Corrupt A Wish

[Brayon]

Granted. Your Nephew drinks an aging potion and is now a 21-year-old Hipster Foodie.

 

I wish for more wishes.

[AK79]

Just now, BHopper2 said:

Granted. Your Nephew drinks an aging potion and is now a 21-year-old Hipster Foodie.

 

I wish for more wishes.

 

Dude I think he already is.  He's been making goat cheese all weekend.  "It's artisanal and stuff, Uncle Alex"

 

 

Granted, but all of those wishes result in you being slapped about the head and shoulders severely with a large fish should you try and use them.

 

I wish for an extra large bumper crop of strawberries.  (Since the kid wants to be all "artisanal and stuff" he can make the jam this year.)

[Valkyrie]

Granted.  You have so many strawberries, they overtake your lawn, house, kitchen, and won't stop growing despite all attempts to eradicate them.  

 

I wish I had a cup of coffee.  

[Ron]

Granted. Before you can take that first sip you feel a sneeze coming on and reach behind you for a tissue and when you turn back to your table you find that the cafe busboy has whisked your coffee away.

 

I wish someone would mop my floors for me.

[Valkyrie]

Granted.  A particularly juicy zombie is now mopping your floors, leaving behind gross stuff and body parts in his wake. 

 

I wish it was sunny out. 

[Brayon]

Granted. However, you now become Light Sensitive like a Vampire*, and can only go out at night.

 

I wish I knew what to wish for.

 

 

 

(*real Vampires don't sparkle! They combust in sunlight.)

Edited May 7, 2017 by BHopper2

[Valkyrie]

17 minutes ago, BHopper2 said:

Granted. However, you now become Light Sensitive like a Vampire*, and can only go out at night.

 

I wish I knew what to wish for.

 

 

 

(*real Vampires don't sparkle! They combust in sunlight.)  Agreed!!

Granted.  You can't stop thinking of wishes.  Your wishes want wishes and they want wishes and every single thought is a wish that wants a wish that wants a wish.  

 

I wish I could time travel. 

[AK79]

Granted, but you only time travel in one direction, and very slowly.  Oh wait, that's already the case.

 

I wish my nephew had better taste in music.  (Seriously I'm about an inch away from banning pop in my house--I've already banned popcountry.)

[Valkyrie]

Your nephew now loves technopopdeathmetal.  And the Barney theme song.  Which he plays on an endless loop over and over...

 

I wish my cats could talk. 

[AK79]

That would be an improvement actually.  Seriously how can a kid be all "its artisanal and stuff" on cheese but listen to mass produced, sugar coated mindless garbage for music?

 

Granted.  Now they tell you what they really think about.  Then you realize they probably aren't the best conversationalists.

 

I wish my mother would make that banana pudding already.  The bananas in the house are already half-rotten (and by that I mean they have brown spots on them--I like my bananas slightly green and with no brown spots, for some reason).

[Valkyrie]

Granted.  Your mom makes the banana pudding for a party with her friends and you don't get any. 

 

I wish I had some brownies. 

[Greg_A]

Granted - but some joker made them Ex-Lax brownies, and well, I don't think I want to describe the results!

 

I wish my glasses wouldn't get so dirty.

[Valkyrie]

Great... first toilet donuts now ex-lax brownies...   

 

Your glasses don't get dirty anymore because the lens fell out and now you can't see well enough to go anywhere or read or watch tv. 

 

I wish my heartburn would go away. 

[AK79]

Granted, but now you're out of pepto.

 

I wish my nephew would quit stealing the Auburn quilt off my bed. 

[Brayon]

Granted. He steals your bed this time.

 

I wish I knew what to fix for lunch. Have an army coming over (15 peeps)

[AK79]

Could be worse I guess.  He could replace it with a University of Georgia quilt.

 

Granted, you now know what to feed your army.  Unfortunately you don't have the required ingredients.

 

I wish Aaron would make his world famous carrot cake.  We need cake for the table and he's not made it in forever.

[Brayon]

Granted. But the cake turns out to be a Yellow Cake with Glazed Carrots smothering it.

 

I wish I had remembered to pick up the Rum.

[AK79]

Ewww, that's worse than the time he put sorghum syrup on top of grits. 

 

You remembered the rum, but forgot the coke.

 

I wish I could drink a rum and coke without hearing about how damaging alcohol is from Aaron.

 

 

[Brayon]

10 minutes ago, AK79 said:

Ewww, that's worse than the time he put sorghum syrup on top of grits. 

 

You remembered the rum, but forgot the coke.

 

I wish I could drink a rum and coke without hearing about how damaging alcohol is from Aaron.

1

Aaron must not be from the South! Everyone knows only Salt, Pepper, Butter, and Cheese is acceptable to put into Grits!

 

Granted. You find yourself drinking alone one night, and have to use an Uber to get home.

 

I wish I had a Flying Car.

[Valkyrie]

Granted.  The car won't stop flying and takes you into outer space.

 

I wish my headache would go away.

[AK79]

14 minutes ago, BHopper2 said:

Aaron must not be from the South! Everyone knows only Salt, Pepper, Butter, and Cheese is acceptable to put into Grits!

 

Granted. You find yourself drinking alone one night, and have to use an Uber to get home.

 

I wish I had a Flying Car.

 

He isn't.  He's from Utah (long story).  I've been slowly adapting him to civilized living.  At least he's quit eating cream of plaster wheat.  Seriously, he made some for me once, I thought it was only suitable for use as spackling or perhaps bondo for the truck.  It's taken four years but he can almost pass for an Alabamian. 

 

Also when I drink, I drink at home and alone (unless a cousin or other relative shows up), no uber required.  The kid isn't allowed, and Aaron is tee-total.

 

10 minutes ago, Valkyrie said:

Granted.  The car won't stop flying and takes you into outer space.

 

I wish my headache would go away.

 

Granted, now everything but your head aches.

 

I wished I could find the armadillo that keeps tearing up my peas.

Edited May 7, 2017 by AK79

[Valkyrie]

Granted.  He turns out to be an evil armadillo that puts a curse on you for disrupting his meal.

 

I wish I could find the motivation to write today. 

[AK79]

He's already evil.  He's tearing up my peas!  I'm going to see if I can trap him, then I'll take him down the road and release him, maybe five or ten miles from my garden.  I'm told you can eat them, but I don't reckon I'd want to.

 

Granted you find the motivation to write.  And you do.  Unfortunately you end up writing un-publishable smut.

 

I wish I could get over my block.  I find writing female characters difficult.

[Renee Stevens]

22 minutes ago, AK79 said:

I wish I could get over my block.  I find writing female characters difficult.

 

Granted, but now all your characters are female.

 

I wish my vacation would hurry and get here!!!!

[Reader1810]

12 minutes ago, Renee Stevens said:

 

I wish my vacation would hurry and get here!!!!

 

Granted. Unfortunately, a snowstorm has you trapped at your vacation cabin 

with no electricity and very little food.

 

I wish I had a car. 

 

 

Edited May 7, 2017 by Reader1810