What did your parents do?

[Crazyshadows13]

How did they react to when they found out that their son or daughter was gay, lesbian, bi, or whatever? I hope that they weren't too hard

[zaf89]

I'm not a teenager (almost 25), but I did come out when I was a teen. Or, rather, I was forced out. My dad went through my phone one day and found some sexual texts between me and another guy. He flipped out, tried to punch me, called me a faggot, and said he wouldn't let me "embarrass his family" (which, if you knew his family, is hilarious because they all do a great job of embarrassing themselves). He never really brought it up again though, and I left home about a year later and never really see him now. When I do see him, we have awkward but civil small talk conversations and that's it, and that's fine with me.

 

My mom took it better. She doesn't like to talk about it or hear about my love life, but she never had a violent or overly harsh reaction, which makes me lucky I guess. 

[advocatus diaboli]

My father pretended to be fine with it but trash talked me behind my back.

 

My mom genuinely doesn't care.

[TetRefine]

My dad accidentally discovered my undeleted porn history on my browser when I was 17. He asked me about it, and having no excuse I had to admit to it. He was perfectly fine with it, as was my mom who was told later that night. 

 

It helped that both my parents aren't really religious and one of my mom's cousins who she is close to is a lesbian. 

[Cia]

I never did tell my parents growing up. I'm bi, and I met my husband at 16. It was really a non-issue, and since my dad's favorite way to create an insult for a person or group he hated is to add faggot to them (he hates windsurfers, so I heard 'wind faggots are ruining my fishing!' my whole life). I knew I should keep my mouth shut, so I did. I admitted to my family I write gay romance when I began publishing, and it went okay. A little awkward, as my dad is still a redneck, but not a big deal.

 

I left my sexuality out of it, until my dad began mouthing off on Facebook about gay people being in the scouts later on. Needless to say, his comments were derogatory. I went off on him for being a bigot, and by the end of the phone convo, he'd apologized for his comments. I could care less what my moms think, and my father in law isn't someone I'd talk to about it... but my mother in law knows, and she's supportive, too.

 

Being in my 30s, and not dependent on my family for anything since I early in my 17th year, their opinion doesn't really matter.

[joann414]

I think deep down,my dad knew all along.  He was a genuine Christian.  He didn't judge and was always accused of favoring me out of the five children in our family.

But as I got older and word got out, it was kinda rough.  My first relationship is still in denial after being with her partner of thirty years.

 

I've never regretted coming out.  My husband knew although I didn't officially tell him until I joined GA.  When I told my oldest brother, he said he always wondered. But all in all, it hasn't been that bad until someone pops up on my fb page and makes a big deal out of it.  I'll start getting messages.  But, 99 percent of them are supportive. 

 

GA has smoothed away what few wrinkles I had left as far as coming out.  Now I'm like "pfff" .

[Bill W]

Although it was a long time ago, my family wasn't the accepting type, so I never told them.  I was afraid of a violent reaction, since similar situations happened when they reacted to other things they didn't approve of.  Therefore, I hid the truth from them until the day they died.  I truly hope none of you have to go through a similar situation. 

[JamesSavik]

My dad punched me so hard I crashed into and broke through the dry wall.

 

I was kept inside without contact with anyone for weeks except for church. Just church- no Sunday school or social stuff.

 

Tell the truth, I don't want to think about it anymore.

[Sympathia]

My parents just looked at eachother for a moment...then my mom said "finally" and that was it. -.-

[Andy78]

My coming out rated as the non-event of the millenium (thankfully).

 

My mum just asked me if any of my friends who had slept over were more than friends - I think the answer shocked her a little

 

I told my dad the next day at dinner - he just asked me to pass the potatoes and stop making more of it than it really was

 

My nan (god bless her) asked how it was possible for two boys to do what she had always thought only a boy and a girl could do - I was so tempted to lie, but as it turned out the truth was even more shockiing to her

[Gene Splicer PHD]

I came out at 15 to my stepmother. She flatly refused to believe it, and forbade me to tell my dad (not like I was going to do that anyway). The issue "didn't exist" for the remainder of my time living with them.

