Make us Laugh! #2

[JamesSavik]

[JamesSavik]

Shaggy lives!

 

[JamesSavik]

[JamesSavik]

[TalonRider]

Newest sign.

To The Person Who

Stole My Anti Depressants

I Hope You're Happy

[Guest034229]

Irish hospitality - Covid style

[Page Scrawler]

Add your own caption (here's mine)  😂

Marge: "Well, I'll tell you, Harry, that's one cruise line I'm never getting on again!"

Harry: "Next year, why don't we stay at home for our vacation?"

Edited May 11, 2020 by Page Scrawler

[JamesSavik]

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

[TalonRider]

Latest local sign.

 

I've used so much hand sanitizer

That now when I pee,

I clean the toilet.

[Daddydavek]

On 5/17/2020 at 2:21 PM, jamessavik said:

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.

The picture is of a trooper from Kentucky.  You should have changed the story to I-64 as I-94 doesn't run through the bluegrass state.

[Guest034229]

I'm more fashionable than I thought.

My wardrobes full of these pants.

Edited June 23, 2020 by Bard Simpson

[Daddydavek]

The joke was funny, the geography was just a little off....

[Guest034229]

In a sex fantasy gone wrong, two men with machetes entered the wrong house in New South Wales, Australia, before quickly realising their error.

One of them has now been acquitted of entering a home armed with a weapon in July 2019, Australian media report.

They had been hired to carry out a client's fantasy of being tied up in his underwear and stroked with a broom.

The judge concluded that "the facts of the case are unusual".

The role play was arranged over Facebook by a man near Griffith, New South Wales, Australia, who provided his address to the hired pair.

"He was willing to pay A$5,000 if it was 'really good'," the judge said.

However, the client moved to another address 50km (30 miles) away without updating the two men. They then entered a home on the street of the original address.

When the resident noticed a light on in his kitchen at 06:15, he assumed it was a friend who came by daily to make morning coffee.

When the men called out the name of their client, the resident turned on the light and removed a sleep apnoea mask he was wearing.

It was then that he saw them standing above his bed with the machetes, which they appeared to have brought as props for the role play.

When they realised their error, one of the pair said, "Sorry, mate", and shook the resident's hand, according to local reports.

The two men then drove to the correct address, where the client noticed one man had a "great big knife" in his trousers and asked them to leave the weapons in their car.

The client then cooked bacon, eggs and noodles, and a short time later, the police arrived at the property, found the machetes in the car and arrested the hired pair.

The judge ruled that evidence did not suggest the men's actions were intentional.

"They carried the machetes either as a prop or something to use in that fantasy," he said. "The fantasy was unscripted and there was discretion as to how it would be carried out."

A lawyer for Terrence Leroy, one of the accused, said: "It was a commercial agreement to tie up and stroke a semi-naked man in his underpants with a broom. Entry was not with intent to intimidate."

Edited June 23, 2020 by Bard Simpson

[Guest034229]

 

Edited May 29, 2020 by Bard Simpson

[Page Scrawler]

I'd like to thank my legs for always supporting me, my arms for always being by my side, and my fingers because I can always count on them. 😀

Edited May 25, 2020 by Page Scrawler

[JamesSavik]

I don't know Doc. I might be getting a little squirrelly.

[Slytherin]

[TalonRider]

Appeared on the local sign shortly after International Axe Throwing Day.

Lawn Darts - Outlawed

Axe Throwing - BYOB

[Daddydavek]

[Wesley8890]

On 5/22/2020 at 4:19 PM, Bard Simpson said:

In a sex fantasy gone wrong, two men with machetes entered the wrong house in New South Wales, Australia, before quickly realising their error.

One of them has now been acquitted of entering a home armed with a weapon in July 2019, Australian media report.

They had been hired to carry out a client's fantasy of being tied up in his underwear and stroked with a broom.

The judge concluded that "the facts of the case are unusual".

The role play was arranged over Facebook by a man near Griffith, New South Wales, Australia, who provided his address to the hired pair.

"He was willing to pay A$5,000 if it was 'really good'," the judge said.

However, the client moved to another address 50km (30 miles) away without updating the two men. They then entered a home on the street of the original address.

When the resident noticed a light on in his kitchen at 06:15, he assumed it was a friend who came by daily to make morning coffee.

When the men called out the name of their client, the resident turned on the light and removed a sleep apnoea mask he was wearing.

It was then that he saw them standing above his bed with the machetes, which they appeared to have brought as props for the role play.

When they realised their error, one of the pair said, "Sorry, mate", and shook the resident's hand, according to local reports.

The two men then drove to the correct address, where the client noticed one man had a "great big knife" in his trousers and asked them to leave the weapons in their car.

The client then cooked bacon, eggs and noodles, and a short time later, the police arrived at the property, found the machetes in the car and arrested the hired pair.

The judge ruled that evidence did not suggest the men's actions were intentional.

"They carried the machetes either as a prop or something to use in that fantasy," he said. "The fantasy was unscripted and there was discretion as to how it would be carried out."

A lawyer for Terrence Leroy, one of the accused, said: "It was a commercial agreement to tie up and stroke a semi-naked man in his underpants with a broom. Entry was not with intent to intimidate."

There are so many questions i have!

[Guest034229]

35 minutes ago, Wesley8890 said:

There are so many questions i have!

Mine can be condensed into one question which is: "Why?".

[tor200534]

[JamesSavik]

[drpaladin]

What would be the name of Ender Wiggin's starship?

Spoiler

The Ender Prize

 

[JamesSavik]

New NFL Logo