Make us Laugh! #2

[Daddydavek]

...another funny story from Quora

 

 

Jokes, Humour & Funny stories 🤣😹🙈😆

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Posted by

Rebecca

 

Sat

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would you let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?" 😜😜

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would you let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says

"It would have to be something spectacular to take that offer."

The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar.

He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, who is only 1 foot tall, and a little piano. The piano man starts playing classical music like Beethoven and Chopin.

Once he finishes, the bartender is in utter disbelief. He tells the man "You can have free drinks for the rest of the night, but only if you tell where you got this."

The man says "In the alleyway behind your bar, there is a Genie who is granting free wishes to everyone who wants them." Elated, the bartender heads behind his bar to see if it was true.

A few minutes pass and out of the alleyway erupts a cacophony of quacking.

The bartender rushes back into the bar and shuts his door against a wave of thousands of ducks.

He manages to secure the door and says to the man "I think that the Genie is hard of hearing because after I asked for a million bucks, these ducks appeared by the thousands."

The man chuckles and says "Did you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?"

 

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[ASH PHOENIX]

[ASH PHOENIX]

[ASH PHOENIX]

[Zombie]

Brad Armstrong

the only porn actor ever to change his name from Rod  

[JamesSavik]

[Zombie]

Sofa Slob: “Put your coat on.”

Wife: “Ooo, are we going out??”

Sofa Slob: “No, I am.  I'm turning the fire off.”

[Zombie]

“So, you got a new car?”

”Yeah, it’s the grey one over there…”
 

[ASH PHOENIX]

[JamesSavik]

5 hours ago, ASH PHOENIX said:

Not to mention the 🐈‍⬛ demanding attention 

[ASH PHOENIX]

[TalonRider]

Read this on a local sign.

I told my wife that I'd like to be cremated.

She made an appointment for next week.

[TalonRider]

Currently on the sign.

Never take a Laxative with a sleeping pill. 

[JamesSavik]

[Ivor Slipper]

A father came home from work and in going to his bedroom to change out of his work clothes passes by his son's bedroom and sees that, unusually, the door is open. He looked in and saw that equally unusually, the room was almost spotlessly clean. He then spotted an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

 

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love,

your son, Josh.

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it's safe for me to come home.

 

[drpaladin]

It's about time to stock up on mosquito food.

 

[TalonRider]

April fourth was Walk around things day. Check this link out. 

[drpaladin]

2 hours ago, TalonRider said:

April fourth was Walk around things day. Check this link out. 

Is there a "Can't avoid walking into things day?"

[TalonRider]

18 hours ago, drpaladin said:

Is there a "Can't avoid walking into things day?"

I don't remember if there is a day or not. We'll have to wait and see.

[drpaladin]

Just now, TalonRider said:

I don't remember if there is a day or not. We'll have to wait and see.

Perhaps we'll trip over it?

[Ivor Slipper]

23 minutes ago, drpaladin said:

Perhaps we'll trip over it?

Would that make it a day trip?

[Zombie]

22 hours ago, TalonRider said:

April fourth was Walk around things day. Check this link out. 

20 hours ago, drpaladin said:

Is there a "Can't avoid walking into things day?"

2 hours ago, drpaladin said:

Perhaps we'll trip over it?

2 hours ago, Ivor Slipper said:

Would that make it a day trip?

 

so will it be National Day Trip day 

or National Trip Day?  

[JamesSavik]

[Page Scrawler]

OMG! This poor kid! 

 

 

[Daddydavek]

It's not gay but I laughed out loud after reading from Quora:

 

 

Jokes, Humour & Funny stories 🤣😹🙈😆

·

Following

Posted by

Rebecca

 

11mo

Better than money

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

Edited April 19, 2023 by Daddydavek