 

When I was 25 or so I came out to both of them and this time I meant it. My dad had suspected it - lack of girlfriends, etc. - and my stepmother felt terribly guilty because she'd denied it for so long. After a bit of awkwardness lasting about a month, my dad stopped thinking it was true (until I brought a boyfriend to Christmas a few years later) and my stepmom kept trying to hook me up with eligible bachelors, lol. Anyway it all came right in the end and wasn't the big deal I thought it would be.

[scotty94]

I came out at thirteen and my parents and my brothers are cool with it, my brothers have to be any way because one gay the other is bi.

[PatrickG248]

I didnt really come out to my own parents. Supppse you could call me a wuss but hey theyve got a rough idea haha. However me and my boyfriend at the time were kinda in the closet until his little brother walked in on us then we had to spill the beans to his mum. His mum being a school nurse had seen it all and she was fine with it until it came to the midnight howls. ;-)

[pmdacey]

It was really a non-issue for my family because we are not really close.  I came out at Christmas time when I was visiting my family in my sophomore year of college after serving four years in the navy.  When I met the man that is now my husband I decided that I could not keep the relationship secret.  We had only met at the beginning of November and by December we knew this was it for the both of us, even though it was basically the first relationship for either of us.

 

I told my step-father over breakfast at my families favorite breakfast place (which is still there after 23 years and I took my husband there for the first time when we back to Boulder, Colorado for our honeymoon this past May).  He said that he and my mother thought there was something different about me.  Mother died when I was fourteen, so they knew something was up before I did.

 

I told my dad later that day and he was fine with it.  I was ninety-nine percent sure that it would be fine with everyone, but I was on my own by that time in my life and I had decided that I didn't care what their reaction was.

 

My husband's mother had a little harder time when he told her, but she is the best mom anyone could want.

[Stannie]

My mom told me she accpets me the way I am, but she actually thought herself it was just a whim (don't know if this is the right word to describe it). Now, two years after my coming out, she still believes I will, one day, come home with a woman. So even after coming out to her, I will have to do it again when I find someone I love

[rustle]

A friend described the same situation with his mom. Now that he's brought home a boyfriend and kissed the boy in front of her, she's having to really acknowledge it.

 

Just continue to be the lovable little boy she's always known loved after you do, and she should come around.

Edited October 25, 2014 by rustle

[W.E_Rosenthal]

I never really cared what my Father thought about me being bi because he wasn't really there...even though I lived with his parents. My Mom basically told me I was into guys when I was around eleven which I told her was not true...denial and all. That's why telling her when I was sixteen that I had a boyfriend was easy, but telling my grandmother was another story. I was a freshmen in college when I finally came out to my grandmother and it was the most terrifying thing I have ever done in my whole life.  It was a rushed thing because I had heard that someone was going to tell her. I couldn't let her find out from someone else so I told her one morning before going to class. I promise I almost had a freaking nose bleed from all the damn tension that was in the silence after I told her I was dating the guy she thought was my best friend.  She very calmly said she thought that was what was going on, then started sobbing and asking if she did something...if she made me that way by cuddling my too much. I started crying too and told her she didn't and that she was an amazing mother (because that's what she was to me) and care giver. We cried together for a good thirty minutes, her because she thinks God would be angry with me and me because I had made her doubt/question herself, but in the end she said she still loved me (she also said she still loved Tanner). She didn't let Tanner, my boyfriend, come over to the house for about two weeks after that she didn't really have a big problem about it but was still a bit put off by it. Now, she doesn't even care that we are together and have an apartment but she still doesn't tell people. 

[Avangelion]

I never really thought about comming out to my mom (i'm bi) before I kind of accidently told her.

