Jump to content

A Poem For Critique With Thanks


oboi83

Recommended Posts

Hi all,

I am new to this community.

I've always been interested in creative writing but chose a different profession instead.

Recently I have been more open about my sexuality which has really helped me with my creative side.

I never had formal training in writing stories or poetry so will definitely need a lot of work.

I really appreciate your comments and recommendations on any resources to help me self improve.

 

 

 

Title: Would you

 

Would you go, if I invite you to travel with me to the ends of the world?
 
Would you listen, if I recite you poems from the words traversing the flowing stream of time?
 
Would you be my perfect audience, if I play love ballads on the string chords resonating with those of your heart?
 
Would you let me take care of you, if I ask you to move across an ocean to be with me?
 
Would you walk with me, along this lonely and tortuous path called love?
 
Would you stand defiantly with me, when our love is ridiculed and attacked?
 
Would you stay with me, after leaves have fallen and flowers withered?
 
None of those words can conquer a simple I Love You, from deep within my heart.
 
And would you let me take your hand, if I ask you to?

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Hi all,

I am new to this community.

I've always been interested in creative writing but chose a different profession instead.

Recently I have been more open about my sexuality which has really helped me with my creative side.

I never had formal training in writing stories or poetry so will definitely need a lot of work.

I really appreciate your comments and recommendations on any resources to help me self improve.

 

 

 

Title: Would you

 

 

 

 

Would you go, if I invite you to travel with me to the ends of the world?

 

Would you listen, if I recite you poems from the words traversing the flowing stream of time?

 

Would you be my perfect audience, if I play love ballads on the string chords resonating with those of your heart?

 

Would you let me take care of you, if I ask you to move across an ocean to be with me?

 

Would you walk with me, along this lonely and tortuous path called love?

 

Would you stand defiantly with me, when our love is ridiculed and attacked?

 

Would you stay with me, after leaves have fallen and flowers withered?

 

None of those words can conquer a simple I Love You, from deep within my heart.

 

And would you let me take your hand, if I ask you to?

 

That was great poem. But, as you are waiting for suggestions, you would have created a great Ghazalyaat out of it. The feeling and the way you repeated the first words, it could have suited perfectly.

 

Coming to the learning part, for poems, just follow writing prompts forum and try to look at poetry prompts. Try from number 1. And you can also get help from professional here.

 

All the best.

Link to comment

That was lovely and I'm not one for poetry.

 

If you haven't' already, you should post this poem in "Live Poets Society" as Emi suggests. There are a number of talented and very welcoming poets who post there. It's a good first step to becoming an author on GA and publishing your poems for everyone's enjoyment. 

 

Good luck and write more please. :)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..