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Gotta Love the Jerks and Idiots


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I get a lot of forward emails from my mother-in-law, and here's one that I must share. I was raised in Georgia, so this doesn't come to a surprise to me, but below are sixteen comments that actual State Troopers told people that were taken off their car videos. I think we've all watched COPS or something of that sort, so i know these will hopefully be very enjoyable. Feel free to share your own comedy with either jerks or idiots :)

 

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the Shift Supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the Shift Supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Centre )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

16. "You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

 

 

 

This next one was another email entitled "Idiot Sightings" Enjoy.

 

1)When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'(This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS)

 

2)The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two.'We haven't used Sears repair since.

 

3) My daughter and I went through the Mc Donald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

 

4)I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'(From Kingman , KS)

 

5)My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.. (From Kansas City)

 

And the Kicker

 

6)How would you pronounce this child's name?

 

"Le-a"

 

 

 

Leah?? NO

 

Lee - A?? NOPE

 

Lay - a?? NO

 

Lei?? Guess Again.

 

 

 

This child attends a school in Kansas City , Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha." When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent." SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

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And the Kicker

 

6)How would you pronounce this child's name?

 

"Le-a"

 

 

 

Leah?? NO

 

Lee - A?? NOPE

 

Lay - a?? NO

 

Lei?? Guess Again.

 

 

 

This child attends a school in Kansas City , Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha." When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent." SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

 

That so totally has to be an 'urban legend' right up there with the woman who gave birth to twins and named them Lemonjello and Orangejello after the Jello selects on the menu. Funny but SO not true. But if someone can find a birth announcement for a Ledasha I'll believe it's true. :P

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That so totally has to be an 'urban legend' right up there with the woman who gave birth to twins and named them Lemonjello and Orangejello after the Jello selects on the menu. Funny but SO not true. But if someone can find a birth announcement for a Ledasha I'll believe it's true. :P

 

 

lol, yeah that one definatly caught me off guard. I mean, who in their right mind would name their child that and expect people to call her that, then again, if you take a moment and realise that there are a lot of people that are slightly "loopy" in that mind set, you'd think it was at least plausible.

 

Never heard of the Lemonjello and Orangejello though xD

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  • 3 weeks later...

That so totally has to be an 'urban legend' right up there with the woman who gave birth to twins and named them Lemonjello and Orangejello after the Jello selects on the menu. Funny but SO not true. But if someone can find a birth announcement for a Ledasha I'll believe it's true. Posted Image

 

Well I don't know about that but I was a teacher in a private school and figured I had seen some strange names and unlikely pronunciations but the worst had to be a student I had.

 

The name is Karen.

 

How would you pronounce it?

 

To me there is only one way - Karen. I have a cousin with that name.

 

I was informed I didn't know the name and should call it out correctly. I had been corrected by her and her parents.

 

For those of you wondering Karen is properly pronounced COR _ RIN. Makes perfect sense to me, not.

 

All I know is once this kid leaves school everyone she meets who sees her name is going to call her Karen.

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