Jump to content

Eleven Perfect Numbers


Recommended Posts

Click here to read.

 

SUMMARY: Mikolos wakes up, goes to work, comes home, eats, writes, writes some more, thinks, remembers, feels like crap, and presses delete. How to find meaning in the vapid ennui of a quarter life crisis?

 

Please leave a review! :)

Link to comment

Damn, Corvus, how do you do that? I'm so ridiculously impressed with your ability to put yourself in the mind of people with vastly different life experiences from your own. Like a man with Alzheimer's disease, or a married man with regrets. In this story, you take the point of view of someone going through a quarter-life crisis, even though you, yourself, are only 19, and you completely nail it! I went through it a few years ago and ended up quitting my job and taking off on a backpacking trip around the world. The monotony, the need for escape, the borderline self-destructiveness just to test the meaning of everything... you capture it all perfectly, and I wonder how that can be. You have an uncanny ability to throw in truisms like:

 

People usually keep friends that they meet at the start of things. In college, people in your intro classes of freshman year, or the buddies in your first year dorm, are those most likely to stick around. It's nothing to do with compatible interests or personalities or taste. There's only the fact that you're scared shitless in the beginning, and everyone else is scared shitless in the beginning, and there's a memory of that fear that's irrevocable, like scratchings on glass.

 

In one paragraph, you've astutely captured what happens to people when they're a few years out of school and looking to forge new connections with people, especially in a large anonymous city, and finding it maddeningly difficult.

 

Or, this gem:

A year and two months ago, I began to hate my job. Getting out of bed was a torment (more than it usually was). My cubicle became my prison. My chair grew spines. While in college, I had never hated my classes so much. There was always the knowledge that every class would end in less than four months. I'd had this job for two years already. I'd never expected to love it, but I had counted on it being tolerable.

 

And that's the thing about jobs, too. Even the best of them start to get grating after a while because they don't change. Students get accustomed to the constantly-changing schedule of college semesters, and then they're asked to adapt to working indefinitely at the same job, with only a couple of weeks of vacation to break the monotony. No wonder people hop around from job to job so much.

 

There was a small Greek community in Buffalo, where I grew up. I can't remember there being a Greek-street, or even authentic restaurants my mom didn't complain about. But she'd managed, through the years, to root out fellow Greeks and track their "progress." By the time I was in London, half of them were engaged. It was like a shooting range.

 

"Do you remember Jon, Mikolos? Yes, that one. He's engaged to this German girl he met in college. She's a biologist. I heard they have a very high starting salary."

 

Oh god! That's so typical! I get that all the time, about the Jewish community here in Montreal. So-and-so is engaged. So-and-so just finished his medical residency. So-and-so just had a baby. (Lately, everyone's having babies. It's the latest trendy accessory, like a Prada purse, but more expensive). It's as though people I have no connection with other than we just so happened to be the same age and in the same grade at the same high school are eternally in some sort of race, and apparently I'm losing, even though I never signed up to compete.

 

Anyway, all that to say, I think your story is brilliant. I especially like how you haven't tried to give it a firm resolution. We can guess what will happen, but you didn't define it one way or the other, which is much more realistic in this case. Thank you for publishing this!

Link to comment

You're an asshole, man. Out of all the 'moody' writing you've ever done, this is by far the most gut-wrenching. OK, I don't know that for sure, but I dare not read over your other stuff again because I don't want to be more bummed out than I already am.

 

I'm at my school computer lab and I've decided to print out your story, which I rarely do. Like CR said, you really captured this listless, lost, sad, and sometimes hopeless quality a lot of us go through, especially post college (although you're still in school, but you manage to plant yourself in any situation and write about it realistically--then again, maybe you're experiencing the same things as the main character?? I always wonder if you ever add any tidbits of your personal life in your stories.)

