Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Just a quick question as my friend and I can’t seem to agree on which of these is the correct punctuation—or if either is right, of course.

 

A

 

“Now, Brian,”—He glanced at me, probably to make sure I was paying attention—“we have the electronics from all the missing girls.”

 

B

 

Now, Brian—” He glanced at me, probably to make sure I was paying attention, “—we have the electronics from all the missing girls.”

 

OR

 

Are neither right and can someone help us understand? I have checked other topics and can’t find anything relevant. I also tried the internet but got conflicting answers. This is the first time I have attempted to have something interrupt the flow of speech this way. 

 

Thanks all 

Link to comment

I would have said neither and that:

 

 

Now, Brian.” He glanced at me, probably to make sure I was paying attention. “We have the electronics from all the missing girls.”

 

 

was correct, if unwieldy, but I am happy to stand corrected. I have a complicated history with speech tags and their associated quirks.

  • Like 2
Link to comment

I would have said neither and that:

 

 

Now, Brian.” He glanced at me, probably to make sure I was paying attention. “We have the electronics from all the missing girls.”

 

 

was correct, if unwieldy, but I am happy to stand corrected. I have a complicated history with speech tags and their associated quirks.

 

Thanks for the alternative idea. 

 

This bit will most likely get rewritten, or maybe even deleted, before the story is finished. But, I was wondering in case it came up in another story sometime - you never know. 

Link to comment
  • Site Administrator

Neither is correct.  Dialogue can be interrupted by a speech tag or action, then resume in the same sentence. A comma goes inside the first set of quotation marks, and then after the dialogue tag or action.  

 

"Now, Brian,” he glanced at me, probably to make sure I was paying attention, “we have the electronics from all the missing girls.”

  • Like 3
Link to comment

Neither is correct.  Dialogue can be interrupted by a speech tag or action, then resume in the same sentence. A comma goes inside the first set of quotation marks, and then after the dialogue tag or action.  

 

"Now, Brian,” he glanced at me, probably to make sure I was paying attention, “we have the electronics from all the missing girls.”

 

Looking at that it makes sense now. And it keeps all the bits I think I'll need. 

 

Thank you :) 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
  • Site Moderator

“Brian", he glanced at me probably to make sure I was paying attention, "now we have the electronics from all the missing girls.”

 

 

I might be changing what you're trying to say, but this is how I would write this sentence. 

 

 

Edit: Just read Val's suggestion. Looks good. :)

Edited by Reader1810
  • Like 1
Link to comment

Neither is correct.  Dialogue can be interrupted by a speech tag or action, then resume in the same sentence. A comma goes inside the first set of quotation marks, and then after the dialogue tag or action.  

 

"Now, Brian,” he glanced at me, probably to make sure I was paying attention, “we have the electronics from all the missing girls.”

 

I'm sure I've corrected for doing that. Glancing isn't a speech tag, so it can't be separated with a comma.

 

I defer to Cia's wiseness in this and other grammar matters.

Link to comment
  • Site Administrator

I'm sure I've corrected for doing that. Glancing isn't a speech tag, so it can't be separated with a comma.

 

I defer to Cia's wiseness in this and other grammar matters.

I know that glancing isn't a speech tag.  You are right that speech tags are not separated by commas, but this is different since it's an interrupted sentence.  If the first part was a complete sentence then I would have punctuated it as such.  I interpreted it as "Now, Brian, we have all the electronics from the missing girls."  Adding action to the middle doesn't change the basic sentence structure, hence the commas.  

 

"Now, Brian," (he glanced at me, probably to make sure I was paying attention) "we have all the electronics from the missing girls."

 

Getting rid of the action in the middle leaves a complete sentence, in which case I've always offset any interruptions to the dialogue with commas.  Now I know to use em dashes instead.  

Link to comment

Getting rid of the action in the middle leaves a complete sentence, in which case I've always offset any interruptions to the dialogue with commas.  Now I know to use em dashes instead.  

 

you and me both! I think I might have to go back and edit some stuff....

  • Like 2
Link to comment
  • Site Administrator

I think it depends on whether the glance was at the same time as the speech, or did it interrupt the speech. These are two different cases. The em-dash inside the quotation marks would indicate the speech itself was interrupted. Outside, it would indicate the two things occurred at the same time.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
  • Site Administrator

I think it depends on whether the glance was at the same time as the speech, or did it interrupt the speech. These are two different cases. The em-dash inside the quotation marks would indicate the speech itself was interrupted. Outside, it would indicate the two things occurred at the same time.

 

That is exactly right. If the dialogue is interrupted by the action, instead of the action and the dialogue occurring at the same time, then you place the em dashes inside the quotation marks, but then you also need to capitalize and punctate the interruption. A sight tweak of the sentence would allow for that sort of punctuation change.

 

“Now, Brian, we have—" He glanced at me and waited until I was paying attention. "—the electronics from all the missing girls.”

 

I changed the wording because if you could consider the dialogue could be complete in the first/second clauses, it'd be done slightly different because the first sentence would be considered the interrupted sentence and the rest would just be the character continuing speaking because those are complete clauses.

 

"Now, Brian—" He glanced at me and waited until I was paying attention. "We have the electronics from all the missing girls."

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..