Jump to content

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 4.8k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two men were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's it,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

  • Like 2
Link to comment

Two policemen call the station on the radio.

 

"Hey, Sarge?"

"Yes?"

"We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean."

"Have you arrested the woman?"

"No sir.... The floor is still wet."

Edited by MikeL
  • Like 4
Link to comment

Okay guys, this image is somewhat inappropriate, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED, but here is the link:

 

Christmas Vacuum

 

It's not too bad, but still... hope it made you chuckle :)

 

I guess there's a reason it says "ho ho ho" on the outside ... :D

  • Like 1
Link to comment

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3 a.m in the morning and it's pouring down rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! "God loves drunk people, too, you know."

The man gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
  • Site Administrator

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear

Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair

Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy

Wuzzy? :lol:

OMG when I was a kid I used to say that with my grandpa all the time. lol  The other one was Ooey Gooey. 

 

Ooey Gooey was a worm,

Ooey Gooey loved to squirm.

He came upon the railroad tracks,

the train he did not see...

ooey gooey!

10413312_406030806267771_705096576008375

  • Like 2
Link to comment

Here's some math jokes and puns: 

 

math1.gif

7779752_f520.jpg

 

Math has its funny moments! :rofl:

 

This one is not a joke, but it is cute!

NerdLove1.pngToo cute!!! :D(Don't judge me, have you seen my profile pic? :P )

Edited by Drew Espinosa
  • Like 5
Link to comment
  • Site Administrator

Here's some math jokes and puns: 

 

math1.gif

7779752_f520.jpg

 

Math has its funny moments! :rofl:

 

This one is not a joke, but it is cute!

NerdLove1.pngToo cute!!! :D(Don't judge me, have you seen my profile pic? :P )

I have always been terrible at math.  I don't understand any of these!  :/  lol

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause:

When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck.".

Edited by MikeL
  • Like 3
Link to comment

More Math Jokes and Puns!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

49530-Math-pun-sPt9.jpeg Oh look, eight times of Myself!!! :lol:

tumblr_mz0juoccUL1ra7rzwo1_500.jpg  :funny: :funny: :funny:

drink-and-derive-math-pun.jpg PSA message from Newton! :lmao:

 

For all you terrible at math, here's something to appreciate :rofl: :

49533-Math-pun-yM58.jpeg  :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

 

And this one is really funny (although incorrect notation -_- )

Math-Jokes-math-20787065-550-400.jpg Well... I don't know the feeling ^_^

Edited by Drew Espinosa
  • Like 3
Link to comment
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..