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Apparently no one proofread these headlines:

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

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A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

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Rainbow sheep?

 

lol yea.  A friend of mine used to say that he didn't want to be the black sheep of his family...he preferred to be known as the hot pink and glitter sheep.  The rainbow sheep reminded me of him :*)

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Hahahahaha At least it'll be windy so the fart clouds will blow away.  :gikkle: 

 

1900060_1296672340362216_728604540953642

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Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a  sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.  (Winston Churchill loved them) 

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright  until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it  in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to  tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my  desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of  emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the  street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a  successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute  to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so  they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever  you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than  standing in a garage makes you a car. Amen.
And finally......... I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder  for me to find one now
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Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a  sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.  (Winston Churchill loved them) 

 

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of  emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

 

 

 

DOCTOR WHO???  :P

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 :D :D :D MATH JOKES!!!: ISSUE #6 :D :D :D

41tLATKUCvL._SY300_.jpg Hmm... Does that mean I am crazy? :P

CC1p7MmWAAE_gtR.jpg:gikkle: :gikkle: :gikkle:

 

10963777_793591104051846_501471932_n.jpg Well Damn! What's the point in studying? :lol:

34deeccd59a2c8b8c99b96989b540ca3.jpg Aww!!! So adorable!!! :wub:

a8550a0a5c0a289ede4c0434431529b3.jpg  :D OMG!!! So Cute!!! :D

tumblr_lu86bvaqrW1r1z969.png:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

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