[SidLove] The Life of Him

[SidLove]

I thought I should do this to get more exposure to my story. Fifth chapter of this story was posted yesterday, so if you haven't read it yet you haven't missed too much. You can catch up quickly enough.

 

About the story - It is from the point of view of a guy named Austin Reyes. He is quite a looker - a small town boy, a funny man, a great friend and a loving son. His life used to be quite normal, working as bartender serving the patrons, earning a decent income and checking out hot guys secretly; that is until a horrible incident happens to him. He is raped and it all ends up being a mess after that. His mother commits suicide, he loses his job and is forced to flee away from his own home to hide from his molester.

 

Ending up in a big city like Denver, Austin finds his life going back to normal. it gets better when a guy named Dylan Carver walks into it. Dylan is the hottest thing in the city and a porn actor by profession. They cross each other's paths and series of unexpected events begin to stir up the life of him...

 

 

Let me introduce you to the characters:

 

Austin Reyes - the main protagonist of the story and the narrator

Dylan Carver - Austin's potential love interest and a porn actor by profession

Liana Myles - Austin's childhood best friend, who takes him in when she finds him aimlessly wandering around Denver streets

Amy Roerig - Liana's room-mate and friend, having only one thing on her mind - sex!

Caleb Marshall - The son of the bar owner where Austin worked as a bartender.

Trevin Murphy - Dylan's manager and his best friend. He is also a hot-shot porn movie director.

Minor ones - Amy's friend Eddie, the truck driver Ben, Porn actor Rafe

 

 

Here are the links to the chapters that are already posted under this story:

 

 

Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5

 

Chapter 6 || Chapter 7

 

 

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Please do leave a review to let me know of your thoughts. Don't hesitate to point out the flaws either.

Edited June 16, 2012 by SidLove

[TMcCallahan]

Hi Sid -

I want to start by saying that I've read all 5 chapters; I've enjoyed the content. I want to first congratulate you on your style. You write very well and it seems like you know your main character - you've gotten inside his head. So his voice is very authentic. He's a believable character and that's valuable. My first criticism: punctuation. You don't properly punctuate your dialogue. I know that seems very nit-picky, but for readers like me (a professional editor) or those who teach English or Composition, every time I come across it, I stumble and want to correct it. It interrupts the flow. Consider checking out "The Grammar Girl" for how to structure dialogue, or if you'd like, I'd be happy to send you a fast and dirty guide. My other criticism is plot-related. I realize that I haven't seen whatever outline you may be working with, so I don't know what your plan is for Austin (though I suspect), but... As an editor of LGBT work I see an overwhelming amount of work written about protagonists who were used and abused, who are then redeemed. Your take on that topic (at least in the opening chapter) isn't particularly new or fresh - however the idea of Austin's mother struggling with mental illness and Austin having to care for her, that I thought was interesting, and I really wish you'd developed that and explored that side of things instead of relying on the plot device of rape. The suicide also seemed like a plot device, a way to further the course of the story as opposed to allowing it to happen organically. Now I understand, having read all the material, that the sexual abuse is one of the ties between Austin and Dylan. But really, couldn't any highly charged emotional event connect them just as well? And given the amount of love and meaning Austin's mother had in his life, wouldn't Dylan having some kind of connection to mental illness have been just as meaningful as him being another victim of rape?

I'm not in any way belittling rape or the issue of men speaking out against it. I think in fact that part of the problem in the first chapter is that Austin's reaction to what happens doesn't follow with his later character. The Austin who stops total strangers from vandalizing another gay man's car and who again intervenes in a brawl when another gay man is being assaulted just simply doesn't gel with the Austin who didn't even go to Urgent Care for treatment, much less make a report the night he was thrown out of the bar. Where did all that courage suddenly come from if he didn't have it all along? And I don't buy the, "he got it from Mom's note." I can't help but think of Dumbo, "You didn't need the feather - you could fly all along." Austin was always a courageous guy. It just didn't fit your plotline so you didn't write it. Consider going back and changing that. You can't stifle Austin's courage because it's part of his character. It's going to come out, as we've already seen several times.

Overall though I think you're doing a very good job balancing the story and handling your cast of characters. I am interested to see where the story is going, and that's the best thing you can do - hook a reader. Best of luck with it and keep writing!

