I'm well past the halfway point of my life. Nevertheless, even at this point, I'm still slamming into reminders of just how odd my upbringing was - how my life set me up to be completely at odds with the rest of the world.
Left-handed among right-handed people, multi-generational household, gay back when people openly discussed using fags for target shooting. Each of these subjects have impacts and depths that many people may not realize. But none of those are the main focus of this.
I attended an experimental school. There were no walls, no class hours, no assigned homerooms or teachers, no letter grades or even grade levels. Everything was based on mastery of information. I may be 13 years-old and reading a college textbook but doing remedial math. There was a very careful, deliberate elimination of all forms of competition. No sports. No pitting one student against the other. No comparisons. Competition was viewed as the root of all evil. Any instructor could help any student with any subject. There were a set number of hours to each school-day but how those hours were used was completely up to me.
I have found, for my entire life, I stood out - for so many reasons! Aside from the usual things that a gay kid would be forced to deal with in the sixties, my brain was shaped by a counterculture philosophy. That, in turn, has been a mixed blessing. My personal happiness is inextricably linked to and indistinguishable from your own happiness. My goals and success depend, indeed, require your cooperation. How does one make their way through a world that is completely opposite to the way they were taught was morally righteous and ethically correct? There's volumes of details I could go into, but for a conversation starter, I hope this will inspire some comments.
By Anita Samandra
when you see the smile from someone feeling the same.
or the warmth in your chest from the mention of a name.
your first thought in the beginning of a day,
and the last thing you feel when you're hitting the hay.
when every moment you're waiting you seem to ache,
so afraid that from this dream you'll wake.
the feeling so strong time seize to exist
Yet even those moments blow away like mist.
filling you up 'till you feel so strong,
yet so small that you feel you'll do everything wrong
when the smallest thing can send you into a rut,
yet the same thing will pull you back up.
when you warm up by the mention of a name
knowing by their smile that they feel the same.
Before you start rubbing your hands with glee at the thought of something new, it isn't. Unless you missed it the first time around, that is. This story, currently On Hold, started out as a response to one of Cia's writing games. This is Chapter 1. Both I and its then readers thought the demon deserved more, so additional chapters followed. Much as I loved writing the humour and satire, the characterisation and plotting left something to be desired. Nothing insolvable - just needing more time than I've had to spare. The urge to return to Hell has hauled me back and I'm considering the options. One reason for this topic is to explain that the next thing to happen to Demonised is likely to be the appearance of a Prologue. Yes, I know - mad. But... Chapter 1 gets going without any introduction to the characters or locale at all (a legacy of its conception) and readers deserve more. It'll also help me to set the tone of Tommie (the demon's damned) from the outset, and from there I stand a chance of making the rest at least more coherent.
ashes of June ...
your eye are delighted for me firing my soul draining my mind....
when i see you....
my thoughts get drained....
my tears are gone ....
my heart stops .
i know i wont be able to be with u any more
loving you is the only thing i can do for you .....
ashes of the June
my heart is beating for you
from deep inside...
i collapse ....
i my self got a sin of being a boy ...
god??? if u exist then answer me why ain't i a person that i want to be?:((
THERE WOULD BE JUST ONE GENDER .
I lOVE yOU like now i'm dead man ...
i count every hour
to see your face
to touch your hand
to feel your skin
to see your delighted eyes
to see your smile:)
for just a second...
i just want to die after these
i want to take my last breath from your smell
iwant to take my last look of your face
i want to have my last touch of your skin
i want to kiss your hand while dying,having your hand in my fist
let me die slowly...
concentrated in your eyes....
yes, i want this.