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Love Scene Help Please


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I have looked through the topics and I couldn't find this subject, so I will say sorry now if I am repeating a help request.

 

I am having trouble trying to write the love scenes for my characters.

 

I am trying to differentiate between the two characters but I am either ending up with a lot of him's, he's, hiss's. (and readers don't know who I'm talking about) or I end up calling each character by name each time and end up with sentences like 'C reached for J and J took C's hand in his.'

 

It gets even worse when writing a ménage, I'm sure I had one character kissing himself at one point ;) .

 

I hope this made sense and that some of you can help.

 

All advice is gratefully received.

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A big part of writing any scene is showing, not telling. At least one character is just your POV character, right? Unless you're using omniscient POV, it's easier if you try to heavily gear a scene toward the sensations and actions of your POV character. Also, you don't have to show every single "he did this, and he felt that, and then he grabbed and moved this to press there on him". Do some actions, share some sensations, add in a little narration, share another action, a sensation, two or three actions... It's all about mixing it up (which is sort of the point in a good sex life anyway, lol).
 
As for ménage, well, I've written a few scenes like that, but not many. This is how I addressed it with my human/alien shifter/alien shifter MMM series, A Maze for Three. This first person POV scene (I alternate in the series, and this is from Moshe's POV) comes from the third story, Bridging the Chasm:

 

Oh, and while watching porn lets you 'see' what's happening in what could be a scene, I find it far better to read as many variations of sex scenes to see what works for you as a reader and then try to analyze and break down the scene into the various elements.

I smiled. I went over to the high bed—perfect for someone my size but a bit of a climb to get onto for someone Miah or Lisco’s height—and gently set Miah down with his head on the pillows in the center of the bed. He smiled and closed his eyes.

“Did I mention how much I love this bed? It’s so soft and comfy. Tell me you were serious about taking it with us.”

“We are.” I’d never fit on a human-sized bed. I turned to Lisco. He’d already stripped off his pants, showing off his lean legs and tight ass, perfectly rounded. His blue crest of hair was already hanging down, the long strands relaxed out of their usual stiff position after Lisco’s shower. The strands slid silkily under my hand as I ran one palm over the crest and down to Lisco’s neck. He leaned up, and I bent forward until our lips touched together. We touched and tasted each other’s mouths, slowly teasing.

Lisco lifted one leg up, curling it around my hip. I grabbed his ass, squeezing one round cheek and then lifting when he jumped. My hand spanned the center of his ass so I could hold him up as he wound his arms around my neck, sinking his tongue deep inside my mouth.

“Holy Jygp! That’s hot,” Miah said. I pulled away from the kiss, sucking on Lisco’s tongue as we separated. We turned to look at him. Miah’s face was pink, and his eyes were shining. The shorts he wore did nothing to hide his stiff reproductive organ. His arms were resting on the pillow above his head, his bandaged hands carefully out of the way.

“I told you he climbed me before he got in the bed,” I said. I grinned. “It wasn’t just a joke.” I squeezed Lisco’s ass before I plopped him on the edge of the bed. My turn to get rid of my clothes. We didn’t wear them much at home, since they were a new habit we’d only adopted here on Earth. It was hard to get used to—they were so binding and unnatural. No planet I’d been on was dominated by a species so naturally ill-equipped to survive its environment, but then, humans were unlike any other species in the universe.

Their very nature was what protected them—and us—now that they’d granted us sanctuary. And yet, they had no idea. I shuddered at the thought of what had befallen us before we found Earth.

“Moshe?”

I’d paused, my thumbs hooked in the top of my pants to pull them down, lost in my dreary thoughts.

“Hmm?” I looked up. “What?”

Lisco leaned out and placed a hand on my cheek. “I know.”

Miah rolled onto his side. “Are you okay?”

“He’s fine,” Lisco assured him.

“If you don’t want to do this….”

