The Rest Stop

[corvus]

Feel free to discuss The Rest Stop here.

 

w00t, my first story post as a promising author! I actually wrote this piece a while ago, back when I wrote one short story every three weeks or something for a year. Anyway, I'm eager to hear what everyone thinks of it. All feedback is welcome.

[GaryK]

You simply can't write a happy story, eh corvus?

 

As I wrote in my review this is a sad story about a sad man resigned to a sad fate in life.

 

It's a good story in its own way. To me it shows how much you've grown as an writer because this is not up to the standard you've set in M&W and DtS. Growing is a good thing so please don't take my comments as a negative thing.

 

Thanks for sharing this with us.

[Tiger]

I agree. I suppose a fairytale ending is never to be expected from him, Gary. Anyway, I liked it. Great work!

Edited May 18, 2008 by TL The Writing Tiger

[old bob]

As English is not my mother tongue, I can't say much about the way you write.

What I want to express here is that I felt the sadness, the unsolved problems of this family, the unhappyness of the father, in each phrase of your story. The most funny : the only "sunshine" comes from the few words about the two gays in the back and it makes the sadness even stronger.

When i read a short story, my best criterion is : "can I imagine the scenery "alive" as on a screen before my eyes ?".

You passed the test with 20/20 !

Good work done, and go on in the same path

Old bob

[Procyon]

Summary: Paul Ragden takes his family on a summer vacation. The unexpected almost occurs.

 

Hehe great summary.

 

 

You simply can't write a happy story, eh corvus?

 

There's too many of those out there anyway, I think, thank goodness for some dysfunctionality!! That way at least I can identify with them, haha.

 

 

It's a good story in its own way. To me it shows how much you've grown as an writer because this is not up to the standard you've set in M&W and DtS. Growing is a good thing so please don't take my comments as a negative thing.

 

I don't really think one can compare them at all. It is true, though, that M&W and DtS had more hope in them for their respective main characters, so they were less painful and possibly easier to read.

 

 

As English is not my mother tongue, I can't say much about the way you write.

What I want to express here is that I felt the sadness, the unsolved problems of this family, the unhappyness of the father, in each phrase of your story. The most funny : the only "sunshine" comes from the few words about the two gays in the back and it makes the sadness even stronger.

When i read a short story, my best criterion is : "can I imagine the scenery "alive" as on a screen before my eyes ?".

You passed the test with 20/20 !

Good work done, and go on in the same path

Old bob

 

I agree entirely. As I said in my review this brought to mind a dreary stop at a dreary caf

[Tiff]

No, Corvus is incapable of writing a happy piece...I've resigned myself to that fact. But that's ok; I love his style-- it's sad, but incredibly realistic and emotional.

 

When Paul was talking about his family, I really felt for him because his unhappiness and discontent was so strong and obvious, even if it wasn't described in great detail.

 

I think Paul is an amazing character and one that I really feel sad for. He hates his family and his family hates him also, or maybe hate is too strong, but they don't care for him. Yet, he still tries to entertain them, connect with them, and suppress his true desires. What does he get in return?

 

He's the type of guy we can all relate to in the sense that some people live to please others, or they're the ones that try to do the right thing and be the good person. The thing I remember most is how much he hates his car and can't get a new one. Or he married his wife because no one else would have her and he still wanted to do something for their anniversary.

 

Anyway, good piece. Doesn't leave you with a good feeling, but hey, I'm used to it by now.

[GaryK]

No, Corvus is incapable of writing a happy piece...I've resigned myself to that fact. But that's ok; I love his style-- it's sad, but incredibly realistic and emotional.

I guess I should stop teasing corvus about his style of writing. I mean, it's obvious the two of us--alright PC too--are his biggest fans, so clearly we like the way he writes. And there are way too many "happily ever after" stories out there.

 

Man, talk about sad stories. You've got to read the other Tiff's (TC the Hosted Author) newest story. To use your words it's a real, and in this case a literal, heart ripper outer.

 

I hope your finals are going well corvus. When do you leave for Germany?

[Tiger]

I guess I should stop teasing corvus about his style of writing. I mean, it's obvious the two of us--alright PC too--are his biggest fans, so clearly we like the way he writes. And there are way too many "happily ever after" stories out there.

I agree there. I am inspired to create something like that. Corvus has inspired me. Then again, I have tried some bittersweet stuff.

[corvus]

I agree. I suppose a fairytale ending is never to be expected from him, Gary. Anyway, I liked it. Great work!

 

Thanks, and no, I'm not your fairy godmother.

 

As English is not my mother tongue, I can't say much about the way you write.

What I want to express here is that I felt the sadness, the unsolved problems of this family, the unhappyness of the father, in each phrase of your story. The most funny : the only "sunshine" comes from the few words about the two gays in the back and it makes the sadness even stronger.

When i read a short story, my best criterion is : "can I imagine the scenery "alive" as on a screen before my eyes ?".

You passed the test with 20/20 !

Good work done, and go on in the same path

Old bob

 

Thanks for review, old bob! What you said -- about seeing the scenery come alive -- means a lot to me. It means even more since English isn't your mother tongue -- which, judging from your flawless English, it's impossible for anyone to tell.

 

What is so great about this kind of story is that after you've read it, you move on to a life that may be dysfunctional, but which is definitely much less desperate than Ragden's -- just as I escaped from that caf

[Tiff]

My bad Corvus....incapable was a wrong word choice. As your loveable stalker, I firmly believe that you're capable of ANYTHING!!!

 

It's just that you choose to write deeper, emotional pieces with real endings. I love happy endings, but come on, life isn't a happy ending. And like Tiger, you are a bit of an inspiration. I think you've inspired me to write more 'heart ripper outer' pieces. Ones that make the reader feel, think, and hurt. They're more memorable.

 

Are you a really cheerful person? Hmmm. Well in the forums, you are rather funny and nice, so maybe you're not the dark brooding dude I thought you might be.

 

Btw hope finals are going well for you!

[GaryK]

Are you a really cheerful person? Hmmm. Well in the forums, you are rather funny and nice, so maybe you're not the dark brooding dude I thought you might be.

You need to read his blog, Tiff.

 

@ corvus!

[Tiff]

You need to read his blog, Tiff.

 

@ corvus!

Oh my; fantasizing about bloody deaths for his professors? Umm, yeah...so you truly are that insanely intelligent, dark, brooding dude that I intially thought you were.

 

You just PRETEND to be all funny and nice and charming in the forums. Hmpf, shady mofo.

 

Oh well, I love you anyway! I'll still stalk you anyway.