 

I can't put into words how I really feel, because i feel so many things with your story. I'm not as articulate as CR! LOL. But, God, doing a job you hate, dealing with the pressure from family, from society, and hiding who you are....or craving a future (as a writer) that may never happen. It's being hopeful and hopeless at the same time; the main character does his job during the day, and engages in his passion at night. It's like he's making the best of a situation that he deosn't know will pan out...

 

Dude, your story almost makes me want to cry. What a shitty future ahead of me...getting the crummy job I hate just to pay the bills. That's why I called you an asshole. I meant it in an endearing way...um, yeah. :P

 

Great job!

 

BTW, I hope you publish something one day. Maybe a collection of short stories? I'll buy it and stalk you to get it autographed. I'll yell: I know this guy!!!

Link to comment

Cynical Romantic -- Thanks for the reply! :) I'm glad you enjoyed this story and that it resonated with you. That is the most important thing to me as a writer, that I can make a reader think, "Gawd, that *is* what it's like!" It's all about connecting and communication, so responses like yours justify my existence. :P

 

I'm flattered by how impressed you are with my ability to stick myself in other peoples' shoes, but the feelings of a QLC (quarter life crisis) are hardly unique to the age of 25; going to college was such a paradigm shift for me. And you've managed to define something I'd wondered about: 'the borderline self-destructiveness just to test the meaning of everything' -- so that's why I'm a developing alcoholic! :D jk

 

My friends haven't started popping babies yet, thank goodness, but it's a matter of time. That Mikolos ends the story on a rather hopeful note is probably a preemptive strike on my part. :P Again, thanks!

 

---

 

Tiff -- hah, my ego is waiting to autograph you a copy! :P

 

I'm pleased this story resonated with you, as it did with CR. I had the same kind of feeling when I was reading Lessing's The Golden Notebook; I kept thinking, 'This is like me, and it's *horrible*!' At the same time, I don't think Mikolos's story is really that much of a bummer. I mean, there's a lot of angst-wading, but he's rather hopeful at the end. If I wrote a completely bleak ending, that'd mean I was expecting the same for myself, wouldn't it? :P I guess you could say I did put my own experiences in the story, although it's more the feeling than the experience (my mom is a lot nicer... for now).

 

Again, thanks for the review. And I'm sure your future won't be shitty. :)

Link to comment

Nice Story Corv. I agree with tiff and cr, I can relate on some level not all, But with like routine of work and how even the most fun one at first, becomes sh***y. and how mothers can put pressure on you. I do however want to slap Mikolos....

 

With parents I don't think having high expectations on children is the best epically when we do not reach it. Honestly just be happy for them.

 

 

Oh and most of my friends have broke up with their boyfriends and girlfriends, but one is a single dad.

Edited by Drewbie
Link to comment

i'll have to trust the opinions of your other reviewers and assume i missed something in the reading of this story. it just didn't feel right to me and i cannot put it into words that do the feelings justice. i guess the best i can do is say i was constantly confused about what was going on. was the story meant to be somewhat confusing? do i need to go back and read it again? please tell me because this story lacked that something special i've grown accustomed to in your stories and if i missed it i want to take another stab at it.

Link to comment

Drewbie -- Thanks for the comment, and why do you want to slap Mikolos?? :blink: But that's okay, you can slap him if you like. :D

 

Gene -- Thanks for the feedback. I'm not sure what you're missing, but it could be a linear plot. That does make things confusing. The whole thing is basically an amalgamation of thoughts and flashbacks Mikolos has over the course of a week. I'd encourage you to take another stab, but feel free to drop it if you feel like it. And I'm rather pleased that you've been finding "something special" in my stories... :)

Link to comment
Drewbie -- Thanks for the comment, and why do you want to slap Mikolos?? :blink: But that's okay, you can slap him if you like. :D

 

Gene -- Thanks for the feedback. I'm not sure what you're missing, but it could be a linear plot. That does make things confusing. The whole thing is basically an amalgamation of thoughts and flashbacks Mikolos has over the course of a week. I'd encourage you to take another stab, but feel free to drop it if you feel like it. And I'm rather pleased that you've been finding "something special" in my stories... :)

 

Way he's acting, kinda seemed he was forgeting his boyfriend, now ex it seems.