I stripped my pants off and climbed on the bed, straddling Miah’s legs as he rolled back onto his back. This close, I could smell his fluids that glistened on the pink tip of his organ. “I want you,” I said in a rush. He had to know that. My organ was so hard it was flush to my stomach, matting the body fur I had there. Lisco slinked across the bed in that almost boneless way he had. Our scents combined, swirling around us, want and need ratcheting higher as I waited for him to see that, understand how much this meant.

“We want you.” Lisco placed a kiss on Miah’s arm. He slid his hand down to wrap his fingers around Miah’s wrist, slowly drawing his hand back over his head. When Miah let him, I lifted his left arm and gently propped it against the pillow, too.

“Not any human. Not another shifter. You. Nehemiah Jonahson. Just you.” My voice was nearly as deep as my rumble. I leaned down and rubbed our cheeks together. “Yes?”

We waited, locked in a tense second that stretched to eternity.

“Yes,” Miah whispered.

I groaned in relief. Lisco thanked the gods under his breath. Miah rolled his eyes at him, and then looked back up at me with an expectant expression in those dark eyes. “Well? What now?” Apparently when he was in, he was all in. “I wish I could touch you.”

“No using your hands.” We wanted to make him feel good. “We’ll touch you.” I slid off to his side and lay next to him, Lisco opposite me, sandwiching Miah’s solid body between ours. He was wide-shouldered with curly hair coating his chest but had slim hips and a hint of a six pack covered in sleek skin. He had more mass than Lisco but less than me with my soft coating of flesh over my muscles.

Lisco leaned over and kissed me again, sliding his tongue in my mouth and out again. Then he turned to Miah. “Can we kiss you?”

Not all human males kissed. Some of the videos showed them just touching private parts. But since we learned of it, kissing was Lisco’s favorite thing to do. Miah nodded, his lips parted. Lisco didn’t hesitate to take advantage. Miah lifted his head, reaching for Lisco the only way he could. Lisco moved with him, teasingly keeping the kiss light, flicking his slender tongue at Miah’s lips.

My skin felt too tight as I watched them kiss. I couldn’t just watch. Miah’s nipples were flat brown disks half-hidden through the hair. They pebbled under my fingers, growing bumpy and tight. I licked my thumb and rubbed small circles over the brown tips. Miah moaned into Lisco’s mouth. He shifted restlessly on the bed. I grew bolder, trailing my fingers through the curls to the soft bumps of Miah’s abs and down. My hand brushed the head of his organ as I reached for his sac underneath.

“Shit!” His muscles hardened as he flexed into my touch. Lisco was sucking on Miah’s neck as I rolled the soft orbs inside the wrinkled skin. I was fascinated by these external reproductive organs, so sensitive to good and bad sensation. I loved mine to be played with, though Lisco didn’t like me touching him there. Miah’s eyes were scrunched shut, but he seemed to like it.

“Ugh.” Lisco had moved up to Miah’s ear. Miah shuddered, and Lisco chuckled.

“Like that?”

“I don’t think so. It makes my skin crawl.”

Lisco trailed a hand through Miah’s chest hair. “That’s okay, there are a lot of other things for me to use my tongue on.” He started with Miah’s nipples, and then used his tongue to trace the valleys between his abs. I watched Miah’s face, mesmerized by his reaction to being touched for the first time. The connection I felt to him was so strong, nearly as strong as what I felt for Lisco, and it was growing by the day as we grew closer to each other.

If only he could touch us back. I ached for his hands on me. I had to kiss him. His mouth was warm, and faintly bitter, and I could just taste a hint of Lisco’s flavor. Miah followed my tongue, licking inside my mouth as he returned the kiss. I ran my thumbs over the raspy stubble across his cheeks. I loved the different textures of his hair. He groaned just as Lisco took the head of Miah’s cock in his mouth. “Jygp,” he said, drawing out the word.

I turned my head to watch. “He does that so good.” Lisco licked and nibbled around the flared edges of the tip.

