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I'm new to GA and eager to make a good impression.  I have a number of novels and short stories to add, but wanted to introduce myself to this community.  As with all 'artists', I'm looking for endless fawning praise and admiration.  I'd also appreciate constructive criticism.


My regards to all.



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I have mixed feelings.


I really like the cleverness of your "interview" approach, because it starts with the happy ending and then we get the multiple points of view leading up to that point, and not only do you have different voices, but you have different interpretations going on at the same time: not only the characters talking about the past and the present, but the narrator who is acting as an external observer.  So that's definitely fun and new.


The problem is that it's really complicated. You've done a good job so far of keeping things clear, and the characters' stories immediate and concrete, but that means the different characters are providing a degree of detailed recall that isn't very plausible. Which is fine, if your story is energetic enough you can probably power through. It's just, if you're going to set up the rules that way, you may want to think about strategizing how you'll follow them. Will all the characters remember in the same way? Will some of them not? If so, why not? And so on.


I'm not hooked by the subject matter or the characters themselves--I can't differentiate them and it reads to me like a sort of affectionate sexual fantasy--but that's just me.  I'm not clear on how realistic you actually want the story to seem. 


As far as the mechanical work of your writing, it looks pretty clean.

Edited by Irritable1
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Good concerns.  For good or ill, I have completed the entire novel and hope that I've applied the discipline you suggest.  Additional chapters will be released according to my novice status.


Thank you for your kind comments - particuarly from 'Irritable1'.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm continuing to add chapters.   So far I've introduced the five characters, shared some of the good times and most recently some of life's challenges.  My thanks ot everyone who has read the story and appreciation for the reviews and comments.

Edited by RolandQ
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