' Live-Poets Society ' – A Corner For Poetry

[Mikiesboy]

20 minutes ago, AC Benus said:

I wrote a Sonnet standing up, two days ago. After a bit of debate, I decided to take the advice within the poem itself and leave the original draft alone. So here it is, imperfections and all. Happy New Year, GA poets

 

for a new year

 

Is death a chill beyond which love can warm,

A condition unrecoverable;

The becalmed stillness after a long storm,

A thing ever undiscoverable.  

Is hope a spark against the immense cold,

Nurtured for vanity’s sake, and because

Faith is a comfort that we won’t get old,

Even If our life’s a dream that never was.

And yet, how good it is to live a while,

Even if but for the moment’s taking,

To feel the sun, and breathe the air in style,

Knowing all the while it’s our grave we’re making.

      So wake each day as if a resurrection,

      And enjoy the world for its imperfection.

 

 

a wonderful poem, AC xo

[mollyhousemouse]

9 hours ago, AC Benus said:

I wrote a Sonnet standing up, two days ago. After a bit of debate, I decided to take the advice within the poem itself and leave the original draft alone. So here it is, imperfections and all. Happy New Year, GA poets

you wrote it "standing up"? as opposed to sitting at the desk?

often when i comment on your work i liken you to an artist, blending words to make pictures; i've also told a few poets that their offering creates a picture in my head.

that's happened with this one

i see a person, on a deck overlooking a dark place there's a railing and you know it's remote

they are holding a cup of something hot, like you do with both hands when it's cold, shoulders rounded like there is a great weight or sadness on them

it's just before dawn, and as the poem unfolds the sun rises and the person stands straighter and you see them take a deep breath, as if they know that whatever the day brings they need to face it head on

 

thank you AC, i hope you keep writing and sharing with us

[AC Benus]

1 hour ago, mollyhousemouse said:

you wrote it "standing up"? as opposed to sitting at the desk?

 

Yes, lol. I've been filling in at a shop for the holiday rush. As you can tell, two days ago we were rather slow

 

[AC Benus]

1 hour ago, mollyhousemouse said:

often when i comment on your work i liken you to an artist, blending words to make pictures; i've also told a few poets that their offering creates a picture in my head.

that's happened with this one

i see a person, on a deck overlooking a dark place there's a railing and you know it's remote

they are holding a cup of something hot, like you do with both hands when it's cold, shoulders rounded like there is a great weight or sadness on them

it's just before dawn, and as the poem unfolds the sun rises and the person stands straighter and you see them take a deep breath, as if they know that whatever the day brings they need to face it head on

 

thank you AC, i hope you keep writing and sharing with us

Thank you for this, Molly. It's wonderful you had this experience with my poem, and I'm honored you shared it with me/us on Live-Poets. 

 

Muah! 

[AC Benus]

I posted this a bit earlier. I'd be honored if you checked it out

 

https://gayauthors.org/story/ac-benus/pride-month-and-other-haibun/7

 

Tod ist Trennung,

dreifacher Tod

Trennung ohne Hoffnung

wiederzusehn.

 

Death is parting;

a threefold death

is parting without hope

of reunion.

 

 

[Parker Owens]

This is a new poem I’ve been working on. I would be very grateful for thoughts on how it might be improved.

 

New lines appeared

in the mirror this morning;

graceful French curves 

drawn with a green plastic template,

parentheses hastily scribed by a 

smudge - fingered draftsman,

downward-facing furrows incised in the glass,

and a myriad mysterious small cracks,

a network of shadows,

as if the smooth surface itself shattered.

This cannot be my mirror, 

nor house, nor my bright day’s dawning;

it must be some current fiction,

a role to play - 

if I but knew the lines. 

[mollyhousemouse]

1 minute ago, Parker Owens said:

This is a new poem I’ve been working on. I would be very grateful for thoughts on how it might be improved.

