The Field of Love

[DONNA]

Hi

Really enjoyed T & T.

Is there a finished version  of F O D somewhere?

Or has the story just been dropped?

[Billy Martin]

Sorry it's been so long, but life has a way of changing one's priorities, but here I am attempting to finish both The Field of Love and Trials and Tribulations; however I am seeking both a beta reader and an editor. Here is a post I left in the writer's corner.

Due to the length of time between posting. I've lost contact with my beta reader and editor, one to death. I've authored Trail and Tribulations, 2011 Readers Choice award winner. and beginning to restart The Field of  Love story. I begun work on chapter 9. Therefore, I am seeking both an experienced beta reader and an editor to assist me in this endeavor.

Send me any questions you may have. Here is what I am working on now.

After Sammy had been hastily ushered into the surgical waiting room by one of the nurses, he glanced around the room and noted a 40 inch flat screen TV tuned to the Weather Channel with the sound turned off. A family of three sat across the room from Sammy with the woman, whom he assumed was the mother, whispering to her small child. The little girl looked to be around the age of four and clearly didn’t like what she heard, as evidenced by the  frown she wore. The father’s eyes were red and his face wet from what Sammy thought had been from crying. He stared out the windows behind Sammy with a sad expression. His eyes osculated between hope and despair as he searched for answers.

 

Sammy looked down at his blood covered hands and leapt to his feet. He had an urgent need to wash Tony’s blood from his hands.The little girl was staring at him wild eyes and opened mouth when she noticed Sammy for the first time. Sammy felt guilty for shocking the child. Quickly muttering an apology to the girl’s mother, he turned to exit the room as fast as he could. But the father of the little girl blocked his way.

 

“Are you okay son?” the father asked with concern noticeable in his voice.

 

Sammy looked into the father’s eyes and saw that the man had a good spirit. “Yes, sir. A friend was hurt and I need to wash up.

 

7 hours ago, Zuri said:

• What are the things, you wanna see in a beta reader or an editor?
• How does the collaboration process look like?
  • Is there room for discussion or just one-way attachment of a "corrected" document via DM or the like?
  • How much time is there to review a chapter?
  • How many review iterations do you normally have?

I want to feel that my beta or editor likes the story's characters almost as much as I do and wants to protect them even from the author.

For sure there is room for open discussion. I use google documents so that at anytime my beta/editor can make suggestions/edits as they see fit.

There is as much time as needed within reason and given life situations we all have to navigate.

As for story reviews, Trails and Tribulations was written prior to GA up grades. You are free to look at the reviews and comments left at the time.

 

 

[Zuri]

Here are some observations I made when reading your two paragraphs that might you an impression of how I work as an editor. I hope, nothing comes of as in a know-it-all manner, taking into account that I'm not a native speaker.

22 hours ago, Billy Martin said:

The father’s eyes were red and his face wet from what Sammy thought had been from crying.

You seem to have duplicated the "from". If I'm not mistaken, just one of them suffices 😉

22 hours ago, Billy Martin said:

A family of three sat across the room from Sammy with the woman, whom he assumed was the mother […] The father’s eyes were red and his face wet from what Sammy thought had been from crying.

I quite like that Sammy doesn't just straight-out say, it's the mother but rather assumes it. Yet, he doesn't do the same with the man of the group being the father apparently. But I can see that duplicating that process might not be very appealing so it isn't really something to criticize in a literary text.

22 hours ago, Billy Martin said:

Sammy looked down at his blood covered hands […]

Although not required, I'd suggest writing "blood covered" with a hyphen making it a compound word.

22 hours ago, Billy Martin said:

“Are you okay son?” the father asked

I guess, you are missing a comma after "okay" here.

Edited March 9 by Zuri
add explanation

[Billy Martin]

2 hours ago, Zuri said:

Here are some observations I made when reading your two paragraphs that might you an impression of how I work as an editor

Your observations were spot on and what I need to make my work more enjoyable to read.

I assume you are interested by your post.

As I posted, I use goggle documents program to write and give my beta and editor total access to the chapters at their convenience.

I can e-mail you the link to my documents and then give you access.

[Zuri]

13 minutes ago, Billy Martin said:

I assume you are interested by your post.

Kinda—my only pain point right now is that I don't like Google—is this negotiable by any chance?

[Billy Martin]

1 minute ago, Zuri said:

is this negotiable by any chance?

What would you prefer?

[Zuri]

I use mailbox.org for that matter—it also has an Office Suite much like Google Drive. You don't necessarily need an account there if one person has an account and shares a document or a folder, just like with Google Docs.

[Luca E]

Here is my take on the passage you quoted.

Sammy was hastily ushered into the waiting room by one of the nurses. He took an empty seat opposite the family already installed there. The room was clean, bland, devoid of any life apart from the large television tuned to the Weather Channel and, of course, the occupants who like himself were subdued, overwhelmed by events. The woman he assumed to be the mother was talking quietly to a little girl who looked to be no more than four or five years old. Sammy glimpsed briefly the man's face, his eyes red, his face wet from tears, sitting unmoving, wrapped in his own thoughts, a sad mix of both hope and despair. 

Sammy looked down to his own blood covered hands. Abruptly, he stood up, an urgent need to wash Tony's blood from them. The little girl stared at him wide eyed, her mouth open, and he realised how he must look. He muttered an incoherent apology, apologising for... For what? Alarming the child, disturbing their grief? He turned away and moved to leave, but the man reached out, as if he would stop him.

 “Are you okay son?” the father asked, the concern evident in his voice.

The question halted Sammy in his tracks. Once more he was looking at this man's face and he saw a kindness in his expression.

“Yes, sir. My friend was hurt," he mumbled almost inaudibly. "I just need to wash, " he added, as an explication or excuse.

 

The main points about this edit are, it aims to be more immediate, a change of tense from had been to simply, was. An extra description of the environment, the television tuned to the Weather Channel evoking a sort of animation to a sterile room which adds only a monotonous background, a soundtrack of no value which miserably fails to distract anyone from their thoughts, concerns and grief. My edit is simply my interpretation on the scene narrated, it might be too much of a change, I don't know. Maybe it adds something you can use.