Be Well -

Tucker

 

 

[SidLove]

Hi Tucker

Thank you so much for taking out time to read and review my story. You really made me blush with the compliments you gave me and I am glad you like my lead character. It gives me relief to know that I achieved what I aimed for - getting inside my character's head and telling the story according to him. Believe me, it has taken lot of efforts out of me.

About the punctuations, I would like to mention that English is not my native language. So I accept my mistakes. I am sorry it distracted you too much and I will make sure I correct them soon. I don't know what "The Grammar Girl" is, so I am gonna go and google it lol. And also, I'd like to have that guide you were talking about.

The plot might sound like a cliche one. But this story is not based on just the rape storyline. Not fully at least. There are certain twists and turns in the story that are going to define Austin's life. You'll have to just wait for it. Austin is a character who I have in my mind as someone who loves his mother very much. He wouldn't want to hurt her at all because she is his only family and he doesnt want to lose her. When Caleb begins have his way with him, he says in the story that he does fight him. But he couldn't stop it from happening. He doesn't report it or goes for any kind of treatment is just because he is ashamed. He also fears that if his mother comes to know of it, she would not be able to take it. Also, the Marshalls being the influential people in his town and they owning his house and all, he thinks it is better to just keep quiet. Like you said, it is of course not just because of his mother's note that he suddenly feels courageous. It's just something that is part of him. The note only gives him the strength to break through all his ties with the town and flee. Exactly like Dumbo did, Austin needed that kind of push.

Nonetheless, I will consider your suggestion and go back to check it out for sure.

Anyways, I hope I could keep the readers hooked. I am just glad that this story could grab your attention at least a bit. A friend of mine always tells me that a reviewer doesn't leave a review to a story unless he/she likes it. I feel happy that you liked it enough to care and stop by to put down your thoughts.

One again, thank you so much for doing this.

Take care

Sid

[TMcCallahan]

Wow - If English isn't your native language then I'm going to take a step back, pause, take a sip of my coffee, and give you my "editor look" before apologizing. You write *extremely* well for someone who is adapting to the crazy styles of our language, then. I have professional authors who still make more mistakes than you do, lover. "The Grammer Girl" is a website run by a lovely chick who posts up helpful hints and tips for writers, including all the important rules about grammar and punctuation. But I will send you my quick & dirty guide for dialogue.

 

I know the rape isn't your central storyline. However it's very heavy in your first chapter, which is your most important. I remembered clearly everything that you pointed out. I didn't skim the story - I read it. I enjoyed it. I read all 5 chapters in one sitting. Had it come across my desk I would've put it in my "consider strongly" pile. I'm just wondering if you considered every possible plot twist before determining which way things would go. You're god. With a character like Austin he's going to do his own thing and drag you along for the ride. I have the feeling sometimes you probably write and feel like you're chasing behind him. When you revise and rewrite a story, it's your opportunity to slow down, step back, and see what short cuts your character took - what hurdles he jumped that you allowed just to get it all down and not lose the momentum. A good editor points those things out to you - things like continuity, character inconsistencies, lack of description or metaphor, or in some cases, overuse of device.

 

And yes - you are very correct. I remember once back in a writing workshop class in college (and I'm not going to tell you how long ago that was - it's embarrassing) the entire workshop violently argued for 2 hours over this wretched piece of tripe. And finally, the professor looked at us and said, "Well it can't be that bad, you've all managed to argue about it for two hours. If it really did suck you'd all sit here and stare at each other and we'd move on to the next piece." No truer words were ever spoken.

 

Be Well, my friend.

Tucker

[SidLove]

Chapter 6 is posted!! You can find it here - https://www.gayauthors.org/story/SidLove/thelifeofhim/6

 

Do let me know of your thoughts.

 

Tucker - Like I said in the chapter notes, I am grateful to you for sending that guide to me. It really helped me to know what I was doing wrong. Thank you so much!

[SidLove]

After a short pause, I am back to this story. Chapter 7 is posted : https://www.gayauthors.org/story/SidLove/thelifeofhim/7

 

Do Read and Review

[SidLove]

Oh man How did I forget this one??!!!

Anywho, if anyone was following this for getting the updates, there are seven more chapters posted now.. Chapter 14 was posted today