 

New lines appeared

in the mirror this morning;

graceful French curves 

drawn with a green plastic template,

parentheses hastily scribed by a 

smudge - fingered draftsman,

downward-facing furrows incised in the glass,

and a myriad mysterious small cracks,

a network of shadows,

as if the smooth surface itself shattered.

This cannot be my mirror, 

nor house, nor my bright day’s dawning;

it must be some current fiction,

a role to play - 

if I but knew the lines. 

this is very moving, Parker

the imagery is also powerful

"smudge-fingered draftsman" i'm picturing someone almost Bob Cratchit style, hunched over a drafting table, maybe with sleeve garters on 

the line "and a myriad mysterious small cracks" sounds a bit "off" to my ear when i read it aloud, but i'm not sure why

maybe one of the other poets here sees or hears it

can't wait to read the finished piece!

[Parker Owens]

11 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

the line "and a myriad mysterious small cracks" sounds a bit "off" to my ear when i read it aloud

 

Thank you for the feedback! I’ll ponder this phrase, and maybe something better will occur to me. 

[AC Benus]

59 minutes ago, Parker Owens said:

This is a new poem I’ve been working on. I would be very grateful for thoughts on how it might be improved.

 

New lines appeared

in the mirror this morning;

graceful French curves 

drawn with a green plastic template,

parentheses hastily scribed by a 

smudge - fingered draftsman,

downward-facing furrows incised in the glass,

and a myriad mysterious small cracks,

a network of shadows,

as if the smooth surface itself shattered.

This cannot be my mirror, 

nor house, nor my bright day’s dawning;

it must be some current fiction,

a role to play - 

if I but knew the lines. 

nitpicking first, but I think the first two lines can be combined into one. The new line length would then match "and myriad mysterious small cracks." And yes, in that line I don't think you need 'a' anymore. It may be a holdover from an earlier version. 

 

And then the impact. Wow, such a strong poem, and one told from a deep emotional place. Other than a small amount of cleanup, I think it's a great poem. I'm glad you shared it with us on Live-Poets 

 

Edited January 10, 2019 by AC Benus

[Mikiesboy]

9 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

This is a new poem I’ve been working on. I would be very grateful for thoughts on how it might be improved.

 

New lines appeared

in the mirror this morning;

graceful French curves 

drawn with a green plastic template,

parentheses hastily scribed by a 

smudge - fingered draftsman,

downward-facing furrows incised in the glass,

and a myriad mysterious small cracks,

a network of shadows,

as if the smooth surface itself shattered.

This cannot be my mirror, 

nor house, nor my bright day’s dawning;

it must be some current fiction,

a role to play - 

if I but knew the lines. 

yeah i think AC is right .. the first two should be together

[Mikiesboy]

a new poem ... i wrote it  but wanted it raw like the subject so posted it as is.... In the Heat of Morning

[mollyhousemouse]

13 hours ago, AC Benus said:

The new line length would then match "and myriad mysterious small cracks." And yes, in that line I don't think you need 'a' anymore. It may be a holdover from an earlier version. 

@Parker Owens i think that's what was "off" for me, my ear

[Parker Owens]

3 hours ago, mollyhousemouse said:

@Parker Owens i think that's what was "off" for me, my ear

Thank you, molly. That helps a lot.

[mollyhousemouse]

9 hours ago, Mikiesboy said:

a new poem ... i wrote it  but wanted it raw like the subject so posted it as is.... In the Heat of Morning

this is good! powerful, sensuous, beautiful

[mollyhousemouse]

1 hour ago, Parker Owens said:

Thank you, molly. That helps a lot.

anytime Parker

not a poet by any means but i'm glad i could help

[Parker Owens]

You were all so nice. Here is the partner to the last one...

 

It’s sometimes sad 

letting go of old clothes;

that green plaid shirt with the worn out collar 

remembers a decade of Christmases,

and countless June mornings in the dewy garden;

those brown boots with the sad heels 

walked Manhattan from end to end,

took in views atop steep granite mountains,

sang carols on cobblestone Stockholm streets;

and that threadbare grey tweed coat

still faintly sniffs for my father’s harsh pipe tobacco,

even though it solved equations on the board

for years after it was handed down.