I smiled at the blissful pleasure on Miah’s face. He licked his lips. “Uh-huh,” he said hoarsely. He started to pick his hands up off the pillow above his head, and I leaned over him, pressing down on his forearms.

“Stay still.”

Miah shifted his legs restlessly on the bed, spreading them farther apart. “Please!”

Oh. Begging. Lisco loved begging. I glanced down to see Lisco watching Miah’s face as he drove him crazy, tonguing the tip, before he finally sank down to the bottom, swallowing Miah’s entire organ. Miah grunted and thrust his head back against the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut. He drew in a ragged breath and shuddered.

“Oh Jygp. Shit. Ugh.” Miah panted. “Sorry. Sorry.”

Lisco slid up the bed, kneeling at Miah’s side. “Why? That was amazing.” I was jealous that Lisco got to taste Miah’s seed.

“Didn’t mean to come so soon.”

“Just means I’m amazing. I take it as a compliment.” Lisco winked, licking his lips. “Besides, you taste great. I’m glad you didn’t make me wait.”

I groaned and reached up for Lisco until he leaned over Miah and gave me his lips. I wanted to see what Miah’s seed tasted like. I cradled his head in one hand, licking at the seam between his lips until he parted them. Oh. Salty and strong, Miah’s flavor coated Lisco’s tongue as I rubbed mine against it. I ran my hand down his back and squeezed his ass, just like Lisco liked, kneading the taut muscle. Lisco pulled back with a gasp for air. “Take me in your mouth,” he said.

Still crouched over Miah’s body, the heat of him warming my chest, I did just that. Lisco’s organ was thick at the base and slender at the top, the tip bright red. We didn’t usually tease so much. I pulled him close to me with one hand on the back of his thigh. He rested his hands on my head and fell into a quick rhythm, pumping into my mouth.

My sac was tight, and my organ felt like it would burst when Lisco clenched his hands in my hair and held me to him, rocking in small movements, groaning as he sent his seed down my throat. I moaned around him, and he hissed. When he pushed me away, my whole body was throbbing—needing air, needing a touch. It would just take one.

The tip of my organ dripped fluid, shiny and sticky. Miah watched us, his mouth open. “Are you okay?”

“Hurts,” I whimpered. Lisco had collapsed on the bed at Miah’s side. He looked like I’d sucked out his brains through the tip of his shaft, along with his seed. I clenched my teeth together, trying not to touch myself, though I desperately wanted to ease the ache.

“I’ve never touched another guy before.” Miah frowned. “And I can’t now. I don’t think I can take all of you in my mouth, but can I taste you?”

“Oh yeah.” Miah’s breath on my shaft as I straddled him and leaned forward so he could reach me without straining was almost too much. I needed control, but had no idea where I’d find it. He was going to taste me, taking my scent into him. I’d fantasized about it before, but never dreamed he’d offer the first time we touched. Miah eyed my shaft, like he wasn’t sure where to start.

“What do you like?”

He was asking me to think? What did it matter? “Anything,” I groaned.

Miah began by touching the tip of his tongue to the slit in the tip of my organ. It was soft and firm, but the touch was tentative. I remembered our first time trying out our new bodies with Lisco, how unsure we’d been. I hummed and nodded. “Good.” I expected him to keep licking me, but instead, Miah opened his mouth and took the entire tip, closing his lips around it.

“Ahh!” I started to thrust forward into the warm, wet heat of his mouth, but stopped when his teeth caught on my shaft. The sting brought me back, reminded me of his lack of experience. I froze, my hands clenched on the headboard until the bed creaked. My heart was pounding in my chest, and sweat slid down my face. Then Miah rubbed his tongue against the bottom of my organ, in the spot that always sent me hurtling to the edge of pleasure. Oh, how did he know?

