very powerful story and you have a wonderful way of creating a sad scene, but inserting beauty in it.

 

The ending was beautiful and memorable. I don't even have to reread or reskim your story to visualize what happens. In fact, not too sure if I can read this story again, that's how much it affected me.

 

The focus on the story was not on Gabriel, but indirectly it was. Gabriel was a strong character, rebellious in his own way and I really liked him. I wish it didn't end the way it did. I wish forces hadn't been holding them apart.

 

This is my favorite out of all your wonderful pieces.

[corvus]

Writing a review for this is difficult, because I received many impressions while reading, and, given the ambition of the work, and of course my intrinsic sense of fairness, I'm obligated to be as specific as possible. But here goes:

 

I think highly of this story. There were moments that almost left me gasping. There were, however, also many points that I cringed or groaned. 'Beauty, So Cold and So Still' is remarkable not only for its consistently high quality but also for the fact that it elicited such a wide variety of responses from me.

 

To demonstrate, I'll dissect one of the earlier paragraphs:

 

EX 1.

"Thirty miles away, in a town called Painesville, Mrs. Vermillion has good news and an empty bladder."

This first sentence was great. Two unexpected objects, paralleled by matching adjectives. An entire story told in four words. Excellent.

 

"In her smooth, manicured hand she holds a small plastic device that claims she is pregnant."

Maybe by itself this sentence would be good. But the pregnancy is already so strongly implied in the first sentence that, especially with the pungent verbiage, it feels excessive here. The set of double adjectives "smooth, manicured" and "small plastic" is a too much, especially the first -- that's laying on too thick that this is the *happy* family.

 

"She steps out of the second-floor bathroom and goes down the steps, slowly because of her newly realized condition, and walks briskly to her husband in the tastefully furnished living room."

Slowly... briskly... tastefully..... The briskness of the first sentence has completely withered by this point. I would go so far as to say that it's hard to believe that the person who wrote this also wrote the first sentence.

 

This was only my reaction to the prose. My reaction to the characterization was just as ambivalent. The bird's-eye view approach made me feel that I was watching a puppet show rather than being involved in the story. As someone said earlier, at times I felt I was reading a clinical paper. "The wife," "the husband," etc. don't help. Every so often, though, I'm completely caught off guard by a really brilliant moment. Case in point:

 

EX 2.

"Michael walks over to a window and starts playing peek-a-boo with the sun. It seems nosy to him at this time of evening, dropping from the sky toward the faraway horizon so that it might spy him in his living room."

 

Besides the high "aww" factor, this line actually succeeds in opening a window into the mind of a four-year-old -- while maintaining that expansiveness of tone. On the other hand, I think it worked so well because one is generally looking down from above at four-year-olds anyway.

 

When Nathaniel and Michael get older, the long stretches of exposition become shorter and fewer, and the style becomes -- dare I say -- more "conventional." With this, a lot of other problems get introduced. Namely, Gabriel. Someone mentioned this earlier, and I want to reiterate: who the hell is Gabriel, and what's he doing in this story?? Why is the title about him, when he doesn't even get foreshadowed in the entire first half of the story?

 

That's not the say that Gabriel isn't a very interesting character. He's very real and unreal at the same time. His late entrance makes him less real. The fact that he dies before the end of the story (non-chronologically) implies his status of unreal "ghost," hovering between Michael and Nathaniel. At the same time, his unexpected occurrence allows him to escape the narrative confines of growing up, a la Nate and Michael. Given that the tone is what it is, this actually makes him more real. He also gets to do things like initiate kisses, which makes him clearly not real. He's good essay fodder, but it doesn't answer the question of -- story wise -- why's he here??

 

There's a lot of other things I could say about this, but, well, I have my own story to write. I'll end by quoting one line that I though particularly eloquent:

 

EX 3.

"Nathaniel does not know how to feel. He is frustrated and angry. He falls asleep smiling.",

 

remarking that:

 

EX 4.

"Nathaniel, Michael, and Kathleen graduate.

Michael and Kathleen graduate together.

Nathaniel graduates with them simultaneously and separately."

 

is very Woolfian, though Woolf did it with more grace, and adding that the sort of "commentary"-type statements that prop up all the time are better left to when we're 30 or so. It just doesn't work as well when one's 20.

 

All in all, very good. Tchuess!