They contain deep memories,

fond and folded,

as surely as any 

bit of silicon.

[AC Benus]

4 hours ago, Parker Owens said:

You were all so nice. Here is the partner to the last one...

 

It’s sometimes sad 

letting go of old clothes;

that green plaid shirt with the worn out collar 

remembers a decade of Christmases,

and countless June mornings in the dewy garden;

those brown boots with the sad heels 

walked Manhattan from end to end,

took in views atop steep granite mountains,

sang carols on cobblestone Stockholm streets;

and that threadbare grey tweed coat

still faintly sniffs for my father’s harsh pipe tobacco,

even though it solved equations on the board

for years after it was handed down.

They contain deep memories,

fond and folded,

as surely as any 

bit of silicon.

Warm and mellow, like a satisfying mouthful of whiskey. Everything is evocative; love the mention of pipe tobacco. 

 

If anything, I might say that what follows "fond and folded" adds nothing to the otherwise visceral input. It took me something like 30 seconds of puzzling to realize you were equating electronic data storage (memory) with human memories. If you feel strongly about keeping this tie-in, I'd suggest creating a line or two of at the very start of the poem to set up the context in the reader's mind. 

 

But, if it were me, I don't think losing the last two lines would hurt the poem one little byte

 

[Mikiesboy]

On 1/11/2019 at 5:52 PM, Parker Owens said:

You were all so nice. Here is the partner to the last one...

 

It’s sometimes sad 

letting go of old clothes;

that green plaid shirt with the worn out collar 

remembers a decade of Christmases,

and countless June mornings in the dewy garden;

those brown boots with the sad heels 

walked Manhattan from end to end,

took in views atop steep granite mountains,

sang carols on cobblestone Stockholm streets;

and that threadbare grey tweed coat

still faintly sniffs for my father’s harsh pipe tobacco,

even though it solved equations on the board

for years after it was handed down.

They contain deep memories,

fond and folded,

as surely as any 

bit of silicon.

Again, i agree with AC about the last two lines being unnecessary ... personally id also remove the word  'pipe'   : still faintly sniffs for my father’s harsh tobacco.  Your choice of course, but to me it's too much of a sentence and i like it better without, pipe.

[AC Benus]

I'm getting ready to launch my how-to book on poetry. Ready as in like, in a matter of hours not days! hehe

 

Many of the existing Poetry Prompts have been revised and greatly expanded, which is certainly the case for the first one. I hope everyone who's already participated in the Poetry Prompts challenges will take another look and get inspired all over again.

 

In addition, I've been told the introduction I've freshly penned for the book is on the inspiring side too.

 

I hope you will all join me. I plan on issuing the chapters once a month, on the 15th, so there is time to work on your offerings and post them in collections for others to track and follow. Periodically, I'll post little breather essays on various topics. These will appear more or less at the start of a month and hopefully further you along with your current challenge. 

 

I still have much work to do on it, but I'm looking forward to launching my Writing Poetry into the world; I hope you'll be happy to see it

   

[MacGreg]

4 minutes ago, AC Benus said:

I'm getting ready to launch my how-to book on poetry. Ready as in like, in a matter of hours not days! hehe

 

Many of the existing Poetry Prompts have been revised and greatly expanded, which is certainly the case for the first one. I hope everyone who's already participated in the Poetry Prompts challenges will take another look and get inspired all over again.

 

In addition, I've been told the introduction I've freshly penned for the book is on the inspiring side too.

 

I hope you will all join me. I plan on issuing the chapters once a month, on the 15th, so there is time to work on your offerings and post them in collections for others to track and follow. Periodically, I'll post little breather essays on various topics. These will appear more or less at the start of a month and hopefully further you along with your current challenge. 

 

I still have much work to do on it, but I'm looking forward to launching my Writing Poetry into the world; I hope you'll be happy to see it

   

Very happy!