Link to comment

This could easily be made into a longer story and possibly it would benefit from that -- I think it would.

 

There are many things I liked about it, such as

 

a ) the tone that changes from (kind of) cynical to hopeful,

 

b ) the real life feeling given by drool and shitting and such, which is there but not in too large doses like in that book I should be reading by Sasa Stanisic, and

 

c ) the many truths we get to see through Mikolos's eyes throughout the story, and the universal things he experiences... I'll give some examples:

 

'even though I know tonight's escapade will only widen the emptiness in my soul tonight, I say yes, let's go.' (Don't we all do it, and doesn't it give you a horrible feeling...)

 

'he's never asked the most obvious question of all -- why? Why pump out so many words into the magnetic oblivion of hard drives and blogs? And there's no good answer, because writing is a habit that becomes meaningless after the first ideas have come and gone. It's the same as discovering how fun it is to jack off and then running out of cum before running out of horniness. It can leave a dry, achy feeling in one's dick.' -- Yeah, it certainly does feel meaningless sometimes, luckily not always. But too often maybe.

 

I also loved all the parts with his mother, which were totally realistic (and funny in a Seinfeld sort of way), and the imaginary convo between 'me' and 'scott', ending with 'This is my imaginary conversation, and you can now shut up.' -- I wish I could make my imaginary convos end sometimes, but it doesn't always work...

 

You had some trouble with the beginning, however, as I think I told you -- I think that's probably the reason some people didn't go on reading the whole story (and reviewing), and the reason that Gene may have felt it wasn't up to your usual standards. It was a bit too much like London Preppy's blog but not as funny.

 

The ending was great though, and maybe the best part of this story -- it was so hopeful, it felt like the beginning of something new and beautiful.

Link to comment

Procyon -- thanks for the review. :) I don't think I want to expand this, although the general feeling and setup -- an episodic, "real life" sort of story -- certainly has a lot potential. Although I know the beginning isn't as fun to read, I still believe that it needs the austerity to make the ending as marked as it is.

Link to comment

I think this is a very brave story; that is what impresses me most about your work. Not just the absolute speed of your developing craftsmanship, but your willingness to ...well...not so much look at the uncomfortable stuff as glare at it. And calmly, deliberately, defiantly, shining a spare, harsh, unforgiving light.

 

It's uncomfortable reading for me, in the best possible way. I'm just so impressed with it.

Link to comment
I think this is a very brave story; that is what impresses me most about your work. Not just the absolute speed of your developing craftsmanship, but your willingness to ...well...not so much look at the uncomfortable stuff as glare at it. And calmly, deliberately, defiantly, shining a spare, harsh, unforgiving light.

 

It's uncomfortable reading for me, in the best possible way. I'm just so impressed with it.

 

Thanks, Duncan. This sounds a bit maudlin, but I think you understand exactly what I'm trying to get achieve with this piece, and just how hard it can be; sometimes I believe this sort of thing is the sole redemption of our art. :D And thanks for the review!

Link to comment
i'll have to trust the opinions of your other reviewers and assume i missed something in the reading of this story. it just didn't feel right to me and i cannot put it into words that do the feelings justice. i guess the best i can do is say i was constantly confused about what was going on. was the story meant to be somewhat confusing? do i need to go back and read it again? please tell me because this story lacked that something special i've grown accustomed to in your stories and if i missed it i want to take another stab at it.

Try reading it again. If you're just focusing on Corv's structure and getting caught in the wording/sentences, which might not flow smothly enough to your liking, then you're missing out on the deeper meaning of this story. Try to get into the head of the main character and imagine what he's feeling. If you do that, then the entire story will make sense as a whole.

 

My favorite passage, I forget what number it is, is when Mikolos says how tired and bored he is at work, how he hates his job. I think almost everyone can relate to that.

