[AFriendlyFace] Buy Me A Drink

[AFriendlyFace]

Hi all!

 

Chapter 10: Breaking Up With My Boyfriend is now available! This is the final chapter of BMAD! Click here to check it out! Please let me know what you thought of the story and of the specific chapter!

 

Chapter 9: I Can't Even Think Straight is now available! Click here to check it out. Please let me know what you think!

 

Chapter 8: Turning Japanese is now available. Click here to read it.

 

Chapter 7: The Greatest Story Ever Told is also now available (in this thread I'm afraid). In honor of this chapter I also just started a new poll for this thread. Let me know what you guys think!

 

Chapter 6: The Truth Hurts is now available

 

Chapter 5:The Name Game is now available here!

 

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Chapter 5: The Name Game is now available here!

 

I hope you enjoy it

 

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Hi everyone!

 

Chapter 4: The Eyes Have It is now available here.

 

Please let me know what you guys think!

 

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Hey everyone!

Chapter three is up!

 

Please click here to check it out.

 

I hope you guys like it! Please let me know what you thought

 

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Hey guys! Chapter two is now available!

 

Please click here to check it out!

 

Then please let me know what you thought via forum post, review, or PM! (or any combination thereof if you're feeling particularly chatty! )

 

_________________________

Hi everyone!

 

I've just begun releasing my new story, Buy Me A Drink.

 

Please check out the first chapter, Hot Mess, and let me know what you thought!

 

This story is complete and a new chapter will be released at least once per week until all chapters are posted. However, there may or may not be a sequel and much will depend on the feedback and interest the story receives!

 

Even if you hated it, or found it very boring please let me know your thoughts and comments!

 

Thanks and take care,

Kevin

Edited July 29, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[sat8997]

Kevin, I am so happy to see this posted.

 

You guys are in for a treat with this one.

[Dravenn]

There's not going to be much constructive criticism from me I'm afraid, only lots of praise and a fair amount of envy of your writing talent.

 

Right from the beginning I was hooked on the narrator's voice and his conversational style. Extremely well written, you even managed to weave the dreaded backstory in without disrupting the pace or tone.

 

There are a fair few characters to introduce early on, but you do that in a lively, amusing way giving each character a distinct style. Already I find myself taking a liking to Daisy, I love bitchy queens and their classic one liners.

 

I like the way Aaron is surprised to find himself being taken in by Ben even though he knows he's a slut, and I just know something is going to happen between there. Although I do wonder what it is with Mick and the fact he doesn't date, I'm sure there's more of a story there too.

 

My only negative comment is that I hated having to stop reading, especially as I had zoned out to what was going on around me and became totally immersed in the story. That's a good sign by the way. It doesn't happen often with stuff I read online, although I find it occurs more and more with the quality of stories on this particular site. I should hate you all as I sit and fester in my jealousy

 

Anyway, I hope you're not going to make me wait a week before you post another chapter. Too cruel. And there must be a sequel, if the rest of the story is as good as the first chapter, which I suspect it might be, I'm sure you'll be left with no option but to write one.

[GaryK]

Hey Kevvers. I can't add anything meaningful that Dravenn hasn't already stated. I absolutely love your style of writing. As always Sharon has done a superb job of editing.

Edited May 23, 2008 by GaryInMiami

[Dion]

I'm hooked. A week is going to be way too long to wait.

 

Excellent start, Kevin!

[Tiff]

My God man, why haven't you written anything before? Or have you? You're really good!

 

I love the narration and the sarcastic thoughts that go through his mind. He's quite a character--confident, fun, and quirky.

 

The whole concept of 'Buy me a Drink aka Bmad' as he searches for someone to bring home while getting free drinks in the process was interesting. I don't know where you're going with this yet, or what develops, but I look forward to finding out.

 

Oh and I really like his straight best friend. THe whole fake boyfriend thing and then cheese fries as their routine...very cute. I always appreciate it when the characters are good friends.

 

Yay for being completed. I'd like to wait until the story is completed before reading, but I'm horribly impatient, so I doubt that will go over well.

[old bob]

My God man, why haven't you written anything before? Or have you? You're really good!

I love the narration and the sarcastic thoughts that go through his mind.

I love also both; it's really the first time I found in GA a story with such an humor, with a character laughing of himself.