[Parker Owens]

1 hour ago, AC Benus said:

I'm getting ready to launch my how-to book on poetry. Ready as in like, in a matter of hours not days! hehe

 

Many of the existing Poetry Prompts have been revised and greatly expanded, which is certainly the case for the first one. I hope everyone who's already participated in the Poetry Prompts challenges will take another look and get inspired all over again.

 

In addition, I've been told the introduction I've freshly penned for the book is on the inspiring side too.

 

I hope you will all join me. I plan on issuing the chapters once a month, on the 15th, so there is time to work on your offerings and post them in collections for others to track and follow. Periodically, I'll post little breather essays on various topics. These will appear more or less at the start of a month and hopefully further you along with your current challenge. 

 

I still have much work to do on it, but I'm looking forward to launching my Writing Poetry into the world; I hope you'll be happy to see it

   

 

I will welcome this work with a broad smile and delight. I look forward to it! 

[Mikiesboy]

3 hours ago, AC Benus said:

I'm getting ready to launch my how-to book on poetry. Ready as in like, in a matter of hours not days! hehe

 

Many of the existing Poetry Prompts have been revised and greatly expanded, which is certainly the case for the first one. I hope everyone who's already participated in the Poetry Prompts challenges will take another look and get inspired all over again.

 

In addition, I've been told the introduction I've freshly penned for the book is on the inspiring side too.

 

I hope you will all join me. I plan on issuing the chapters once a month, on the 15th, so there is time to work on your offerings and post them in collections for others to track and follow. Periodically, I'll post little breather essays on various topics. These will appear more or less at the start of a month and hopefully further you along with your current challenge. 

 

I still have much work to do on it, but I'm looking forward to launching my Writing Poetry into the world; I hope you'll be happy to see it

   

i'm looking forward to it ... i don't think you can do them enough or practice enough... and what you've shared.. well, was wonderful.

[MichaelS36]

4 hours ago, AC Benus said:

I'm getting ready to launch my how-to book on poetry. Ready as in like, in a matter of hours not days! hehe

 

Many of the existing Poetry Prompts have been revised and greatly expanded, which is certainly the case for the first one. I hope everyone who's already participated in the Poetry Prompts challenges will take another look and get inspired all over again.

 

In addition, I've been told the introduction I've freshly penned for the book is on the inspiring side too.

 

I hope you will all join me. I plan on issuing the chapters once a month, on the 15th, so there is time to work on your offerings and post them in collections for others to track and follow. Periodically, I'll post little breather essays on various topics. These will appear more or less at the start of a month and hopefully further you along with your current challenge. 

 

I still have much work to do on it, but I'm looking forward to launching my Writing Poetry into the world; I hope you'll be happy to see it

   

This is something to look forward to!

[mollyhousemouse]

5 hours ago, AC Benus said:

I'm getting ready to launch my how-to book on poetry. Ready as in like, in a matter of hours not days! hehe

 

Many of the existing Poetry Prompts have been revised and greatly expanded, which is certainly the case for the first one. I hope everyone who's already participated in the Poetry Prompts challenges will take another look and get inspired all over again.

 

In addition, I've been told the introduction I've freshly penned for the book is on the inspiring side too.

 

I hope you will all join me. I plan on issuing the chapters once a month, on the 15th, so there is time to work on your offerings and post them in collections for others to track and follow. Periodically, I'll post little breather essays on various topics. These will appear more or less at the start of a month and hopefully further you along with your current challenge. 

 

I still have much work to do on it, but I'm looking forward to launching my Writing Poetry into the world; I hope you'll be happy to see it

   

when i took the Tanka challenge, i promised you that i'd read it and do some more of them

well, now it's here, and i'm looking forward to this!

[Mikiesboy]

i started the first Poetry Prompt from @AC Benus' Zero to Hero book.  I've done 4 Tanka .. they seem to fit the FAQs.   🤔

 

i'll post them once i finish the last one .. argh LOL

Edited January 16, 2019 by Mikiesboy