I think I was 23 and we were on a car drive talking about this shitty relationship i'd just gotten out of, at then by accident I just blurted out "yeah but this chick i'm dating..." when I realized it was too late so i just kept talking, mom was silent, listening to me and her answer was "yeah yeah, but gay relationships have the same kind of problems and don't forget that I want grandkids" sounding like we'd been talking about what we had for breakfast. 

 

thinking back it was kind of funny

[Mikiesboy]

In a nut-shell.. at 15 (after my mum died) I told my father and new step-mother i thought I was bi. My father hit me, dragged me upstairs packed my stuff and threw me out. I spent the next 7 years on the street. Was a rent-boy for all that time, and a junkie.  After a bad beating I let myself trust the hospital chaplain and I'm off the streets, finished high school, married to a cop and happy. 

[W.E_Rosenthal]

So, many different stories.

Edited January 15, 2016 by W.E_Rosenthal

[Hunter Thomson]

My dad caught me sexting someone online when I was thirteen. He decided the thing to do was to take me to go play catch (we actually did, though for him that was often code for "we need to talk without your mother hearing"). Naturally, the first thing he did when we got to the park was start throwing the ball around, and then he decided that he would like me to go see a therapist to get myself some help. I laughed at him and told him I'm not the one with the problem, and that was the last he mentioned of it until I pretended to date a girl and he got all excited until I reminded him I'm still gay.

 

Mom found out later that week, and all she did was cry that she wasn't going to get any grandchildren.

[echophase]

I came home from a party and the next day my mum saw my neck covered in marks so she thought it was time to have the sex talk. She came up to my room with a bag of condoms where I told her a guy gave me them. She stood up and hugged me and said 'Thank god you, now you can't get any girls pregnant.' 

[C B]

I came home from a party and the next day my mum saw my neck covered in marks so she thought it was time to have the sex talk. She came up to my room with a bag of condoms where I told her a guy gave me them. She stood up and hugged me and said 'Thank god you, now you can't get any girls pregnant.' 

 

That's really cute. As I just realized my sexuality at 25 (now 27), I haven't told my parents yet. The plan is tell them organically at some point this year. This probably means blurting it out on accident haha. YIKES

[MrM]

That's really cute. As I just realized my sexuality at 25 (now 27), I haven't told my parents yet. The plan is tell them organically at some point this year. This probably means blurting it out on accident haha. YIKES

 

It never gets easier. It even gets harder as you get older. I didn't come out until last year and when I told my 83 year old father this news I was afraid I'd either kill him or he push me out of his life. He accepted me with love.

 

But it took me months of therapy and tremendous courage to do it. Better to do it sooner than later. You can't be free to live your life until you face and report the truth and live it with pride.

[C B]

It never gets easier. It even gets harder as you get older. I didn't come out until last year and when I told my 83 year old father this news I was afraid I'd either kill him or he push me out of his life. He accepted me with love.

 

But it took me months of therapy and tremendous courage to do it. Better to do it sooner than later. You can't be free to live your life until you face and report the truth and live it with pride.

 

 

I'm actually not nervous about it. They know my heart and who I am at my core. I'm also very independent (financially, personally) so I don't rely on them for any real support (outside of the fact they are family, I love them, and I have their back). My sister knows so I already have support system in place. It might be tough for my mom (moreso than my dad) but I"m not overly concerned. They should be allowed to have their initial reaction without me getting mad...which I will allow. I just don't want to "plan it". It has to make sense in the moment. I'm also taking each member of my family on memorable trips this year...so that should help . In fact I think they've seen me in better harmony in the past year.

 

You're right there. At 25, It took me 1/2 a year to admit my feelings when I realized, 1/2 a year to change venues to figure stuff out, and now a whole year of actual gay friends / gay dating to get me where I am today. I have many people to thank for that and one guy in particular. But I'm not really afraid. I just want it to make sense.

 

(Phew that was long-winded on my part). Thank you for sharing your story.