Kevin, Thanks a lot for the pleasure I had to read this first chapter

I was laughing from the beginning to the end .

Comparing to your posts, comments and blogs, Aaron is speaking like you, thinking like you, feeling like you. And I prove it : "I

[AFriendlyFace]

Kevin, I am so happy to see this posted.

 

You guys are in for a treat with this one.

Thanks Sharon!

 

There's not going to be much constructive criticism from me I'm afraid, only lots of praise and a fair amount of envy of your writing talent.

 

Right from the beginning I was hooked on the narrator's voice and his conversational style. Extremely well written, you even managed to weave the dreaded backstory in without disrupting the pace or tone.

 

There are a fair few characters to introduce early on, but you do that in a lively, amusing way giving each character a distinct style. Already I find myself taking a liking to Daisy, I love bitchy queens and their classic one liners.

 

I like the way Aaron is surprised to find himself being taken in by Ben even though he knows he's a slut, and I just know something is going to happen between there. Although I do wonder what it is with Mick and the fact he doesn't date, I'm sure there's more of a story there too.

 

My only negative comment is that I hated having to stop reading, especially as I had zoned out to what was going on around me and became totally immersed in the story. That's a good sign by the way. It doesn't happen often with stuff I read online, although I find it occurs more and more with the quality of stories on this particular site. I should hate you all as I sit and fester in my jealousy

 

Anyway, I hope you're not going to make me wait a week before you post another chapter. Too cruel. And there must be a sequel, if the rest of the story is as good as the first chapter, which I suspect it might be, I'm sure you'll be left with no option but to write one.

Wow, thanks Dravenn!! I really appreciate that! I was going for a very conversational style with Aaron's voice. The way I see it some of the most interesting, amusing, and often insightful things are thought but never actually vocalized. I also wanted to explore the disconnect which often exists between people's thoughts and people's words and actions. I suspect most of us have been in the position of having the little person inside our heads shocked at what was actually coming out of mouths.

 

Personally speaking when it comes to writing I can't stand to spend a great deal of time all in one chunk, and especially not at the beginning, giving a ton of backstory and exposition. In this case I'm pretty 'lucky', because apart from what Aaron has 'observed' about the others he really only even has backstory on himself, Mick, and Jake. For everyone else it'll have to come out more gradually as he gets to know them anyway

 

Hey Kevvers. I can't add anything meaningful that Dravenn hasn't already stated. I absolutely love your style of writing. As always Sharon has done a superb job of editing.

Thank you, Gary!

 

I'm hooked. A week is going to be way too long to wait.

 

Excellent start, Kevin!

Thanks, Dion! It is possible I'll decide to release chapter 2 early, but really it's all dependent on how much writing I can get done. I don't want to get to the end of the series and then have to make everyone wait a month for the next part, so I probably won't start releasing chapters early until I get further along with the next bit. LOL, after I do I'll be just as impatient to get them out there to see what everyone thinks anyway!

 

My God man, why haven't you written anything before? Or have you? You're really good!

 

I love the narration and the sarcastic thoughts that go through his mind. He's quite a character--confident, fun, and quirky.

Thanks! Very little of what I write ever makes it beyond one chapter before I either lose interest or decide it sucks.

 

I was very nervous about releasing this story because the only other thing I have posted was the beginning chapters of Indefensible, which I was actually really pleased with. BMAD's style is completely different from that. I attempted to infuse Indefensible with humour as well, but the general narration and style are pretty dissimilar. The focus is also very different. I don't want to reveal too much about either story, but I will say that Indefensible is supposed to be primarily character driven whereas BMAD will actually move along primarily based on plot and events within the story.

 

 

The whole concept of 'Buy me a Drink aka Bmad' as he searches for someone to bring home while getting free drinks in the process was interesting. I don't know where you're going with this yet, or what develops, but I look forward to finding out.

Thanks! I will say that this is the last chapter in which Ben is primarily referred to as 'Bmad'. I was thinking it might get a bit confusing with that being not only the likely abbreviation for the story, but also the name of the one of the main characters

 

Also of course as things develop and they get to know each other better I think it would have been odd for Aaron to continue calling him that.

 

 

Oh and I really like his straight best friend. THe whole fake boyfriend thing and then cheese fries as their routine...very cute. I always appreciate it when the characters are good friends.