 

Way he's acting, kinda seemed he was forgeting his boyfriend, now ex it seems.

Well, I would agree with you Drewbie, but Mikolos and, what was the bf's name? Scott? Just call him BF! LOL. Mikolos and BF aren't really in love. They're just together for the sake of being together, they settled into a routine, and security is always easier than going off and finding someone they love. Mikolos and the BF even know that they could break it off and find someone new, but they have an unspoken agreement not to. No one wants to be alone...so they settle. Or the idea of really being vulnerable to find "the one" is too daunting. Either way, I'm not too sure what really happens at the end. It's that open-endedness that I love. The BF left, but for his sick mother, right? So did they break up, are they taking a break, only to resume later? Who knows. But I don't think Mikolos is slap worthy...

Link to comment
Try reading it again. If you're just focusing on Corv's structure and getting caught in the wording/sentences, which might not flow smothly enough to your liking, then you're missing out on the deeper meaning of this story.

if i'm getting caught in the words/sentences which might not flow smoothly then isn't that a problem that needs to be addressed? imo the author needs to make me understand what he or she is trying to write about. i shouldn't have to struggle with that. i'm not so shallow of mind that i don't want to search for the deeper meaning in anything i read. but i can't find that meaning if the flow of the story is so awkward i can't understand it. corvus, again please understand i'm not trying to be mean to you. i appreciate your efforts. it takes a lot of guts just to write something and put it out there for people to read it and comment on it. i could never do that and for that my hat's off to you.

Link to comment
if i'm getting caught in the words/sentences which might not flow smoothly then isn't that a problem that needs to be addressed? imo the author needs to make me understand what he or she is trying to write about. i shouldn't have to struggle with that. i'm not so shallow of mind that i don't want to search for the deeper meaning in anything i read. but i can't find that meaning if the flow of the story is so awkward i can't understand it. corvus, again please understand i'm not trying to be mean to you. i appreciate your efforts. it takes a lot of guts just to write something and put it out there for people to read it and comment on it. i could never do that and for that my hat's off to you.

 

As I've said, I welcome all sorts of feedback, so of course I don't think you're trying to be mean to me. :) My stories won't please everyone, and maybe "Eleven Perfect Numbers" just isn't your cup of tea. I will take little time to defend my stylistic decisions, though. I wanted a fragmented narrative both macroscopically (separate numbers delineating "stations") and microscopically (abrupt subject changes, prose that was rather curt in certain sections) to enact Mikolos's aimlessness, and to better portray -- via scattered "illuminations" -- his life and current situation. I didn't think that a linear story could adequately convey his predicament. Mikolos himself more drifts than moves, and that's what the style should reflect.

 

To address your words about an author's prerogative, I agree that the creator does need to throw out a rope to his/her audience, but the audience bears the burden of catching the rope. I know we've both done our part -- you in your thoughtful response and reading, mine in my writing -- so I believe this is just one of those things that don't click. That's perfectly fine.

 

That said, I'm more than willing to hear specific feedback, such as examples of lines that you felt did not flow smoothly, etc. I won't mind if you decide to post such criticisms publicly, but you're welcomed to PM as well.

Link to comment

i think it would be pointless of me to cite specific sentences that i don't think flow smoothly. first because there are a lot of them. secondly because it's not so much specific sentences i had a problem with. rather it's the way the story was constructed. i do understand that you intended it to have a wandering/drifting feeling to it in order to reflect mikolos' general state of mind. i'll admit to having a problem comprehending stories that are non-linear. yours isn't the first one i've had this problem with. so in the end i suspect this is more my problem as a reader than your problem as the author. i see you're posting dismantle the sun again so i think the best thing for me to do is concede that eleven perfect numbers wasn't my kind of story and move on to a story i've very much been looking forward to reading more of. thank you again for putting so much effort into your stories. even the ones i don't quite get. it takes a lot of courage to write something and put it out there for everyone to read and critique. for that i shall admire you for as long as you continue to write.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..