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Poems in different languages

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7 hours ago, AC Benus said:

Hello, all! I worked on translating a Tanka by Ōgai Mori this afternoon. Do you think my version makes for a compelling poem...? I'm hoping it does, but I'm not so sure.

 

Let poetry be

Like a crystal bowl of ice;

Allow it to seem

Inviting and transparent,

With no spots of doubt showing.  

 

 

 

 

 

For me this "doubt" is the illusory nature of the world (maya) that encumbers and deludes us, taking us away from the truth of existence. Very traditional poetry btw classical metaphors. Loved it. 

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28 minutes ago, asamvav111 said:

For me this "doubt" is the illusory nature of the world (maya) that encumbers and deludes us, taking us away from the truth of existence. Very traditional poetry btw classical metaphors. Loved it. 

Thank you, Sas :) I like 'doubt' here too, but I may have strayed too far from the original. I will have to check and think about it. 

 

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Hi everyone! I’ve only recently joined the site, but it’s felt so warm and welcoming that I thought it’d be interesting to share something for discussion. I write poetry in both English and Spanish and only recently have begun to blend both my languages within poems. I was having in interesting exchange with a professor at my university this year where I confessed that sometimes I felt pressured to offer translated versions of my writing, while sacrificing the value of what a Spanish word or phrase was adding to my poem in order to please non-Spanish speaking readers. I mentioned I had begun blending the two languages without offering translations and he said I shouldn’t feel obliged to offer translations. He said readers shouldn’t force a type of language or culture censorship where the value of a piece is diminished because they can’t simply put the effort to translate words and phrases themselves or research the context of a piece. I’m curious if anyone else has thought about this dilemma of culture and language in your poetry and whether you share the professors opinion or have something else regarding it. It’ll be lovely to discuss!

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On 12/9/2017 at 9:55 AM, AC Benus said:

I wrote this translation as a tribute to my mom. I don't know how any singer can get through Mahler's music without being reduced to tears at the end.

Thanks for her support go to Lyssa and Mikiesboy, as always. 

 

https://www.gayauthors.org/story/ac-benus/translation-trashbin/5#comment-303522

 

Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen,  

Mit der ich sonst viele Zeit verdorben;

Sie hat so lange nichts von mir vernommen,

Sie mag wohl glauben, ich sei gestorben.

 

 

Es ist mir auch gar nichts daran gelegen;

Ob sie mich für gestorben hält,

Ich kann auch gar nichts sagen dagegen,

Denn wirklich bin ich gestorben der Welt.

 

 

Ich bin gestorben dem Weltgetümmel,

Und ruh' in einem stillen Gebiet.

Ich leb' allein in meinem Himmel,

In meinem Lieben, in meinem Lied.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

I’ve been missing from the world lately,

Away from those I once spent so much time;

They’ve not heard from me, so long, ultimately,

They think I’ve moved on to Death’s colder clime. 

 

 

I’m done caring about them all greatly;

They think I’m dead or unsteady,

Let them think so, calm or irately,

‘Cause I’m dead to this world already (world already).

 

 

On the world’s turmoil, I watch sedately,

And can rest detached right where I belong,

Living alone in my heaven stately (in heaven stately),

With only my loves, and with my song.

 

 

_

 

 

 

Thank you for leaving a like for this, Tim. I appreciate it 

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