 

Yay for being completed. I'd like to wait until the story is completed before reading, but I'm horribly impatient, so I doubt that will go over well.

Awww, well I can understand wanting to wait, but I also kinda hope you follow along and let me know what you think as we go!

 

I love also both; it's really the first time I found in GA a story with such an humor, with a character laughing of himself.

Kevin, Thanks a lot for the pleasure I had to read this first chapter

I was laughing from the beginning to the end .

Comparing to your posts, comments and blogs, Aaron is speaking like you, thinking like you, feeling like you. And I prove it : "I

Edited May 23, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[Tiger]

I must brag a little. I love the presentation of this story and how everything is a little relaxed. I also look forward to seeing how things go for the main character. He's a bit of a party boi. Anyway, I am definitely honored to be the beta reader for this story. It's shaping up to be a very interesting series.

 

Gary, that mention is also an "ahem" to you about me being the beta reader.

Edited May 23, 2008 by Tiger

[sat8997]

As always Sharon has done a superb job of editing.

 

 

Gary, that mention is also an "ahem" to you about me being the beta reader.

 

[Mikie]

Reading the first chapter of your story was extremely amusing...

 

I normally dislike the writing style you chose to write in, but I surprisingly really enjoyed your use of it. Maybe it's because I understand it much more than past stories I've read which are written in similar styles. You can blame Mark Twain for the general dislike though... haha. Anyways, great job using the style that you did and keeping it interesting, understandable, and humourous.

 

Like Tiff, I have no idea where the story was going, but you better bet I'll be reading the next chapter...

 

Keep it up!

~Mikie

[Tiger]

I think we are all wondering where the story. Yes, that includes me. I must say that what I have seen is pretty good, but I cannot say anymore than that.

[AFriendlyFace]

I must brag a little. I love the presentation of this story and how everything is a little relaxed. I also look forward to seeing how things go for the main character. He's a bit of a party boi. Anyway, I am definitely honored to be the beta reader for this story. It's shaping up to be a very interesting series.

 

Gary, that mention is also an "ahem" to you about me being the beta reader.

Awww Thanks Tim! and I most honoured to have you as a beta reader too!

 

Reading the first chapter of your story was extremely amusing...

 

I normally dislike the writing style you chose to write in, but I surprisingly really enjoyed your use of it. Maybe it's because I understand it much more than past stories I've read which are written in similar styles. You can blame Mark Twain for the general dislike though... haha. Anyways, great job using the style that you did and keeping it interesting, understandable, and humourous.

 

Like Tiff, I have no idea where the story was going, but you better bet I'll be reading the next chapter...

 

Keep it up!

~Mikie

Wow! Thanks Mikie! LOL, I know you didn't actually compare me to Mark Twain, but I still appreciate being mentioned in the same paragraph (that is without something like "unlike the very talented Mark Twain, Kevin...." )

 

I'm really glad you're going to keep reading!!

 

I think we are all wondering where the story. Yes, that includes me. I must say that what I have seen is pretty good, but I cannot say anymore than that.

Hehe, well I'll send you a couple more chapters then!

 

 

Just out of curiosity, did anyone have any thoughts on how Aaron acted around Ben? Like how he didn't want to get involved with him, then he did? Or how he did want to go upstairs and mess around with him but didn't?

 

How did that come across to you guys? I wanted him to be conflicted on these points but of course I also wanted to keep things realistic.

Edited May 24, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[NickolasJames8]

Nice start, Kevin. I loved the way you set everything up, in a systematic way that capured my attention right off the bat. We know who all the characters are, and what their roll is, at least in the first chapter, and yet you left plenty of wiggle room for further development, just like Indefensible.

 

NOW

 

Are you planning to continue with Indefensible? You're an amazing writer, and I think that whatever you write is awesome. I personally have been waiting for several dozen weeks for the next chapter of Indefensible to drop, but I can be sated with regular chapter updates of BMAD.

[old bob]

Just out of curiosity, did anyone have any thoughts on how Aaron acted around Ben? Like how he didn't want to get involved with him, then he did? Or how he did want to go upstairs and mess around with him but didn't?

How did that come across to you guys? I wanted him to be conflicted on these points but of course I also wanted to keep things realistic.