He did it again, and I went off. My muscles locked as pulses of seed shot out my organ into his mouth. He choked at first, but then swallowed, and I rumbled out my pleasure, long and loud. People in the entire building would know how Miah made me feel, announcing our claim on the man in our bed. When my climax finally ended I hovered over Miah’s body, trembling as I gathered enough control to swing my leg over him and collapse on the bed next to his limp body.

We sprawled together, touching here and there along our bodies. We were too sweaty to snuggle, but I didn’t want to let Miah go. Lisco was running his hand up and down Miah’s leg, so I knew he felt the same.

Minutes later, when we were all breathing a little easier, Miah lifted his head. “This bed definitely has to come with us.”


 

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Don't try to make it this grand thing, if it isn't that grand of a thing. (That probably didn't make sense) Make it simple. Try focusing more on what the characters are thinking, feeling internally. Like, nervous.. or exhilarated, excited, aroused. Focus on scents, sounds, everything that can be described. The act shouldn't be the main focus. It 'should' be the build up, the desire the two/three/what have you characters are feeling. The setting in which it takes place.

 

If you just want to get people worked up, (I think that's G-rated enough), then I guess you can focus more on it being a porn flick.

 

Don't make it something readers will just gloss over though, because they think they're not missing any plot. PUT PLOT there - nothing too important, just don't make the scene a "fill in the blank space," scene. Make the scene worth reading and I think putting something of value - other than just the sex and all the squishy does that.

 

If you're wondering how to do it.. and what to expect physically, not being  whatever, you can research. I've honestly never done much research. 

 

As far as terms, mixing them up. You can use, my, his, he's, and their names alternatively. It is more or less similar to dialogue really. If you throw in a name once.. and then follow that by a ton of, "he said/she said," eventually you have talking heads. Mixing those in with their names, action/setting portions, and some internal dialog/plot, you allow yourself to paint an entire picture and hopefully avoid confusion. 

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:thankyou: all for your help. I think I have a fair idea now and I hope my latest scene will be an improvement on my last love scene I wrote.

 

James - I have to say I have been watching gay porn for ages, it's where I get the inspiration for positions for my characters. Although some of the positions make me try and turn the screen just to see if I can work them out. :rofl:

 

Cia - Thanks for the excerpt (I loved all that series BTW ;) ) I see what you mean about mixing it up and have tried out a few different variations. Also I have been re-reading some of my favourite loves scenes from different authors. I found a lot of what you, James and Krista mentioned in them.

 

Krista - Thank you for making the point about not making it a filler. I hadn't even thought of it that way. I will definitely be re-reading my scenes from that POV in the future. :)

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  • 2 months later...

I often have the same problem, considering that a large part of my character cast is male and often to be found in the same place. I try to do as best I can with, "Said Julian", "Miles, have you..." but it is usually a problem I worry about straightening out in the edit, particularly in the scene descriptions when none of them are talking at that moment. I suppose I use what I call the "baton approach". In other words, is the action happening to the last person who I mentioned by name? If yes, I tend to stick with "he", "his," , etc. If not, I will "pass the baton on" to the next character by adding the name of the relevant character and then repeat. Sometimes it doesn't work, but more often than not it does.

Edited by RobsWriting
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When it comes to the whole who's who thing, I find that the best thing you can really do is have someone else read it. If they get it, everything's fine. If they don't, let them make suggestions as to which 'him' and 'his' need to be changed to 'Bob' or 'Jeff', and you're golden.

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My approach is to include narration that shows character actions at the same time:

 

"Hi!" John grinned as he strode up to the group.

 

Peter stepped up and gave John a welcoming hug. "You finally arrived!"

 

"You finally arrived." David sniffed with his usual disapproving expression. "Now we can get started."

 

William rolled his eyes. "It's only two minutes after eight. Don't be so anal, David."

 

Only one of the characters mentions a name and there's no use of "X said" in that at all. The use of the names is in conjunction with actions, so it's not just to keep track of who is saying what. The actions also help give the characters personality.

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