The conflict is well described as a fact. On one side he is proud to be "elected", on the other he is afraid to be "leaded" by somebody else. Is like a kid getting a cake or an ice cream from somebody he doesn't know: eating it or not? the cake could be poisoned. Springing in the swimming pool or leaving the diving board? The water could be too cold ?

Do I answer your question ?

Shyness, lack of courage, dreamer, not ready to dive in the real world, or mistrust about Ben's group ? The choice is open, and the reader has "water in his mouth" ( It's a French expression "avoir l'eau

Edited May 24, 2008 by old bob

[steph]

Just out of curiosity, did anyone have any thoughts on how Aaron acted around Ben? Like how he didn't want to get involved with him, then he did? Or how he did want to go upstairs and mess around with him but didn't?

 

How did that come across to you guys? I wanted him to be conflicted on these points but of course I also wanted to keep things realistic.

Well, the turn around when Aaron dropped Bmad Ben off was rather abrupt. We didn't have the benefit of hearing why he made that decision.

 

Originally, I expected Aaron to say that Mick was his boyfriend. So, I was surprised that he seemed to toally forget about that. I thought he had agreed to the whole fake-boyfriend thing, so he could safely observe without participating in the meat market (like Mick). Of course, Aaron never admitted to this (because he can't analyze himself!), but he also never said why he agreed to do it, right? Anyhoo, I figured he was shy and inexperienced, too, and he only agreed to go along with Bmad Ben because his little head was speaking for him. I like how he was confused that things just popped out of his mouth.

 

Oh, and I have a request... I want Aaron to get together with Cosmo Dave! Can't wait for the next chapter!

[AFriendlyFace]

Nice start, Kevin. I loved the way you set everything up, in a systematic way that capured my attention right off the bat. We know who all the characters are, and what their roll is, at least in the first chapter, and yet you left plenty of wiggle room for further development, just like Indefensible.

Wow! Thanks Nick! I really appreciate that!

NOW

 

Are you planning to continue with Indefensible? You're an amazing writer, and I think that whatever you write is awesome. I personally have been waiting for several dozen weeks for the next chapter of Indefensible to drop, but I can be sated with regular chapter updates of BMAD.

I am definitely planning to continue with Indefensible. In fact actually the story that's still nearest to my heart. Indefensible was always supposed to be a rather 'big' story, I wanted to really thoroughly examine all my main characters and get inside their heads. I also have a very long, and complicated plot planned out for the story, and I wanted to explore some really serious moral/legal/ethical issues with it.

 

I guess 'what happened', was a combination of things. First of all I simply got really busy and didn't have much time to work on it. Primarily though I would say the problem came from lacking inspiration on the particular part of the Mikie/Jeff story that I was up to.

 

The Mikie/Jeff story is pretty much what unites and drives the whole story, and without it I could still write a story about the others, but it wouldn't really be as good, IMO. In general I'm very eager to tell Mikie/Jeff's story, in fact their story was the initial inspiration for the whole tale. As I said, I just lost inspiration to write the particular part I was up to which IS essential if the story's going to continue.

 

Anyway, as I said I definitely plan to continue with it. My general writing plans are to knock out the sequel to BMAD and then go straight back into Indefensible. In terms of a time table for release, ideally I want to continue releasing about one chapter of BMAD a week, then go straight into the sequel. As soon as I'm several chapters ahead on Indefensible I'll probably start releasing that simultaneously with Bmad/sequel since they're such different stories anyway. Realistically though it'll probably take me awhile before I'm DONE writing the sequel AND ahead on Indefensible, but as soon as that does happen I will start re-releasing Indefensible. Unfortunately as a rough estimate I would say that'll be at least 5 for 6 months

 

Rest assured that that I WILL finish Indefensible and once it starts again I'm going to do absolutely everything I can to keep from having another big break in the releasing schedule.

 

Thanks for asking about it, Nick

 

The conflict is well described as a fact. On one side he is proud to be "elected", on the other he is afraid to be "leaded" by somebody else. Is like a kid getting a cake or an ice cream from somebody he doesn't know: eating it or not? the cake could be poisoned. Springing in the swimming pool or leaving the diving board? The water could be too cold ?

Do I answer your question ?

Shyness, lack of courage, dreamer, not ready to dive in the real world, or mistrust about Ben's group ? The choice is open, and the reader has "water in his mouth" ( It's a French expression "avoir l'eau

[Dion]

It is possible I'll decide to release chapter 2 early, but really it's all dependent on how much writing I can get done.

*folds arms... taps foot*

[Daisy]

Yep, good start!! I liked it, you're definitly a good writer. I sometimes do what Aaron did about dithering on decisions and sometimes doing the exact opposite of what you would have actually really liked to have done, some reason sabatoging myself but not necessarily making a concious decision to do it. while at other times completley suprising myself with things I do/say as in the first bit with the drink.

 

Soo. is that what your research is going to be based on?

 

Take care, and happy writing,

Celia

[Tiff]

The more I think about Aaron, the more I like him. The 'whole racing thoughts' just cracks me up. I wonder what the look on his face is like while he's doing this speedy thinking. Is it 'deer caught in headlights' or blank, or just confused.

 

Now I wonder what my face looks like when I'm trying to make a decision or going through an inner dialogue in my head. Kevin, see what your writing does to me?? It makes me think of very random stuff when I should be focusing on summer school!

 

I think the reason why I like Aaron the most is because he's so real and everyone has a bit of him in them. We do something we shouldn't do, or we don't do something we really wanted to. A great portrayal of the everyday person.

 

Btw, thank goodness Aaron doesn't talk to himself out loud. Sometimes people do that when making decisions. I admit, on occasion, I've done that, but I try to limit that to my car, or at home otherwise, people will think I'm crazy :wacko:

[snowy owl]

well, i'm defintely waiting for everything that's coming after! you can't write fast enough!

[AFriendlyFace]

Yep, good start!! I liked it, you're definitly a good writer. I sometimes do what Aaron did about dithering on decisions and sometimes doing the exact opposite of what you would have actually really liked to have done, some reason sabatoging myself but not necessarily making a concious decision to do it. while at other times completley suprising myself with things I do/say as in the first bit with the drink.

LOL, exactly! That sort of thing happens to me sometimes.

 

The most extreme example I can think of was once several years ago when I went into a Subway Sandwich Shop and ordered a sandwich. I got to the condiments section and clear as day said, "Extra Mayo please!" Only to immediately throw my arms up and blurt out, "Wait! I hate mayo!" The last thing I wanted to order was extra mayo. In fact I was probably thinking more along the lines of "everything but mayo" or "plenty of mustard, but no mayo". My only excuse is that I must have somehow been thinking wouldn't it be awful if I got..."extra mayo"

 

 

Now I wonder what my face looks like when I'm trying to make a decision or going through an inner dialogue in my head. Kevin, see what your writing does to me?? It makes me think of very random stuff when I should be focusing on summer school!

LOL, it's doing that to me too! I should be focusing on my own classes instead!

 

well, i'm defintely waiting for everything that's coming after! you can't write fast enough!

YAY! Thanks, Hedi! And welcome to GA! I'm glad you're enjoying the story!

 

-Kevin

Edited May 27, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[C James]

Also, if CJ doesn't mind me employing his tradition of releasing the name of the next chapter, I'll announce that it's called: "One For Later"

 

I think that's great!

 

Kevin, this is a great start! I very muck liked the conversational style and also the depth you manged to develop in the first chapter.

This is really good!

 

The one very minor constructive thought I had was that perhaps Aaron's name could have been mentioned a little earlier.

 

I also loved the chapter title; "Hot mess" is sure an eyecatcher!

[Tiger]

I think that's great!

 

Kevin, this is a great start! I very muck liked the conversational style and also the depth you manged to develop in the first chapter.

This is really good!

 

The one very minor constructive thought I had was that perhaps Aaron's name could have been mentioned a little earlier.

 

I also loved the chapter title; "Hot mess" is sure an eyecatcher!

 

I have heard of the idea of actually not ever revealing the 1st-person character's name and leaving it a mystery. That actually sounds interesting to me.

 

 

Yes, I definitely love the title. In fact, I like all the titles so far. I won't reveal the names of them, but I can say that I like them.

[steph]

I have heard of the idea of actually not ever revealing the 1st-person character's name and leaving it a mystery. That actually sounds interesting to me.

As a reviewer, I'd hate that, because I'd sit there, saying 'crap! what the heck was his name!' and blame my faulty memory. I actually liked how Kevin dropped it into the story naturally.